a song for my heart.

"What if I fall?"

"Oh my darling...what if you fly!"

-Erin Hanson

pure bliss is when a relationship can be surmised by these two sentences. 

whatever it takes.

Planning, shielding walking or rafting.
Whatever it takes. 

Finding a sweet spot in your own life where you can comfortably sink in and watch the world go by is difficult. It is not the finding that is difficult, it is, it is difficult, but it is not the only thing that is difficult.
It is also difficult to keep it. 

It is not difficult to keep it because of the obvious reasons, it is difficult to keep because you don't know how to stay in the place. You are not used to doing the right thing; not used to being nice, not used to being happy in the right place at the right time.

You are not used to being happy, not used to being content.

Trying. TRYING.
whatever it takes.

of ketchup and haircuts.

1. you have to seriously reconsider your cooking when your husband reaches for ketchup/pickle at every meal
2. you can lose friends over a hair cut! [or earn their wrath =( ]
3. 'stealing the thunder' is a real thing. 

enjoy the weekend you guys!

Bonjour!

And this week comes to a close.

One day can teach you many things, and I learnt through the week.

This week taught me more than I could keep pace with.

I had a panic attack (or so I call it) which was the fallout from bad performance at work, losing people over  misunderstandings, the feeling of inadequacy, the tally between 'what could have been- what should have been- what is now', the volcanic eruption of everything that I had bottled up inside of me (read as a whole lotta crap). I lived for an entire day with a nagging feeling of uneasiness coupled with a strange fear that I am going to burst into flames any moment now, and I was literally trying to save myself from falling (and yes not to mention the falling in a moving bus and the conductor saving me and pointing out the seat that remained unoccupied coz I was preoccupied, yes I was not hurt, save a non-existential scratch on the wrist).

I was on a spree looking for ego-boosters and trying to be invisible both at the same time.

I was saved (and no I am not being melodramatic by using this word “saved” is the right term) by this one long chat with a friend, who without even asking for directions showed me a better way out.  

“ you know what, you are not perfect, in fact no one is, but there is nothing wrong with it. If given a chance again to be anyone you can be, be yourself “

"you are the person who rates yourself, prepares the performance card shows to yourself and the world."

And why am I saying this? because if you, YOU who is reading this is feeling down or are blued out or are having a panic attack or are making merry with friends (but then if that is the case why would you be reading me?) and/or having a good time this is for you too. You may be special for some one who you might not even remember, someone may be looking upto you. someone who is a friend when you need a friend the most and just appears from the blue wants you to be you. 

Anyways this brings me to the realizations:

1.      Girlfriends are EXTREMELY essential (for girls in the strictest platonic-friendship way). Nothing equals to sharing coffee at the beach  after work at the end of an excruciating week with an old friend who does not bitch/complain/judge/argue/philosophize and just lets you be and is herself.

2.     The ‘I-AM-ALWAYS-RIGHT’ philosophy is wrong. Don’t practice it, don’t put up with it. Its like smoking a cigarette, suicide and homicide in one go.

3.     The stress buster: smile at total strangers. The auto-wala, the woman struggling to get her way out of the bus, the conductor who haggles with you for change, the woman looking at you from the mirror. Smile and it is magic.

4.      Housewives are the hardest, most-est HARDEST-est working people in the human history, atleast my mother is. (1 month of cooking, looking after dad, packing the dabba, taking care of the 'subah-raashan-khatm-hogaya', 'bai-nahin-aai' dilemmas I will fight with any man/woman who says that housewives have it easy)

5.     Unlearning is difficult. Don’t settle for anything less, ever; if something is curbing your thoughts, creativity, putting you in a box don’t settle for it. Because this causes a lot of damage. You know your capabilities don’t let anyone make you underperform, you might not be able to rise (/or have difficulty rising when the opportunity strikes). 

that is that. 

take care folks, keep smiling.

issues.

I have trust issues.

Q: Why?
A: Because every time I trust someone I fall flat on my face.

So? 
Now, I am just saving my nose and not trusting and hence not falling and hence much safer. 











over and out.

misplaced sanity

I have been on this ‘blame-the-flirt’ road before.


(here not that this gets negated, the argument is furthered)

But today is a new day.

A flirt is someone who just likes the ‘good’ part of it. 

Now,let me explain. When in the honeymoon period of the romance, you have so much to talk about, the other person on the other end of the line is all crazy about you and you are the perfect (-est) person in the entire world.

The whole world suddenly paints itself in different shades of yellow.

Now as the day progresses the perfect you turns into everything that is wrong with the world. The intrigue that was so attractive before now seems like the unnecessary dark shade in the character. Your smile that could brighten up the night skies in the past suddenly now is too toothy (or maybe too wide or not wide enough).

Like that loaf of bread on the kitchen shelf you turn tasteless (and rotten) with time.

The flirt stands for the good things, does not let things decay, upholds the ‘hope’/’good’/’happy’ by not venturing into the unavoidable ‘decay’.They are the sanest of all.

Cheers to the flirt.

zilch theory

how many times are you allowed to start your life from zero?

fuck who gives a shit about the rules.

the hard fact : if your starting point is the same you are nothing better than the dog who goes round and round trying to catch his tail.
get a life, find a bone. 

oh dear! baby, stop being a dog. 

easy come...easy go.

It is annoyingly easy for someone to come close...and suprisingly effortless to move away.

mind over matter

I think I have lost it.

It is an empty mind that I have.

Totally, completely, empty.

It likes peace. Wo kehte hain na zyada shor nahin pasand.  

I am a loner who is attracted to loners, sits in a corner and looks at people. I love stairs, any kinds, it is an innate desire to sit on the stairs, as opposed to the desire where people might want to climb them. I want to sit there and look, watch.

I can spend the entire life watching people.

Watching people with headphones on. I hate the noise. The clamor. I have enough noise in my head already. Empty mind creates a lot of demons like an empty house echoes every gasp.

An empty mind is impulsive, does not think.
Or sometimes it mulls over things at end and loses the track of time.

I am neither a fool nor wise; I am neither not a fool…neither not wise.

hush now, don't speak too loud. 

 ...

bOObs DON'T talk.

Where do you look when you speak to a lady? (Lady = me)

You look in her eyes, not look too intently (unless you have specific intensions) but specially, especially NOT HER BOOBS. For the simple fact that the tits DO NOT SPEAK, or for that matter they don’t even listen to what you are saying ( and when you are boring the shit out of me even I am not listening to you).

This well dressed, very annoying friend (though have to really consider calling him that again) sat across me as we met after 2 years. I expected pleasantries, but he was the businessman who came in with three proposals to give my sagging career a welcome break. Not that I need it (not that the career is not thanda but ‘coz I decide the pace) but I appreciate that he considered me for that particular bore-karo-session.

And then he started talking. My boobs suddenly seemed like the North Pole and his eyes the arrow of the compass that kept pointing to them.

I ignored it (I am attractive enough to understand that =P)

Then I waved my hand (I wanted to subtly tell him that I am noticing)

Then I asked him to talk to ME.

Still he kept doing it, I rushed through the dinner and finished the early dinner earlier than intended.

I have a lot of guy friends and no one does that, or maybe they are too subtle ( or maybe they consider me a dude =|) it is not exactly such a wrong thing to do, I mean you look at my eyes, you look at my boobs, what is the big difference right? But you won’t eat with your nose or breathe with your palms right? So when you are talking to me use the right body parts, when you are perv-ing use the right ones.  

The other problem was, I realized that even when he was addressing the boobs, he was making perfect sense, like he was looking at another wall. Come on. Really? If you are looking at something that is so attractive that you are getting distracted, get distracted sahi se.

This made me realize three things:

One that my face is not half as attractive as my boobs (which were not even highlighted I mean I was wearing a very loose kurta style shirt) and the second that the boobs were not even attractive enough for him to mince words.

(neither of the above make sense coz I have very pretty eyes and I can get people to vouch for it, no really) (and no, am not going to justify the second observation. =|)

The third was this was the fact that this is not making me uncomfortable but confusing me so there should be something fundamentally wrong with me. 

…

In short I had a not too interesting Saturday evening.

Bah.

And all you guys reading this : BOOBS DON’T TALK.

random(err)

your  hold on your grammar is the measure of your hold on your morals;your hold on you.


i have now stopped editing my blog posts before posting them. they are irreparable. 

(not a general statement. not one bit)

oh btw, India won the world cup. =D cheers!

...

Of the many ways of beating perfection, one is to stoop low. 
So low, so that you know, that you are not good enough for perfection any more.

...

realization 1: loves "LOVE AAJ KAL".

OK, go on with the swear words now.

=)

a smile sure straightens many things.

my valentine's gift was a rs.5 discount by the gali ka sandwich wala on a rs. 30 ka sandwich.

only because i looked very flushed and yet smiled at him.

realization: try to smile. things will fall into place. even for a while.

=)

realizations:potty thoughts.

realization 1: if you want to do something, say it. 
                    if you really want to do something, don't.


...chances are when you hear yourself/read yourself saying it, you won't do it. 


realization 2: sometimes the best way to stay is to leave. 
because after a certain time,if you around, you are just someone who is around. 

bah

the most clichéd thing about a cliché is that it is true. 

wasn't that another cliché? 

Ra(han)domness

YES my blog is officially malicious now. 

As of you who have had the guts to break that RED WALL with the huge warning to not, NOT, get into my blog, all I can say is, bhai bahut zyada Rambo-giri dikhane ki zarurat nahin hai, PC crash ho gaya to???

But now that you are here, you might as well pay for it. It is complete randomness, like I made sense pehle kabhi.

Umm, for all US, dyslexic people ( I call myself that all the time,because of the power of making spelling mistakes vested in me by my language teachers who thought they’d  have no marks to award me if they deducted marks per word ) random is a gravely funny word.

Yes, you can have so many random thoughts all of them making sense. Major discoveries are outcomes of randomness. Newton and the naked guy running around the town shouting Eureka (YES, I am too tired to Google that up, BUT I continue blabbering, roko, chalo roko =|) all chance, random thoughts.

One such thought came to me when I was walking back home from the station (yes I live in Mumbai now, I don’t hate is as much now but well more on that later) (now for people who follow my HTML-tag (all googled gyaan) that leads to my music blog will know how much this walk today has been special (bleh, small little idiotic things are special, so what? =\)

RANDOM GYAAN part 1:

Hmm, job hunting is so much like a break up (or heartache or a stomach ache or headache or motions, umm never mind)  

Your mail gets filled with spam while the only person you want to hear from does not bother to reply =|

You call up people and they fix up appointments, you show up before time and then they say they’ll call you back. You end up waiting for calls that never come.

Every time your phone rings you leap towards it and your irritating friend (categorized as the person who likes all your links on FB but you don’t like them one bit) is on the other end, all smiling and happy saying how interesting her office-walas are. You laugh at all their stupid jokes. =| but the call never comes.

 And when it happens you are least prepared for it. Like when a lover calls you, the whole conversation flies off and the phone gets disconnected and then you remember the questions that you had to ask. 
Meh!

RANDOM GYAAN PART 2.

BEAN BAGS are the bestest and the worstest  (yes, YES, I will use words that are non- existent, header nahin dekha =\)  pieces of furniture there are.

picture THIS. you are at bliss, with your ass and back being supported in a way that you could have only imagined; right then, there is need to go to the loo, you come back and sit and the whole feeling is gone. =| (don't blame the bladder, it has the right to get into emergency mode any time)

You just ,only at times, get it right, THAT is some hard work for the laze. =\

TOTALLY in love with the new Vodaphone ads, special things you do to me…amazing ads!!

I couldn’t find the song nor the youtube videos for the same.

RANDOM GYAAN PART 3:

Saala google b dhoka de deta hai. =/ (keep prompting i won't change it to upper case =|)

RANDOM TIP: when you know you get horrible pictures of yours, don't stop. you just might surpass yourself, you'll make worse pictures. (don't ask me why this now. bola na random hai)

truth and beauty are cousins at war.

realizations: there i go again!

OK now there is this new realization, that has been on my mind since long but then anything that takes me away from what i love does not, AT ALL, go well with me.
1. the theory is that to be a happy person (yes fellas i am not bipolar, it is just that melancholy is my favorite vice) you have to be around happy people and listen to happy songs.
 sad songs depress you ALWAYS. period.
 nostalgia is not always unhappy and that good songs that have so formed your childhood (yeah the stupid one's as well) make you happy.
the corollary: well so that means you choose to be happy or unhappy but then to that i say , like calvin says, vice is not for better or worse, vice is just different than virtue.

'cut the crap honey!'

'eeee i know!!' 

so the long story short, i make my choices...it was melancholy a week back and, well, it is for the happier me today.
yeah another realization, 2. you know you are getting better with people when you earn sweet nicknames =D

i just love this track, this is one of my happy childhood memories:

realization 3, yeah i just found out, internet has no secrets, or well, yeah that also could mean i am famous ;)

*is mod se jaate hain, kuch sust kadam raste, kuch tez kadam raahen*

wouldn't you ask if i wanted to hold you?
wouldn't you come when i want you?
won't i have conversations as i watch the sunrise?
can i walk away knowing ill be called back?
won't i see the rain without misty eyes?
won't i catch the smile? won't that smile be mine?

can i have the honey dipped sugarcoated mush without the chagrin?

can i have a little more of ME before being condemned?