25 random things on 25th december ho! ho! ho!

i have been tagged!! =)

the person who tagged me: dranz3r.

alright i write here 25 random things (well it is pretty much random here anyways =P)

1. this is my first tag.

2. it is christmas.

3. i love this time of the year but i am too cynical to believe in santa claus. just like i am too cynical to believe that i will be rewarded if i do something good and get away with something wrong i do, thus the difficulty of me being good =| but i am scared of ghosts/spitrts and avoid watching horror flicks =|

4. as a continuation of the above i slept with my parents for a whole week after i saw RGV's "Bhoot". =/

5. my back hurts when i laugh unlike the belly-aches most people have when they laugh. i am all turned around eh!

6. i fell in and out of love in a single day =P  i fall in love with things at random...all the time =)

7. i use smilies incessantly.=|

8. i just checked dranz3r's blog to see if everything has to be about me or not =P

9. i once worked 18th hours at  a stretch for a submission and finished 3 movies from start to finish, i heard those movies though...i generally listen to movies when i am tired of melody...yeah happens at times.

i know the dialogues of DIL TO PAGAL HAI by heart =P

10. i tend to start finding reasons to hate people whom i love the most. loose friends for that reason all the time. weird =(

11. i havn't seen the season finale of FRIENDS till date...it is not over for me yet. =)

12. the first things: i notice in a man the lips,the hands and the eyes.

      the perfect combination of three: josh hartnett.

13. i hate all things over-hyped.

14. peter piper picked a pack of pickeled pepper. did peter piper pick a peck pf pickeled pepper. if peter piper picked  a peck of pickeled pepper. where is the peck of pickeled pepper that peter piper picked.

15. if there was no other dino in godzilla how did she manage to lay eggs?

16. why do t.v. celebs cry all the time? it makes me seem so heartless.

17. why do hindi news anchors not join the gang making t.v. soaps? beta news me koi kam drama thodi hota hai...kal aaj tak ka special telecast nahin dekha?"

18. i hate strawberry ice-cream and the colour pink.

i bought a pair of bubblegum sandals with pink soles and i am in love with them.

weird =/

19. i am running out of things to write!!!

20. i identify with male cartoon characters...i am bear a close resemblance to garfield.

     yes pankaj i am a girl =P

21. i hated chemistry in school and the teacher hated me as well. when i visited school last year at the reunion he came up to me and said you really gave me a hard time but i was one of the very few people in the batch whose name he could remember =P

22. i have changed 4 schools in total and was the principal' s pet in 3 of them. the teachers always found reasons to hate me though =P

23. i get used to things pretty quick. i get over things pretty quick.

but i dont get used to people at all and worse cant get over very soon. =(

24. my favourite t-shirt has 5 tiny holes which i refuse to let go and still continue wearing it at home. =)

25. it is 12:52am and the date is 25th december.

alright now, your turn if you've survived this long. anyone who reads it is tagged. gosh like i am cursing people like dranz3r said.."i'll be checking =D"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! 

 bored? refer the image above.

the constant monologue: i talk myself to sleep.

the recent news where a mom twitted about her son's death attracted fury,concern and sympathy in equal measure.
in my core group it evoked pity, for her and a time for reality check for ourselves.
all this sounds so cliche' technology has taken us away from people and is like all cliche's so true.
this generation of us, of self-proclaimed self professed intellectuals/geeks constantly on the network,looking for people looking for the likes.
i have been constantly complained to of being unconcerned or less concerned about people around me. i am called the silent types, but i chat away,blog away to glory all the while.

my friends are on my computer

it is a sad situation.
and the more saddening part is i am blogging about my concerns about blogging.

a friend of mine clarifies and i quote:
"I blog about things i wouldn't tell anyone 'coz i know they wouldn't be bothered(and in turn finding people who can relate to it)"

reason enough for now =|

intrestingly

a visit to a 'crafts mela' and i am wondering.

1. paper flowers last more, sell more, cost less. they don't wither and die, they last as long as you want them to...the typical sasta sundar mazboot ...they don't leave you, they don't wither and die, is that why they fail to attract as much as a bunch of fresh lilies or sunflowers?
so all good things are good because they come with a limited time period. a city on a holiday looks great,feels great, you tend to explore it more in 10 days than people staying there do in years.
really?

2. a sai temple where the evening 'aarti' is going on, and the chai-cum-paan shop right next to it a lane dividing them...both the places packed with people...people clapping...one on the beats of the 'aarti'  the other on a 'sixer' by someone in blue...
different people,different religions,different gods.


another interesting picture i came along.

later.

here and there

night. silent. dark.
the target set...eyes fixed on the bleak light at a distance.
the bleak lights on doorways to a wonderland,the land of an eternal light...
the land of endless possibilities...the land where desires are fulfilled...
dreams are turning into reality. the moment of redemption is near. the breaths are fast. steps slow but more surer....reach for the handle....

aaaaa mooosssaaaa
hush
 
ENOUGH OFF TO BED RIGHT NOW

the dragon lady wakes up denying the only pleasure a 5 year old and a 7 year old recognize...the ice-cream

ab batao...tummy ki sune k mummy ki

...................................................................................

P.S.1: i just love that line in that irritating ad =P
P.S.2: complete fiction...bleak lights on the refrigerator btw.
P.S.3: don't mind the pretty-less-thought-given-and-complete-lack-of-mindfulness or the stupidity of the post i am too scared of another writers block.
..................................................................

joblessness kills.not you but the people around.
my mother (who is a workaholic house-wife ) asked me to find  a job for myself after my second nap just before lunch...laze just never found its rightful place under the sun.

whtevr..

a lazy morning.
a lazy afternoon.
a lazy evening
and a late night.

pretty much sums up life. =|
yeah so with no inspiration and nothing happening in life worth writing about i thought of writing a 55 fiction.
(probably this is the way a blogger turns into a writer hi hi)

[two people on the street silence]

"You know you are annoying."

"No, I am not. You are."                                          

"You wish...You are."

"NO"

"aha?"

"alright peace"

"No, i think you are right. I am sorry."

[silence]

"You know what, I agree"

[silence]

"You know YOU ARE ANNOYING."

[silence]

redemption

redeem me please, redeem from my clutches;

free me from the angst.

leave me to die alone;

but don't lurch in the dark.

come out in the open;
come clean upon my face.
i have nothing to offer you.
i have been hiding, been invisible for fate.

all i have on me is, the over-whelming alone-ness and a little disgrace.

a little story i finished writing , a little story that spoke of me;
with your profound essence, a little wary of your being.
wont you sing me the lullaby, oh! sing to me please;
sing to me as i drift, away; away into sleep.

all in a morning's work =)

it's a bizzare morning.

dying already =|
i am reading TUESDAYs WITH MORRIE nowadays (close to completion now) and was catching up an early morning broadcast of  THE BUCKET LIST (movie) on HBO. both involve old men in the last days of their life. well it was ironical 'coz i woke up in the morning running a temperature and a runny nose and all through the movie i was in a blanket, a sweater on me sneezing and coughing. i realized the irony of it after movie was over and i got rid of the sweater and the mess in the room rearranged the furniture and got a grip  =|

It is nice to not know about some-things and let you mom explain them to you =)
My mom is a share-enthusiast or whatever they are called. i am a big zero in the totality. she constantly discusses the share market with my brother. who supposedly understands and nods. I DON'T. yeah, i am ignorant and my mom takes great pleasure in talking about it in my presence.
i secretly love it. she likes the fact there still are certain things that she can teach me.
[ i cant learn cooking from her. we have completely different procedures of almost everything].

it is nice to not-know about some-things and let your mom explain them  to you =)


yeah, not to forget i also saw a bull fight this morning =P

and its just about noon.

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

i am the father. yes.
i feel proud when my son recites the poem he recited on the stage in his annual function.

i am the father.
i love my daughter.
i love to see her dance.  dance away.

                            
i am the father.
i look into my wife's eyes when she describes the time when my son said something mature for the first time, when my daughter wrote her name for the first time. while i was away...

i am the father.
i try and look into her eyes for the magic of that moment i missed.
through my reading glasses i see her smile.beaming at her children.
                          
i am the father.
i am the person who leads the way, who walks alone.
who stands behind the camera capturing each moment spent.


i am the father.
i am the person who is the silent lover, while the mother takes the accolades.
who lives through the nine months wait; dotingly besides the lady on the bed.

i am the father.
my eyes swell with proud tears that is why i look away;
knowing at that exact moment i am complete.

i am the father, yes.

can nor cannot want you...

sms 1 [from Y to X]: "she hugged me yesterday and i dint feel a thing.."
sms 2 [from X to Y]: hmm.

does she look you in the eye and tell you how you feel?
does she know You are for real?
does she feel warm and secure in your embrace?
does she feel the fondness in your gaze?

or do you?

do you think of me when she looks at you knowingly?
am i around when the laughter rings clear?
am i there when the smile starts in your lips...am i at the coffee house?
am i there when  you look in her eyes...do you search for me in the mist of her eyes?

did you buy it...or found it lying around?

did you put in your pocket or  tucked somewhere in you....somewhere deep down?

am i lost or am i loosing you?

-----------------------------------

[i was suggested by someone that i write  a P.S. footer for better understanding of the posts..here goes]

P.S.: X and Y were in love. now they seem to be moving on, away from each other after a breakup. X informs Y of a new girl....

FINALLY

"where everyone knows your name...."

coming home....

FINALITY

when things have been done, when things have been said...when bags are packed.

in those final  breaths before that impending end...

part 1:

Awake to the loneliest part of the day.

The sky is turquoise blue.

It is not day anymore or night yet.

Walk on the noisiest part of the road; People push as they march no-one notices the fall.

Wish it still was about the crossroads? Wish it wasn’t the dead end to the one way road, the end, is it?

It isn’t crossroads anymore; it is not about the destiny yet.

Do you want it tangy? You never wanted it to be sweet.

Is it bitter still? A little ketchup will do the trick. Doesn’t do it anymore, does it?

It just doesn’t taste the same anymore; maybe it is just about hunger now.” Ahem! Don’t they serve capsules here?”

Wish to be lonely and hate when it is silent. Wish to talk and talk; but just gasp and pass.

They laugh away, who is the jest? Mirrors talk? Do they?

You wish to be invisible, shut up and go but you don’t and just wait. Wait to be overwhelmed.

part 2:


Awake to the loneliest part of life;

Then take the walk back. Walk from a place which made a zilch of you; into a place, holding nothing of you.

Walk from alone-ness into total stupor. Walk from randomness into anarchy, into mayhem.

Walk into darkness from the only ray of light.

A blinding- glare waits at the end of the tunnel for you. Asked for that lamp with a little darkness underneath?

Exposed and raped but still untouched; were Looked at, and knocked on the heaven’s doors?

They stopped making philtre long back.

But where are the other bottles? Aren’t those marked poison anymore?

Do they call it by a name? Do they recognise it by a face? Is that yours?

Isn’t the brightest day light just a trick before it commences towards its final death.

Isn’t destination after all the last tea-shop before the dead end?

Were you smothered into the finality?


Aren't you scripting another beginning to another end?

deAd aGain

a gleaming light shone.
around the corner blazing like before.
its gone out again.
and i am dead again.

random conversations: me

him: that was me in the story that was my story.

her: [at loss.till date.]

...

to be or not to be.

him: tu ishq jatane me believe karti hai?

her: haan b nahin b.
thoda dikhao thoda  chupao. dn't say it directly. give subtle hints.
katra katra...

[after some time]

her: aur tu?

him: nahin yar allah ne mujhe itna patience nahin dia. i can keep it bottled up for a long time. then i just have to let it out.

MY CRIME (?)

am i criminal if try and think for me for a change.
i do not want you . i do not love you. i do not love him either.

but am i a criminal if i care for myself.

but am i a criminal if i care for YOU, as well.

am i a criminal  if i say i care for you but cannot love you.
am i a criminal if i listen to you when you shriek and shout and call me names?
am i a bloody criminal when i say someone is perfect. am i insane?
am i a criminal if i for a change let go?
if i found a little happiness for me beyond you?

am i a criminal if i moved on?

aren't you so bloody selfish when you call me so??

why should i live with the guilt when you go fuck up your life?
why should i feel guilty if i was happy?
why should i not find happiness for myself?

aren't you responsible for yourself?
why am i supposed to take care of you?
did you ever take care of me?
why do you want me to pity you?

why do you loose your dignity in front of me?

why do i feel guilty every time i smile without you?

why do i still want to sit besides you?

why do i still smile with you?

i should die really.

P.S.: a situation when you want to be in a crossroad so that there is a third option left to go. instead of  a single road where you either go up or down, an option to just move sideways.

un-requited love

YOU stood on the cross-road,

honey kissed eyes.

you saw me walking towards you,
smiled.

looked at you, spat,

"what the hell now?"

i saw in your left hand,

a white polythene and a pair of cute pink socks.

like a flash that evening ran in front of my eyes.

i remembered,running out of change,not buying, sighing.

you remembered.

before i said another word, looked up,saw the silhouette walk away.

I gasped,
.............you,the pair of cute pink socks and me.

"He would not stay for me, and who can wonder?

He would not stay for me to stand and gaze. 

I shook his hand, and tore my heart in sunder,

And went with half my life about my ways."

HUH!

ACT 1:

 ACT 2:

loop...

period.

CHOICE

some choices just have to be made.

the choice of being happy or unhappy.
the choice of closure.
the choice of letting it hang loose.
the choice of overiding your happiness for some-one else's.
happiness, which you know you are going to take away.
this done so that when you finally make the final kill the person has something to fall back onto. or more likely so, so that there are no negetive repurcursions;
no guilt.

small gestures of care shown to the other to mask your guilt for you.

some choices just have to be made.

the choice of shutting up.
shutting up even when you know you have been wronged, you have wronged.
shutting up even when you know you are being misinterpreted, misunderstood.
shutting up 'coz you do not care.
shutting up 'coz you do not want to mess situations which are already bad.


days pass without having spoken a word.
days pass without noticing people around.
days pass when you wake up unkempt, to unkept promises, un-met deadlines.
days pass you wake up, walk around, last the day, lay down and die. unseen.
you still make the choice of lasting through the day.
the choice of responding is still made.
lie is still chosen over truth.

some choices just have to be made.

realizations 2.

1. i mull, sulk (do not crib ever) when i am free, idle. 
i jump back to being a happy person when i am creatively engaged.


2. since a week or so all the blogs i liked were written by females.
though only male friends of mine blog, it struck as something weird to me. till i found a blog by a male blogger which i instantly liked. the scales are still tipped in favor of girls.

hmm...


3. Sikhs do not wear helmets. a final conclusion drawn after years of thinking over it.

[P.S. realisation 1 and 2  are related . i was mindlessly blogsurfing for about 3 to 4  days ( coz i was idle at office) til i found work for myself today :P ]

mon oeil !

parents: license to screw your life. well, they made you. so they own you. so it is their call.

elders: license to boss around.
"too young to take a decision honey" 
"you are too young to speak honey"
"you are too matured/practical for your age honey"

people younger to you:  
"hey u do not understand".
.yeah i was never there...yeah and i also do not know what you are doing...
[: |]

people who think they know me but they don't, but they think they know me enough[phew!!]: 
"what happened?"
"hey are you angry?"

"what happened?"
"why are you so serious?"

"hello baby" [go get a life,screw yourself]
"you should be more considerate, reach out to people" [huh??]


people who know me: we share silence.

[updates soon]

whims and fancies

"what was the inspiration behind it? it felt like you answered my questions for me the ones that were left hanging...somehow"

"i would be lying if i didn't have your convo in mind. i tried to sum up evrybody's feelings...the despair...Agony"

[ a tiny tear drop rolls down my cheek]

"Thank you"

YES and NO

after about 15days of silence between X and Y

[sms: time 00hrs 00 mins: from X to Y]
"i want to hug you, and sleep with my head on your shoulders"

[sms: time 3hrs 30mins from Y to X]
"i will sleep well tonight"

[sms: time 13hrs 30mins from Y to X]
"did you send the sms by mistake"

[sms: time 14hrs from X to  Y]
"NO"

 [sms: time 14hrs 30mins from X to  Y]
" Doesn't mean we're back"

[sms: time 15hrs from Y to X]
"have a smiling day beautiful"

i thought i had lost you.

[around 12:30 pm...thursday afternoon in the office. 4 missed calls and 2 messages later bhavika looks at the phone...an impending call from mumma]

mumma:[hysterically shouts] where were you beta. i called so many times. why are you so careless.

bhavika: I'm fine mumma, was at another desk, wasn't online through the day, didn't check my phone.

mumma: [cries on the phone] i spilled milk this morning... i thought you were lost. i thought i had lost you...
            

my bubblegum sandals!!

i remember the afternoon when we sat on the porch.

i was in love with my bubblegum sandals and you told me of my childhood.

today when i sit with my child i see the bubblegum sandals she wears.

and i tell her about the child who wore bubblegum sandals just like these.

dead and alive :)

suddenly, all of a sudden you wake up and realize you are too precious just too precious to run down into oblivion....to get lost.
it has been just a day and i am back. :)
didn't even give people time to realize (assumption is there were people who did keep track of me :P)
maybe it is unwritten garbage that i have added my share to. maybe.
but there are a small set of people who care and people who want me around.
people who do not actually understand my depths but want to see me smile.
people who know me inside out, like an open book and still love me.

like a popular song goes

"...and this life is too short to live it just for you..."

i am living dreams of most women in my family. my cousin who said i was close to living your life...my mom who always wanted her daughter to be like i am...i am living her dream.

i am too full of myself to do that i realized. i have too little time to live pissed off with the world.

too little time to not spend with immediate people around me.

there is too much in formation around me that i have to gather and too many people who need my immediate attention.

it is too short a life to spend hating/disliking/ignoring people.

but please forgive me if i still am indifferent/ a little too full of myself/ a little too selfish for your comfort/ a little too open and make you awkward/ a little too bland, blunt / a little too off the hook for you :P

i apologize if i hate it when you have expectations out of me. chances are i wont live up to them or many a times exceed them.

i still need the pathos for the sheer pleasure of basking into bliss that follows.

i am all this i will be all this. this makes me what i am.

lolz...death in the cyber world is a sure way to have a quick look at what people will do/feel like when you are actually dead. i am just not too sure if i want to find out :)

it isn't just me:

it is 3:20 pm. am in the office. and my gtalk window has 6 people online 4 of which have the following status messages.

1.reshu1231:
  ye mood bhi badi kamini   cheez hai :-(

2.somu di: Dead again..

3.vinobha: am bored of    being bored...!

4.ruchira: TIRED!!!!

yeah and good ones are:

5.nimit.parmar: @ Work   -Every man is the architect   of his own fortune

6.ghani sir: Busy till 15th   Dec.2010 call me if u need   my services

random conversations: :)

[during an arbitrary conversation]

him: main ai ai ai...
her: aaja.


[after a few days]

him: [suddenly speaks] us din jab maine tujhe main ai ai ai kaha tha tab tujhe main j j j kehna chahie tha.
her: huh??
         hmmmm... :)

hindi ya english?

him: english main koi b baat ktni directly keh sakte hain na. say "i want to kiss you" hindi main is line ko kaise bolenge? "mujhe tumhara chumbhan lena hai"?

her: hmm.
log b to aise hi hote hain.

him:hmm.

random conversations: of sandals and scandals.

her: pata hai i broke my sandals toady. this is like 2 of them in one week.

him: hmm.

[after 30 mins or so]

her: i stapled my sandals!!!

him: i stapled my scandals.

ek purana mausam lauta :)

yeah, indolence makes you do silly things sometimes and before you realize they turn out to be very interesting.

i was bored in office (as usual) i went through all my scraps  :)

from beginning [in orkut]

yeah yeah it sounds very mundane and silly...but i had so much fun. there are scraps from 2006 from people i do not even remember and what good rapport i seem to have shared with them.

on the other hand i have other friends who have stood through thick and thin.

there are people seem to have spoken to at length who don't feature in my friend's list anymore...whom i don't remember...i have links in my scrap book which are obsolete :)

i seem to have had long discussions spanning pages but i cant seem to recall the thought that sparked them.

i have been spoken to in code languages which supposedly had made me laugh and i cannot make the head and tails of it :P

like a trip down memory lane.

i felt so good about myself..like i have found myself with others, from others.

like i have been loved all along...lived all along...like there was a past and today will pass and one day again in future when i am bored i will look at this post of mine and again reminisce my days.

this probably is what old people think when they see pictures...when parents see their children grow up.

and suddenly the homesickness disappears and is replaced with a nostalgic-content-happy me :)

and i am reminded of this gazal...

     ek puraana mausam lauTa, yaad bhari purvayi bhi
aisa to kam hi hotha hai, wo bhi ho tanhaayee bhi

yaadon ki bauchaaroN se jab palke bheegne lagti hai
kitni soundi lagthi hai tab maanjhi ki ruswaee bhi

do do shakleN dikthi haiN is behke se aayine meiN
mere saath chala aaya hai aapka ik saudayee bhi

khamoshi ka haasil bhi ik lambi si kamoshi hai
unki baath suni bhi humne, apni baat sunayi bhi

..smiling...

blahed.

when do you realize that you are desperately home-sick?

1. when you have early-morning dreams of dining out with your family (and the annoying dadi).
2. when the cause of a headache in the morning is over-sleeping.
3. when you are extremely tired after doing nothing but wasting time.
4. when you call your mother the first thing in the morning and talk to her and you have this sickening happy feeling when she smothers you.

yeah, you then know you are desperately home-sick.

random conversations:mariage!!

she: tumhara relationship status married kyun dikha raha hai orkut pe?

me:
hmm...
aren't we all married in some ways to everything around us.
marriage is negotiation and the relationship based on many things, but primarily adjustments.aren't we constantly adjusting. aren't we all married to everything around us
...
funda
:P

she: oh my god!!!!!



[she: the perfect half for a perfect gentle man i have known]

random conversations: 'windy matters'

 [scene: everyone is busy working]


vinobha: oye tu aaj dabba lekar nahin aaya?


shankar boss: nahin re

vinobha: ok . to kahan jaenge aaj?
               Ebony?

shankar boss: hmm...nahin nahin wahan bahut hawa aata hia..ud jaega.

bhavika: laughing

shankar boss: (looks at bhavika)
                      nahin sach me...mera papad ud jata hai.

bhavika: laughing uncontrollably.

shankar boss: ye ladki to hamesha hasti rehti hai...

.....5 minutes.....

shankar boss (sings): "hawa me udta jae...tera laal dupatta..."

random conversation: starters!! :P

[at breakfast]

shankar boss: tum start karo.

bhavika : nahin aap start karo.

shankar boss: tum start karo.

bhavika: aap karo na.

vinobha:  kya tum dono ko soup pilana padega kya?
starters??

shankar boss + bhavika: dialogue!!

boundless us...boundless me...

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -M.K.Gandhi

let's be wild.

let us get high.

half-walk, half-fall on un-named streets.

asking for directions to a place just because the name seems nice.

eating off the streets only because the vendor passed a smile.

buying stuff because the colours are bright.

are you hurt...I'd give you my shoulders to cry..

fuck the bitch and walk till the sorrow drains out.

 let us stare at every face that mocks us.

every glare rightfully, scathingly returned.
let us take the midnight bus because we do not want to go home tonight.

let us announce our arrival...

let us be the refugees who ruled the worlds.

let's be wild.

random conversation: huhh!!

her: saturdays suck.
         work sucks.
         life sucks.

me: :)

her: i m stuck in a sucking hole.

me: :)

her: huhhhh!!!!!

me: life sucks u
        u suck it back..
        get pleasure out of it.
        don't let it rape you.
        have sex with it.

her: :)

do you believe in fairies??

Peter Llewelyn Davies: This is absurd. It's just a dog.
J.M. Barrie: Just a dog? *Just*?
[ to Porthos]
J.M. Barrie: Porthos, don't listen!
[ to Peter]
J.M. Barrie: Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's *just* a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just.

"Do you believe in fairies? Say quick that you believe."

"If you believe, clap your hands!" 

i believe that i would be taken up..and flown away with the winds..

i believe there will be mirth without malice...

and candies without the chagrin...

i believe there will be a sunset where i drop a

tear with a smile on my face...

content never wanting anything ever again...

i believe every decision to be taken is a two-sided coin...

both faces charting different routes to the same destination...

one to be walked..through the woods..the other to swim across the seas..

i believe i'd walk singing along the serpentine roads...making friends with the squirrel..

i believe i'd swim with a dolphin  for company..

i believe there will be you in the end..waiting...i believe you'd wait...
i believe...

:)

saw wake up sid yesternight.
it was beautiful.
i hate the histronics of ranvir kapoor.
konkana sen sharma is too bland for my tastes.

the movie is full of moments.

ones i remember are..

1. the scene where aisha drops a tear..sid for the first tiem saw her cry..she was teh rock for him and he was taken aback..was confused what to do or say.

2. when aisha is pissed that she cannot live up to kabir's expectations..or vice versa..rather blurts it out on sid who makes life perfect for her..she is pissed because it is perfect..because she has nothing to complain about.

3.when aisha walks around the city..alone..free.

4. when sid rushes out with the pan in his hand to show the girls that he fianlly made a perfect 'anda'.

5. the faith chance acquaintance brought on sid that he went to aisha's place directly for a room to stay..and she let him..life and the chance acquaintances are wierd.

6. the flat!!
the office!!
iktara!!!
iktara!!
iktara!!
the boss!!! :P

randon conversation : shit happens 2

bhavika: aap dono same age k nahin hain?

shankar boss: main tujhse 4 saal bada hun

vinobha: oye main '84 december...matlab '85..tu '80 ka hai.

shankar boss: matlab kya? tu fir b '84 ka model hai..december hua to kya..ek ghante k farak me b tu '84 ka model hia..insurance lapse nahin ho jata hai kya?

...silence...

shankar boss: chalo bhai log main chalta hun..

...silence..(he walks out)

bhavika and vinobha: i wont talk to u..

random conversations: shit happens :P

vinobha: oh wo ladki kaun hai
lia: meri friend hai.
vinobha:hmm..
lia: (looks at vinobha)
she is maried..
vinobha: to kya hua?
picture nahin dekhi kya??
darr, anjaam??
..

shankar boss: main b dekhunga..
hmmm...
vinobha:oye teri shadi hogai hai na tu kyun dekhega?
bhavika: picture nahin dekhi kya?
silsila..
kabhi alvida na kehna..
...
(laughter)
...
shankar boss: baazigar!
...
(everybody gets back to work)

random conversations: midnight pillow-talk

[TIME: 1:30 am]

[ scene unfolds: 3 people..dog tired..half asleep...watching BOMBAY(movie) ]

A: bichara bombay kya kya nahin hua is shehar ke sath soch kar bahut kharab lagta hai. bomb-blasts, riots, underworld. kitna sahega.

B: (concerned) haan...

pause..

[last scene of the movie is on..]

A: acha bhaviks tu bata ye aaj kal kaunse shehar me jakar rahega insaan. sala kahin b jao koi na koi problem hai...delhi wahan jab dekho rape hote rehta hai...har second me do rape...

B: oye zyada hogaya...

A:haan matlab 1 minute me ek rape register hota hai..

B:(less concerned) hmm..

A: ab dekh bombay me bahut baarish aaegi to doob jaega...tsunami aaya to wahan strike hua to koi bacha nahin sakta hai...is maamle me delhi safe hai..but ab wo b to eartquake belt me hai.

B: (now listening) haan...

A: aur chennai wo b tsunami aane se doob jaega...wahan baaki cheezon ka torture hai..lungi pehan kar idli dosa khila ke sab lete rahenge...language torture, khana torture, log torture....

B:(looks on)

A:(goes on)...aur ye bangalore...koi climatic problem nahin hai to yahan deposit ka wandha hai...rent ka peoblem hai..kuch b karo sala deposit...

B:hmm

A: when i become the P.M. ill keep names...blast city, rape city,torture city, deposit city...sabse ache chote shehar hain..bhubaneswar..no tension..khao pio aish..

B:(beaming at bhubaneshwar) yupz...

A:but wo shehar kahin b exist nahin karte...

B:(raised eyebrow.)

A: saala kahin b jao koi na koi aapki lene ko tayar hota hai...kahan jakar rahega insaan bolto...


[A is the better half and leo-alter-go of the 'her' the aeries woman]

PaTHos

i don't hate life.
but i am keen on getting lost.
it is difficult for me to contain.
like lashing myself...scars, the physical manifestations of the innate ugliness.
pain is excruciating...
i feel stabbed..cut, bruised; i cannot ease.
but i ain't neither, ever.
like the lead up to an orgasm where the senses are heightened but there isn't the relief of the release.
moment when one is supposed to be supremely blissful, one with the Supreme.
bliss in pain.
paradoxical like life.
pain of what i do not know.
pain why i do not know.
i am over-whelmed, surprisingly without a reason...
intoxicated, high without an ounce of weed.

bruise me.
cut me.
let the pain run down as blood.
so that you can heal me.
caress me.
and save me from drowning into oblivion.

mock me.
put me in the spot.
laugh at the jest; the universe's efficient ensemble.
so that you can look me in the eye.
and sing to me.
recite the verses of misery.

push me.
drown me.
flood me with thy philter.
so that when you look away.
and walk out.
I can allow non-satiation bring out the best in me.

smiles carried forward...

The day started out usual. I was late. Burnt the toasts I was supposed to have. Made less coffee than required so couldn't come around to drink it. so made a sandwich out of the burnt toasts, wrapped them in paper, shoved it in my bag, carelessly tied my hair and rushed out...waited for the lift to come up to my floor, rushed back to the flat to check if I hadn't closed the door from the outside...bhaiya was standing at the door and gave me a sheepish smile, I smiled back stupidly (he always brings out the child in me)...

Waited for the auto on the road...waited.
Waited. Period . Still waiting.
After full 10 mins of waiting under the sun I finally got an auto…

Pulled out the cold sandwich struggled with the tissues and my hair and the sandwich and the bumpy ride :(

I am currently reading the alchemy of desire ...I read the conversation the couple has on 'the herbivores’ i smiled.

The auto then struggled in the traffic and I hit my head...I cursed.

There is this eunuch I meet every day on my way to office. She commented on my black nail polish when I once denied her money. We smile at each other and i give her min change. My nails were bare today. She smiled and said I will buy u a new one. To that the auto wala smiled and we chatted on our way to the office. Our smiles were infectious..there was this guy on the road who saw us smiling and chatting and couldn't help smiling...in the terrible jam near my office the auto-wala smiled and spoke to a man on the opposite car...he smiled and replied (no idea what they spoke abt..Still struggling with kannada)...

I reached office, entered half hopping, smiling...(surprisingly I wasn't late!!!)...smiled at Shankar boss when I said good morning...

he looks at me and says 'bhavika kya baat hai itni khush kyun ho?'

i was at loss.. :)

random conversation 4: 'it's ok'

me: lolz
her: keep smiling
no nd of to be outcasted na ll
enjoy
dont think everythng too emotionally or too practlly
it ll be cmpltly messed up
me: hmm
life is a pain in the ass...and u are scrwed beacuse u think!!
....
funda
her: rte
it dpnds on u how u tk ur lfe
me: rght
her: if i want to laugh no one can stop
n if i wan to cry no one can stp
it dpnds wat i want
me: :)


(her = the first perfect aeries woman I've met)

these lines are everyday and random..but said when i needed an assurance that it is OK..reminds me of another conversation...

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

.....

"And with the morn those angel faces smile.. Which I have loved long since and lost awhile."

And now I think I have lost touch.

And now I think I haven’t seen much.

I looked for you everywhere

Have I lost you? I haven’t got a clue.

Are you still around the corner?

Oh! How that time flew.

The dark blanket covers my sky.

I stand there and gaze at the moon in sight.

The time did fly, and the night passed by,

I couldn’t get enough but couldn’t really go out and fight.

I walked through the lane,

I saw them sitting on our bench.

I wanted to tell them it was mine.

But I couldn’t; it wasn’t ours and neither was the time.

Time is the thief, notoriously oblivious to the apprehensions it carries,

I laughed and cried, and lived amongst the fairies.

But where is that place where the nun buried;

Buried, her passions, that love and those sweet cherries?

And now I think I have lost touch.

And now I think I haven’t seen much.

(quote by Newman.)

dn't forget to flush.

"Intelligence is a natural phenomenon -- just as breathing is, just as seeing is. Intelligence is the inner seeing; it is intuitive. It has nothing to do with intellect. Never confuse intellect with intelligence,"
-OSHO.

In the first reading the above line made a lot of sense like some rigorously inspiring thought.
The second reading i was a bit confused.
And by the third reading i was convinced this was nothing but crap...the skill of putting together words skillfully to makes them sound intelligent.
OK i am doing the same thing. have been doing it for a while and will continue doing it. for sure.
But why do we do it?
Life is so utterly uninspiring and boring and mundane that to add up a little spice to all the utterly non-sensible things we do...or the complete absence of any thrill in our lives we use words to beautify the most insignificant things.

Like for what is my passion i answered..."passionately pursuit of passions that I haven’t realized...passion passionately eludes me".

That was crap.

pursuit of passions that I haven’t realized???? gimme a break.

Or is it that we have become this increasingly f@#$ed up- dumb assed-couch potatoes that we don't want to actually go out and do anything. big or small. But rather sit and talk, blog or retrospect about the different ways we get screwed up every day. There was this age of drawing room politics at least it had a human touch back then. this age is the age of blog-politics. it no longer is a dialogue now has manifested into a monologue...where to from here?

A numerologist suggests Athena in the 'witch of Portobello' (-Paulo Coelho) that she take up studies like computing and engineering because that job profile doesn't involve human interactions. and engineers and computer professionals have maxed out today..is that the reason?

The song that perfectly describes and defines 'today', 'the days of our lives' (: p) is : 'ticky tacky little boxes'

All said and done more than being a way to direct our creative energies talking and discussing today has become shitting, puking, pissing thoughts. However filthy that might be. It is just human, biological and very necessary. and i continue doin it.

as a friend points out. "mujhe pata hai k kya panga hai...but panga hai"

dn't forget to flush.

random conversation 3:

me: 'main kitaab likhungi. two books. ek meri mummy pe aur ek vinobha par'

...silence..

shankar boss looks at me (away frm the monitor for a change)


shankar boss: print office se logi kya?

...laughter...

...silence....

me: ye kisi k upar kihna kyun bolte hain?? socho vinobha ke upar likhna hoga to space hi nahin hai!!

vinobha: (finally speaks) kya zarurat hai...pamplets bana kar baant do.

...laughter...

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-vagabond/

random conversations 2:

shankar boss: 'jo darr gaya wo marr gaya'

vinobha : 'jo marr gaya wo bach gaya'

...silence...

bhavika : 'ye thoda ajeeb ho gaya'

random conversation:

"why did you do it? u could have said no..i hate it when you have to do things like that..you just have to say no."

"no odr option! i could have opted out. but thought its a matter of few days. why built the guilt? she left pata nahin ab wapas kab aaegi"

"how come i never think like that?"

"hehe.."

ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

why do we tingle the touch-me-not?
stare at the sun..till we see violet blotches everywhere?
why do we wear brilliant whites..and then go to the dirtiest places and sulk when they are dirty?


why do we smile when we see a school going kid bend down and struggle with his laces?
and his water-bottle and his bag?
why does the sweet dairy milk sweeten the day when you have it for breakfast?


why do we sing a song and hop a step when the breeze is nice?
why does food remind you of mom?
and a hug and a pat of your brother?


the sky is brilliantly blue when your eyes are clear...
the smiles are infectious...(more than the swine flu)...
and the laughter harder...

life is always beautiful just get up on the right side of the bed :P

“कभी ख़ुद पे, कभी हालत पर रोना आया...”

कहीं किसी क आंसूं बहते रहे...

उन्हें न सम्भाल पाए,

अपनी नाकामयाबी पर रोना आया..

कहीं और चल दी हम...

छोड़ आए कुछ बीच राह में,

अपनी खुदगर्जी पर रोना आया..

सारा जहाँ से प्यार बटोरते रहे...

ना बांटा न बटने दिया...

अपनी मतलबी चाहतों पर रोना आया...

इश्क किया शायद हमेशा ख़ुद से ज़्यादा...

किसी और की मोहब्बत को समझ न पाने की,

अपनी इस न-समझी पर रोना आया...

न दिखी तेरी लाचारी, न दिखी तेरी तकलीफ...

न दिखी मुझे तुझमे मेरी पर्ची,

अँधेरी नगरी में बस्ती अपनी हस्ती पर रोना आया...

“कभी ख़ुद पे, कभी हालत पर रोना आया...”

the altruist narcissist

I am the fear of the stranger in a new country.
I am the essence of the dictator’s might.
I am the mist of the morning.
I am the silence of the night.
I am the demon inside you.
I am the righteousness of the soul.
I am the pure white space surrounding angels.
I am the putrid black inside of me.
I am the sparkle of the cut-diamond
I am the darkness of the deepest fissure.
I am the sullen child’s last try.
I am the hope in the bride’s eyes.
I am the warmth of the lover’s embrace.
I am the chill of the assassin’s last blow.
I am the bitter-sweet sarcasm of love.
I am the virgin’s first kiss.
I am the elusive enigma.
I am the mystery solved.
I am omnipotent, I am omnipresent.
I am lost, I am no-where.

In life I am.
Death I revel.

न सुबह हुई...
न कल की रात ढली.
आज भी कल में रहते हैं,
जीने की कोशिश में जैसे, साँसें गिनते रहते हैं.

कभी उखडी साँसें,
कभी मंद सी हो गईं.
आज मौसम बी कुछ मंद सा है,
जैसे दबी दबी सी साँसें मेरी...

तूफ़ान की तबाही और उसके बाद सन्नाटा,
ये चीखती खामोशी कैसी...

........blah, blah and then some more blah................. Yeah and ‘I, ME and (a lot of) MY-SELF”

1...2....3....4.....5..... [elves ringing tune]......”dhan tana tana nana....kya aap nayi...” blah blah...beep...beep...aarrgghhh!!!

Ok how embarrassing it is to keep waiting for the phone to ring and it does not.
Not waiting for any particular phone calls just any other phone call, but no, the phone does not ring.
It just stays. Ok now you scan the contact list for someone to call...hmm...1.what to talk about...2.naah out of balance...std call...3...blah...blah...aaarrgghhh!!!!
What happens when you want to talk to somebody, just about anybody and you can’t? You have people around you but you instead have your earplugs on even if there is no music playing.

This is the blank, blunt, sometimes numbing phase succeeding that phase of your life when you have lived with the phone.
Slept talking on the phone and woke up not to the sound of the alarm bell but your phone vibrating because of an impending call.
I hated it so much so that my phone was on silent/off/offline mode all the time. And today I want that to happen sometimes at least. Yeah I do want that to happen. I check my phone the last dialed call was about timed to a time 20 hours ago. Sad life.

Sleepless nights spent thinking of a single moment...”ek lat suljhane me saari raat guzari hai”...yup that feeling...today the whole night is spent thinking of something to think about...some food for thought is it?? My thoughts are starving then...

I had a yearlong writer’s block [not that I am a writer or something]. I am writing again but then I lack inspiration, I am more indiscriminate, more random, it is good in a way, but I am becoming sillier, that is food for my humour maybe.
See, my writing lacks structure.
Yesterday I was five colours in a single day, unbelievable but true, I was pink in the morning, (both literally and physically), then I was yellow as soon as I reached office, laughed so hard that my back hurt (yeah it goes the other way round here), then I was black, mood to kill, like serious kill, then I turned neutral, beige (??), then I was white with little hints of blue, the shade got deeper after some time, and then till i slept i was pissed off enough to turn grey.....
....yeah the phone stays. It just bloody stays.
........................

Okay why did i write this?
Why did i write the line above this line or this line??
Is it actually my inability to talk, maybe the writer’s(????) block was because of my never ending phone calls and my keeping shut for my own good. And the block has been taken off and the writing is flooded because i am just basically talking and like some wise ol’ lady said “talking isn’t necessarily conversing’.
So this is basically me conversing with myself.

........................

...hmmm..."tanhai ne fursat di hai"

realizations.

1.The best way to get rid of a person, all of his/ her manifestations in your life is to get into a commitment/relationship with the person in question. Most of the times that turns the love part of it into work. As more than 90% of time it is just plain attraction.

2.The most adjustments are expected from the youngest in the group/ the least foul-mouthed in the group. And the wise don’t adjust they just find another (generally better) route to flow.

3.“loha lohe ko kaat ta hai”;
This line was brought into practical use and it passed the test (yup it works)
I managed to piss off Kalki baba by actually getting into minuter details. i pushed myself further to perfection. And he was aghast. :P

life.

Speak of life in a miniature scale.
Speak of life as an amalgamation of the various moments when one has been touched…speak of touch.
Life, they say, is not the measure of the number of breaths we take.
It is, rather, the moments which take our breaths away. Moments when we encounter those stray smiles, stolen kisses, chance contacts and coincidental meetings. The smile one gets from the furthest corner of the room, accompanied with a wink, when you are on the other extreme;
When you are the one without the smile; in a split second the widest grin is yours.
The drama is unseen by the ‘others’.

The chance bouts of alone-ness in a room packed with people, with an awareness of self and the surety with which magnanimous life decisions are taken.
The holy speech about life, unearthing profound truths delivered. All this unheard by everyone; but the applause… The applause is loud and clear.
The eyes of that stranger hold you and say a thousand words. The words unheard but the feeling stays on...like the wind unseen but the warmth felt.
Life is paradoxical most of the times.
The most noise is made by a guilty mind, in utter silence;
Its retreat and reclusion though, is in the maddening crowd.

Life is all about the unheard voices. It is all about the whispers and shrieks.
...................................................................

this was a very old post of mine. today when i was going through my own blog it made so much sense to me.like i had written it yesterday. couldn't help posting it again as a new one.for today.

a status tag on gtalk says.

"life is tough for people who dream."


i say isn't it so much easier because one dreams.
ask people who don't.
who can't..