"And with the morn those angel faces smile.. Which I have loved long since and lost awhile."

And now I think I have lost touch.

And now I think I haven’t seen much.

I looked for you everywhere

Have I lost you? I haven’t got a clue.

Are you still around the corner?

Oh! How that time flew.

The dark blanket covers my sky.

I stand there and gaze at the moon in sight.

The time did fly, and the night passed by,

I couldn’t get enough but couldn’t really go out and fight.

I walked through the lane,

I saw them sitting on our bench.

I wanted to tell them it was mine.

But I couldn’t; it wasn’t ours and neither was the time.

Time is the thief, notoriously oblivious to the apprehensions it carries,

I laughed and cried, and lived amongst the fairies.

But where is that place where the nun buried;

Buried, her passions, that love and those sweet cherries?

And now I think I have lost touch.

And now I think I haven’t seen much.

(quote by Newman.)

dn't forget to flush.

"Intelligence is a natural phenomenon -- just as breathing is, just as seeing is. Intelligence is the inner seeing; it is intuitive. It has nothing to do with intellect. Never confuse intellect with intelligence,"
-OSHO.

In the first reading the above line made a lot of sense like some rigorously inspiring thought.
The second reading i was a bit confused.
And by the third reading i was convinced this was nothing but crap...the skill of putting together words skillfully to makes them sound intelligent.
OK i am doing the same thing. have been doing it for a while and will continue doing it. for sure.
But why do we do it?
Life is so utterly uninspiring and boring and mundane that to add up a little spice to all the utterly non-sensible things we do...or the complete absence of any thrill in our lives we use words to beautify the most insignificant things.

Like for what is my passion i answered..."passionately pursuit of passions that I haven’t realized...passion passionately eludes me".

That was crap.

pursuit of passions that I haven’t realized???? gimme a break.

Or is it that we have become this increasingly f@#$ed up- dumb assed-couch potatoes that we don't want to actually go out and do anything. big or small. But rather sit and talk, blog or retrospect about the different ways we get screwed up every day. There was this age of drawing room politics at least it had a human touch back then. this age is the age of blog-politics. it no longer is a dialogue now has manifested into a monologue...where to from here?

A numerologist suggests Athena in the 'witch of Portobello' (-Paulo Coelho) that she take up studies like computing and engineering because that job profile doesn't involve human interactions. and engineers and computer professionals have maxed out today..is that the reason?

The song that perfectly describes and defines 'today', 'the days of our lives' (: p) is : 'ticky tacky little boxes'

All said and done more than being a way to direct our creative energies talking and discussing today has become shitting, puking, pissing thoughts. However filthy that might be. It is just human, biological and very necessary. and i continue doin it.

as a friend points out. "mujhe pata hai k kya panga hai...but panga hai"

dn't forget to flush.

........blah, blah and then some more blah................. Yeah and ‘I, ME and (a lot of) MY-SELF”

1...2....3....4.....5..... [elves ringing tune]......”dhan tana tana nana....kya aap nayi...” blah blah...beep...beep...aarrgghhh!!!

Ok how embarrassing it is to keep waiting for the phone to ring and it does not.
Not waiting for any particular phone calls just any other phone call, but no, the phone does not ring.
It just stays. Ok now you scan the contact list for someone to call...hmm...1.what to talk about...2.naah out of balance...std call...3...blah...blah...aaarrgghhh!!!!
What happens when you want to talk to somebody, just about anybody and you can’t? You have people around you but you instead have your earplugs on even if there is no music playing.

This is the blank, blunt, sometimes numbing phase succeeding that phase of your life when you have lived with the phone.
Slept talking on the phone and woke up not to the sound of the alarm bell but your phone vibrating because of an impending call.
I hated it so much so that my phone was on silent/off/offline mode all the time. And today I want that to happen sometimes at least. Yeah I do want that to happen. I check my phone the last dialed call was about timed to a time 20 hours ago. Sad life.

Sleepless nights spent thinking of a single moment...”ek lat suljhane me saari raat guzari hai”...yup that feeling...today the whole night is spent thinking of something to think about...some food for thought is it?? My thoughts are starving then...

I had a yearlong writer’s block [not that I am a writer or something]. I am writing again but then I lack inspiration, I am more indiscriminate, more random, it is good in a way, but I am becoming sillier, that is food for my humour maybe.
See, my writing lacks structure.
Yesterday I was five colours in a single day, unbelievable but true, I was pink in the morning, (both literally and physically), then I was yellow as soon as I reached office, laughed so hard that my back hurt (yeah it goes the other way round here), then I was black, mood to kill, like serious kill, then I turned neutral, beige (??), then I was white with little hints of blue, the shade got deeper after some time, and then till i slept i was pissed off enough to turn grey.....
....yeah the phone stays. It just bloody stays.
........................

Okay why did i write this?
Why did i write the line above this line or this line??
Is it actually my inability to talk, maybe the writer’s(????) block was because of my never ending phone calls and my keeping shut for my own good. And the block has been taken off and the writing is flooded because i am just basically talking and like some wise ol’ lady said “talking isn’t necessarily conversing’.
So this is basically me conversing with myself.

........................

...hmmm..."tanhai ne fursat di hai"

Why am I denying you?
Every single day I fight with myself.
sometimes to find my love that is there but is in such a tucked away-locked away corner of my heart that I can't find it.
and sometimes all of a sudden. without notice it is right on ky face....and i can't look away. those days i have to fight with myself to not not-deny you.
I know it is stupid. but I know the ramification of it. I know the baggage that comes with it. All the after-effects. I don’t want to be with you and repent.
But there are these blatant moments when I am without you and repent....
…no point…
I guess I should be back to work.

pass me a little salt :|

What is that blot on paper?
A neat handwriting revealing to you the deepest secrets the world could hold and just on that line when the hypothesis turns to fact there you have an ink blot. A tiny one, true, but a significant one nevertheless.
The food served is exceptional, presented right, but that little less salt ruins the main course.
One has the fantabulous dessert in the offering after a sumptuous meal but that one spice that you craved for is missing.
You get felt all over but the wink is that is missing.
Those moments when you crave for the attention you are carelessly walked over.
And when u could handle any thing under the sun you get the rock to pester you.
…….yeah can you just pass me a little salt?

The question.

Some things have the same situation in life, as that of water enclosed in a rock.
This water in times to come will freeze in the rock and shatter it.
Who is to be blamed in such a scenario?
Is the water guilty of its nature…it is water’s nature to freeze.
Or is it the fault of the rock which enclosed water.
What does one do when faced with such a situation?
Cry and wail in despair. Or, in silent suffering, wait for the rock to be shattered.

This rock resembles the phases of life.
Time is water and life the flow.
Water freezes in the rocks and the flow stops for a moment.

Water never looses its identity but the flow changes forever…

A friend of mine suggested…

Be a rock through which water flows freely, easily.
Do not allow the water to freeze.
Do not allow any one to control the flow…control you.

You are your biggest strength. Do not go looking about for security.

I have a question…

What is that kind of a rock through which water passes easily?
Porous rocks…will it be a rock then?
A cold heart…an indifferent heart…one which is not affected by anything.
Is this the price one has to pay?