desire

the longing does not satiate

the inability to hold you kills me deep inside.

i haven't tasted your lips but i can feel them on my mouth. 

i haven't tasted your tongue but i can see it slithering inside me. 

to have your arms around me i would kill.

is it lust?
i disagree.

is it not?
  i cannot deny. 

your eyes lingered on my skin...

long enough to make me wet inside.

i bloated and floated at the same time. 

i shrunk and flew at the same time.

i haven't seen you in days it only adds to the delight. 

the sweet pang of being the kill that you left...left in the lurch to die.
agonized with misery, yet i look at myself with envy and pride.

you chose me to fall in the trap...hand-picked before you could have me tried. 

tourtured and tormented with tantalising thoughts of us close.

your eyes hyptonising me, ravaging me, feeling me.

all over me.


you all over me. 

her: "why should i stay in-satiated?

why ain't i allowed the philter?"

him: "what good is satiation?

what good are desires when fulfilled?"

................................

“A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times”

random conversations: what next?

falling in love is ok.

living the romance awesome. 

it is great to want you.

but what happens after i have you?

and to this juggernaut  says:

"falling in love can be compared to climbing the everest.

 all throughout your journey you keep chanting: 

i have to climb it.

i will climb it.

i am climbing it. 

but then when you reach the top, you have no idea what to do next."

sala ab kya?? 

-------/--\--------

ek shakl hai jo aankhon se hat ti nahin.

ek ehsaas jo adhoora hokar bhi pura hai.

ek khamosh main hun. 

ek khamosh se tum.

khamosh tum me, main apna geet dhundhti.

khamosh khud me, tumhara aks. 

-------/--\--------

frozen

me in your rear-view mirror

me in the reflection of your guitar

you in me. 

-------/--\--------

awesomeness

be here now just like the wind.





something like love. 

alon-ness.

there is this monotonous song on your background, through the day; irrespective of the fact that you are asleep or awake, studying or whiling away time. 

and it does not really matter.

there is this sinking feeling, that is in contrast with the random smiles. 

there is an absence that is felt without even countering the presence. 

you miss somethign that you do not even know.

but it does not matter.

where hours go by, without having spoken a word, when days go by without having tidied the sheets.

but it does not matter.

where it does not make a dime's difference when you are undressed/under-dressed/overdressed.

and it does not matter 

when you are alive and dead at the same time,

yet again does not make a difference.

when you don't know how the day ends, but each second passed is etched painfully in your mind like on stone.

when you are so lonely that you can witness silence even in loud cheer. 

when even you don't even speak to yourself. 

-------/--\--------

sham tanha si lage

roothe naina, mohe na chaina...
kya haalat hai meri main kaise kahun.
tere aane se, tere jaane se...
main adhura reh gaya.

-sham tanha, agnee

-------/--\--------

"tere bare me jab socha nahin tha

main tanha tha magar itna nahin tha"

ye chand sirf chand tha bas!
tumhare chehre ko raushan karti chandni nahin. 


raaten meri thi, meri neend sirf meri ;
tere raasto ko takti, sapno me jalti, andheri raat nahin. 


main thi, sirf main;
tumhari chahat me tarasti adhi-jali, aadhi-bujhi, koi adhuri aas nahin. 

main thi, sirf main.

-------/--\--------

Raindrops on My Windowpane

Don’t you feel jealous when they touch me like that?

When they feel my skin and wet it like that?

Doesn’t it hurt you to know that I revel in their sound and that your voice, in the song of the raindrops, dies out?

Do they mock you when I am theirs?

They do that to me…

I hate then when they feel your lips

I hate them charting their ways into your being

They kill me when they drown my sound;

They burn me when they touch you when I am not around.

Raindrops on my window panes live like me

One drop at a time, one moment it is

One moment they are born they fall and then die

They are no tear drops, no.

No children of desire they are; No wanting or need.

They are the result of a game played; of a connived history.

photo courtsey : ad-infinitum

 -------/--\--------

HEARTBEATS-RAINDROPS-BREATHS

And the night shall be filled with music
 And the cares that infest the day 
Shall fold their tents like the Arabs
 And as silently steal away.


 ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, The Day Is Done


I am blessed.

Not because i have the world's bestest parents. Not because i have a core group of people;

to look up to; look towards for help,advice.

Not because 'I am'.

But in spite all this.

Because i can feel, i can hear and  see and smell.Because my senses are intact. Because on a quite Sunday afternoon i can listen to a song that can make me smile and cry at the same time.

"if i lay here,

 if i just lay here,

 would you lie with me and just forget the world"

"lets waste time chasing cars,

  around our heads"

"i need your grace.

   to re-mind me,

   to find my own"

-chasing cars, snow patrol.

How when you listen to a song today and two days later it speaks to you in different languages. Like the same words adorned with melody will sing you the blissful pangs of separation today and then the peaceful serenity of contentment the second time.

I feel blessed when i realize how i manage to fall in love with songs all the time.
How i can have as much of them as i want,how i can read into them as much as i want.
How i can keep listening to them as many times as i want.
How a song can keep singing itself to me, stay with me as long as i want, how a song  is never jealous and manages to remain just as sweet when it reminds me of bitter memories, as it was when it reminded me  of my moments of bliss.
How i can never have enough of them.
How some songs keep me hooked even after continual-prolonged listening.
How some songs I hate keep ringing in my brains sometimes.

I'm blessed to have my senses intact  :)

there is a blog that i dedicate to the only constant thing in life. 

music. 

it's all music.

-------/--\--------

is raat ke safar me sehar ki koi aas nahin;

ek tere labon ki pyas hai bas aur koi pyas nahin. 

dariyaon se lad rahe they ham majhdhar me tumse mulakat hui;

ek ajeeb si lagan lagi hai ab, haan ab sahil ki koi aas nahin.

-------/--\--------

magic.

her: i am in that stage in my life where i do not mind anything. i am open to everything. it is ok if it is done. am fine if it is not.

him:mujhe aise log nahin pasand hain. matlab mere bagair b guzar sakti hai. meri koi kadar nahin.

her:[silently looks at him]

[after a day]

her: maine teri ek baat ka jawab nahin dia....

him: interesting that you remember...

her: they say that you have to put in magic and  magic is created...

-------/--\--------

random conversations

him:i come here everyday, every after noon during the lunch hour. thinking about you.

  her:

  what is the use

  i am not here

  him:

  it is not for your use, it is for me.

-------/--\--------

---- कई बार यूँ ही देखा है, ये जो मन की सीमा रेखा है मन तोड़ने लगता है, अनजानी आस के पीछे अनजानी प्यास के पीछे मन दौड़ने लगता है ---

कौड़ियों के दाम बिकते हैं अब, कौड़ियों में हैं खरीदे जाते ,
धोका है? हाँ ! जनाब मंज़ूर है ये बी अब हमें;
मजबूरियां नजदीकियों की हैं , धोके  ही सही;
धोके में हैं जीए जाते...

-------/--\--------

what is it to be a man?

what is it to be the provider?
what is to then lose and have hope filled eyes pinned on you?

what is it to be the strong shoulder?
what is then to cry on the bathroom floor?

what is it to be a man who leads the woman?
what is it to be the child and yearn to sleep on her lap?

what is it to be a father?
what is it to hold that thankless position when the accolades are taken away by the 'doting mom'?

what is it to start the family?
what is it to stand at the background and watch it grow?

what is it to bleed for a woman?
what is it to then be able to let go off her, be the one to be blamed?

what is it to be the victim, yet play the villian?
what exactly is it to be a man?

-------/--\--------

A lie whispered in darkness.

A truth denied.

The whisper is declared : darkness lead to light, lies gave way to truth.

yes, Off- love I am now; but still stood here deprived.   

here to there.

a story
a beginning an end.
life
cradle to death.
movie
the casting - 'the end'.
book
preface to the blank page.
feeling
thought - goosebumps



-------/--\--------

thank you

there is a song i sing that you decipher.

my language that you understand.

there is a need that you can satiate.

there is a wrath that you calm. 

there is a hollow that you fill. 

a storm that you let ravage.

the touch that you decode. 

there is me, that you allow to wander. 

there is a me, that you find when lost.

image from: HELLO

realizations: (oh! too many now to count)

1.moms, mummy, ama, ma....all these manifestations of human beings are extremely difficult to live    with.i have mine who did not want me to sleep this afternoon.i had a balst of pavitra rishta blaring in my ears along with the glaring afternoon sun in my eyes. =|

2. i know all the crucial 'BING-BING''S and 'BONG-BONG"'S of the very crucial crazy frog track. =)

3.no matter what kind of relationship you share with your grnadma she still gives the best medical advices mine gave me one on acupressure. =D

-------/--\--------

all has been said and done

 here i beg. borrow. steal.




Céline: I, I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of womanhood, and without making... making it look my... my whole life is revolving around some guy. But Loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?

Céline: And he's so cute! He has beautiful blue eyes, (he closes his eyes) nice big lips, (back-pouts his mouth), greasy hair, (she laughs) I love it. He's kind of tall, and a little clumsy. (softly) I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away. (smiling) // He kind of kisses like an adolescent, its so cute. //


Céline: So often in my life I've been with people, and shared beautiful moments like traveling, or staying up all night and watching the sunrise, and I knew those were special moments. But something was always wrong. I wished I'd been with someone else. (They both laugh)
I knew that what I was feeling, exactly what was so important to me, they didn't understand. But I'm happy to be with you. You couldn't possibly know why a night like this is so important to my life right now, but it is. This is a great morning.


//////

the complete script>> here