mirrors.

i looked into the mirror that night. 

just like that. 

the face hidden, nothing else but eyes.

i have beautiful eyes. 

they stared back at me. 

was i staring at them, or they staring back at me?

was it the other way round? 

i was as if in a trance.
 looking on.
like meditation.
like something beyond that.

it did not turn misty like it did before. 

i was aware of something,

 too aware to go beyond it, away from it to gain perspective maybe. 

i was struck by something i am unaware of. 

someone looked back at me, someone i did not recognize.

there was something amiss. 

something somewhere amiss.
maybe.

or maybe there has been too much that i had not kept up with. 

i was looking at me, as if i was looking at someone else. 

what does this mean anyways?

i am not making sense.

babaji ko bhookh lagi; 

babaji ko khana mila, to khae kyun nahin?

babaji ko bhookh lagi to gae bhatore khane

chole ke bajae tadka parosa gaya;
babaji gurrae...bole, khaunga na ye ab main.

babaji ne fir kadhi maangi 

to chaach di gai...
babaji uth khade hue, mud kar bhi na dekha;
bas chal die.

babaji ko thi bhookh lagi ;

babaji ko khana to mila, to khae kyun nahin?

bah

the most clichéd thing about a cliché is that it is true. 

wasn't that another cliché? 

roads.

"i'll go"
"don't"
rok lo ab ke jana nahin hai. aankhen munde raaton ko kho jate hain

  subah chehra zara aur dhundhlata hai....

 din me apni talaash par jaate hain

  na makaam hai pata...

  ...na raste ki khabar

 

theherte hi nahin, gawate chale jate hain....kuch kehte kehte ruk jate hain...khud ko khokar wapas chale aate hain....

  


"batorte ho hamko raaton ko, neende gawa kar

                  raaste bataoge?"
"nahin""...musafir main bhi hun, humsafar ban jaunga"

oh night thou shall pass.

i spent a lot of time, trying to write something right from my heart.
realized there is nothing much in there now...i was thinking about the line below through the day, thought will post this instead:



" There are few things sadder in this life than watching someone walk away after they've left you, watching the distance between your bodies expand until there's nothing... but empty space and silence. "

-Jane, someone like you

Ra(han)domness

YES my blog is officially malicious now. 

As of you who have had the guts to break that RED WALL with the huge warning to not, NOT, get into my blog, all I can say is, bhai bahut zyada Rambo-giri dikhane ki zarurat nahin hai, PC crash ho gaya to???

But now that you are here, you might as well pay for it. It is complete randomness, like I made sense pehle kabhi.

Umm, for all US, dyslexic people ( I call myself that all the time,because of the power of making spelling mistakes vested in me by my language teachers who thought they’d  have no marks to award me if they deducted marks per word ) random is a gravely funny word.

Yes, you can have so many random thoughts all of them making sense. Major discoveries are outcomes of randomness. Newton and the naked guy running around the town shouting Eureka (YES, I am too tired to Google that up, BUT I continue blabbering, roko, chalo roko =|) all chance, random thoughts.

One such thought came to me when I was walking back home from the station (yes I live in Mumbai now, I don’t hate is as much now but well more on that later) (now for people who follow my HTML-tag (all googled gyaan) that leads to my music blog will know how much this walk today has been special (bleh, small little idiotic things are special, so what? =\)

RANDOM GYAAN part 1:

Hmm, job hunting is so much like a break up (or heartache or a stomach ache or headache or motions, umm never mind)  

Your mail gets filled with spam while the only person you want to hear from does not bother to reply =|

You call up people and they fix up appointments, you show up before time and then they say they’ll call you back. You end up waiting for calls that never come.

Every time your phone rings you leap towards it and your irritating friend (categorized as the person who likes all your links on FB but you don’t like them one bit) is on the other end, all smiling and happy saying how interesting her office-walas are. You laugh at all their stupid jokes. =| but the call never comes.

 And when it happens you are least prepared for it. Like when a lover calls you, the whole conversation flies off and the phone gets disconnected and then you remember the questions that you had to ask. 
Meh!

RANDOM GYAAN PART 2.

BEAN BAGS are the bestest and the worstest  (yes, YES, I will use words that are non- existent, header nahin dekha =\)  pieces of furniture there are.

picture THIS. you are at bliss, with your ass and back being supported in a way that you could have only imagined; right then, there is need to go to the loo, you come back and sit and the whole feeling is gone. =| (don't blame the bladder, it has the right to get into emergency mode any time)

You just ,only at times, get it right, THAT is some hard work for the laze. =\

TOTALLY in love with the new Vodaphone ads, special things you do to me…amazing ads!!

I couldn’t find the song nor the youtube videos for the same.

RANDOM GYAAN PART 3:

Saala google b dhoka de deta hai. =/ (keep prompting i won't change it to upper case =|)

RANDOM TIP: when you know you get horrible pictures of yours, don't stop. you just might surpass yourself, you'll make worse pictures. (don't ask me why this now. bola na random hai)

random conversation

A: मान लूँ दुआ में असर होता है,
    तो आज तुझे खुदा किया...

   ला अब मेरी ख्वाहिश पूरी कर दे,
   खुद कि खुदी से गम को जुदा कर दे!

                     

                   B: हमें खुदा ना केहना, 

                       हम उनके बन्दे भी ना हो सके;

                       बेखुदी में किसी के, खुदा को कुछ ऐसा भुलाया,

                      के ना खुदा की ख़ुशी, ना ही खुद ख़ुशी कर सके. 

die another day

NO
I am not ready yet.
I don't think I'd ever be. 

the mayhem

Have you ever seen a bridge?
focus on how the whole thing stands up in tension the long strands as if holding up the whole weight.

Amazing how the asphalt shines under the street light almost a silvery sheen to it, when the cars pass over it. The bark of a tree, the brown and black lines on its surface marking those years and months and days…no, even small plants have those lines in the bark, the rough texture, it is beautiful. The whole place is thriving, there is noise and crowd all around you, and the sea, the sea though is calm, silent, the most overwhelming in the crowd.

.....-----.....

no don't call me when you walk on the streets, face at the empty asphalt streets.

don't wish i was there when there is a pang you feel, don't look for me when it feels too real.

for it is my time now to crawl walk that mile

my time to fall back, to stop the fight. 

it is my time to stand up, falling on my limbs, to break, to fall, to crawl, to crave.

it is me who will stage the farce, it is me who now leads, who fakes. 

it is my time to shine now, 

arise for me, you lowly dust, arise as i shine, shine my brightest when i burst out in flames.

every single fucking day i think i will call it quits. every mofo-ing day i lose.
i miss being me.

tel maalish!!

[scene: bad, BAD headache, mom giving me an oil massage. ]

bhavika : [speaking out of nowhere]

mummna, you know how i'll select the guy i want to marry?

mom: how?

bhavika: i'll ask him if he can give me an oil massage. if he says yes, i'll marry him. 

Damn you! you hot voice on the radio.

These people on the radio are real marketing geniuses. AND DAMN YOU! YOU HOT VOICE ON THE RADIO. 

Okay before I get damning him again let’s get a little background on the issue.

While single guys sell their asses and sleep it is the single girls who generally lay awake.

Ditto in my case. 

Yes. I lay awake at night people, am a fighting and surviving and re-fighting insomniac.

There are only a few things that help me go off to sleep, music and books and a nice sugar-coated-honey-dipped-thick-as-a-chocolate-cream-voice. 

I just need 3 to 4 pages of a book to see me at my snoring and snorting best ( I am an avid reader, but then I love classics only for the fact that they act as sleeping pills for me, and mind you, *love in time of cholera* works wonders for me…P.S. even though I could survive only the first 90 pages of the book, many of my friends think it is a feat! ). 

Music yes, come night when I am ready to fight my way to sleep, with lights off, I need music. I generally have one nice slow number on repeat and before I know, I am asleep.

Last night I thought I’d try the radio. Yes folks that damned radio. It was a Thursday night, a love song night (give me some credit to this I chance discovered it), and boy oh boy they play these amazing tracks and there is something about the tracks being played to you, tracks sound much better when they are actually played to you and add mush to that and add the voice to that!!

Okay, when I like something I have to say it, so I sent in a sms on the show. 

I mentioned the song I wanted to hear and complimented him on the voice.

He called me back! (and no i did not know they call you back when you send in an sms, so imagine the surprise)

And boy oh boy does he have THE voice!! It sounded much better on the phone people ;)

now i am afraid, i'll turn out to be someone like this.
damn you!, you hot voice on the radio.

Anyways, that having said and 3 phone calls later (he was on and off air, he had a job to do) I was drained out of all the sleep that I could have slept. I did finally sleep last night though (phew!) when? I am not sure.

Damn you hot voice, for you completely upturned my belief system, it was music and the sugar-coated-honey-dipped-thick-as-a-chocolate-cream-voice that helped me sleep, and i was awake last night ONLY because of those things.   

and then when i mentioned the incident to a friend, he simply said it would be an automated call back service. 

damn you!  you hot voice on the radio. =|

knowing,thinking, reaffirming.

there are so many things that you learn about yourself. everyday. ever single fucking day.
but then you have to make sure that you know that about yourself, before anyone else does.
but then that is you, live with it.
oh hell.
.live with it.

ek choti si love story

Have you ever looked at the animal kingdom and wondered at the wonder? 

I did ONCE but of late, well, I haven't. 

I confess I am not an animal lover, but then there are many things that I don't like that I have to see, that I see.

Then there are also other things that I like when I see them. Now there is a huge window in my room, from where I can see the moon!! 

(wah wah!!)

(Okay, no, really i see no moon from here)

No, but there is this amazing love story that I am witness to right outside my window almost every single day...

Presenting the:

 Lafanga pigeon and the Chuimui pegion ki prem kahaani!

Now this is what happens:

Lafanga and Chuimui walk across the window sill every day, without fail.

This is their idea of 'dating' as I would say.

She is your typical girl. She knows he is following her, yet she will walk, half run half hop. But no, never fly away.

(Secretly loving ALL the attention she is getting =P)

Lafanga never misses a chance; he follows her…every day.

They just walk from one point to the other and when she gets tired of walking, or maybe when she becomes aware of me staring at them awestruck, she just flies away and our hero follows suit.... 

One day in the life of Lafanga and Chuimui. 

then there was today when Lafanga did not turn up, she came in as usual...she looked everywhere for him...

just wishing Lafanga turns up this time around... because well:

.........................................................

random conversation : heera---panna ;)

[scene: two people in extreme climate zones talking to each other after a heart to heart session about nothing in particular]

B: hmmm...waise bhi, I should sleep, a pretty and talented girl like me does not need to cry over anything...

A: sahi kaha'
ekdum, "heera ho heera"

B: hmmm....

----after 5 minutes----

B: nahin yaar, panna hun....heera to Dev Anand hain!!

humming: panna ki tamanna hai ke, he(e)era(aa) use mil ja(aaaaa)e(aeaeae)....

the day is registered as the day when i perfected the art of saying FUCK YOU loud and clear to myself.

...lay close...

lay close to me for it is only us tonight...
lay calm for it is just tonight.
lay hushed for it is not 'real' tonight;
 lay with me, for it is life tonight.

got THIS link from Zave's blog. 

P.S. for people addicted to romance.

-------/--\--------

i am laughing my bloody guts out.

i am laughing unashamedly;

uncontrollably.

you hear me laughing?

laugh with me.

laugh me off.

laugh at me.

..................

have you ever tried saying WHOA aloud?

try it.

a face looks like exactly like the printed word . 

have you ever tried faking a smile?

try it.

 i really have no idea how a face looks then, the world suddenly turns blurry. 

-------/--\--------

Of Blogging, Marriage, TV actors and THE building!

Will I have an arranged marriage or a love marriage? Do I know it yet, well no I don’t. But not to worry Vodaphone has decided to answer that for me. there is this certain someone(thing) sitting in the vodaphone office (my soul mate’s better half I guess) who sent me an sms asking me to send an overpriced sms to a number which will send me another sms (grrr!!) back  telling me how exactly I will get married. Isn’t life so damn easy?

                                                   

I have loads to tell. Yes. There was a lull period here, loads of melancholy blah blah..

The time when my blog resembled ‘banjar dharti’ .

I was speaking to a friend about things in general, when I got an important life lesson…excerpts:

A: You should have added a shout-box.

B: I had one...

     I’m planning to revamp the whole thing,there was a lot on the blog

     Now it looks like a widow,  it looks sad hai na?

A: actually, it looks like someplace else not sad to me

B: someplace else?

A: seen the movies Pirates of the Caribbean, Bruce Almighty? The place at the edge of the world, it was white; all white

B: aha!!!

[don’t sue me I have taken permissions to quote the same =P]

See, and I was given a lesson on looking at the glass half full just like that! 

and now I am growing plants here ;)

There are perks of living in an apartment building in the city. Not only you get to live around hot looking men, whom you chance discover on a ‘function-in-the-building’ (Lal Bahadur Shastri ji ki jayanti boss) when they flirt with you in front of your mom (guess who blushed more ;) ) 

realization: guys who wear yellow T-shirts with yellow slippers can be charming =P

Mom offered me to come with her to watch THE Rajni-OMG-why-doesn't-he-rest-now-kant's and A-ice-maiden-come'on-you-are-romancing-RAJNI(really??)-warya's SCI-FI (ROFLMAO!!) flick and I politely(!!!!) refused.

No, just saying. 

lost and found.

[after eons of silence]


Y :can i say something?

X :yes.

Y: don't loose ur friends because of  strangers' rejections.
    you'll be left with nothing

X: hmm...

Y:you cant turn back if you want to, neither go forward.
   i am concerned for you 'coz you have the tendency of hurting urself unnecessarily.
   but your ego wnt allow me closer, to try and help you at  least  let me listen to you...

X:I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved.

[silence]


[almost a day later]


Y: good to see u laughing.

X: there is no other option, is there?

Y: yes there is,ife gives u two fingers to choose.

X: it isn't enough.

Y: anyways I meant it when I said you look good when you laugh.

X: you also said I looked good when I was angry.

Y: you'll look gud to me even if you are drenched in shit and smell like a horse.
   anyways, you should go now.


[silence]