status quo:

i have nothing to say. 

you know  you are lonely: when you have to a write blog post as if trying to initiate a pseudo conversation with yourself.

you know there is no-tuning back: when all you want to say is said by a song and you don't even want to elucidate.

loneliness is when there is no monologue. not even with yourself. 

one of those times:

Sometimes at night I stare at the ceiling

And wonder what's wrong with me

To involve myself with people

Who don't know what my true feeling might possibly be


 Who latch onto my strength like it's all they've got

It takes all of my strengths

And I go through such lengths

To show them it is not what they think they are stealing

And it's not that I hate you

I never loved you enough to hate you

To get even or mad so as not to seem sad

Just seems ungrateful

'Cause really, I am thankful I'm sad

And the only way into the sun is walking

But you'd rather run

you's rather run away.

~pure genius ~

forgive me it is only one of those times when you are falling in love with something,someone new...thinking they just read your mind...yeah i go through such phases all the time and it is normal!

i am falling in love with JAYMAY's songs!!

-------/--\--------

sometimes ALL you can do is, borrow words.

I feel so helpless now, my guitar is not around
and i'm struggling with the xylophone to make these feelins sound
and i'm remembering you singing and bringing you to life
It's raining out the window and today it looks like night

You haven't written to me in a week im wondering why that is
are you too nervous to be lovers-- friendships ruined with just one kiss kiss
I watched you very closely and i saw you look away
your eyes are either gray or blue i'm never close enough to say

But your sweatshirt says it all with the hood over your face
I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes
I'm with another boy (he's asleep, i'm wide awake )
and he tried to win my heart, but it's taken . . . . . time

I know the shape of your hands because i watch it when you talk
and i know the shape of your body cause i watch it when you walk
and i want to know it all but i'm giving you the lead . . . . .. . .. .
So go on, go on and take it, don't fake it, shake it

(charmin//crazy eyes have you are they gray or blue/i wont make the move/you must make the move/if you make the move/i will then approve/if you do not move/we will surely lose)

Don't second guess your feelings you were right form the start
and i notice she's your lover, but she's nowhere near your heart
This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars
But i think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours

And i'm winning you with words because i have no other way
I want to look into your face without your eyes turning away
Last night i watched you sing because a person has to try
And i walked home in the rain because a person can not lie

link to the song

i beg, borrow,steal BUT STILL just stay.

-------/--\--------

click for a great read!!

forgotten.

वक़्त क सितम कम हसीन नहीं...आज हैं यहाँ कल कहीं नहीं;

वक़्त क परे अगर तुम मिलो कहीं...

मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान है...गर याद रहे...

i am jealous of people who can sing,dance,paint.

i can't.

sometimes there is this feeling of incompetence that any body can forget me with ease.

just like that.

i have nothing to offer, am not shrewd enough to take.

there is nothing new that i bring to the table.

there was a time when i was happy that i was the spectator, i was content;

i am not now.

the fact that someone can forget me just like that is too hard to digest.

too much to take for the inflated ego.

too much for the self-confidence.

too much for the pride.

the exact reasons maybe, which never let me act.

i wish i had something to offer...

realizations . =)

1. i am capable of love =)
 i thought i could never do it..but i can't help myself doting over the nearing-2 years old-cutie  who lives on the ground floor and yeah the 2 month old Labrador ... both love me just as much...both of them stand at the door waiting for a pat when ever i leave home =)


i am changing!

2. feelings, emotions are infectious...
i am  happy today, for a friend who finally did what he was meaning to since eternity. =)

3. when you are happy even "muqabla muqabla" makes sense =P
yeah really!!

4. yeah as i was writing this...another conversation with another friend made me realize how bad a student i was =(

no no...i am still happy =P

life

love.
men.
people.
you.
me.

why do words look so lonely?
why does the loneliness not wear itself out?

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
It's nothing to you
And if you hate me, hate me, hate me
Then hate me so good that you can let me out
Let me out of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out,
Let me out of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out 

                                                              ..........................

I HATE A HOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE.

I HATE  PEOPLE TALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG I AM LISTENING TO.

I HATE BEING PINGED WHEN I AM IN NO MOOD TO TALK.

I HATE TO BE THIS.

I HATE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO BE NICE TO ME.

I HATE WHEN MY MOTHER SMOTHERS ME.

I HATE PEOPLE READING MY BLOG-POST BEFORE I HAVE POSTED IT.

I HATE BEING NEGATIVE ABOUT EVRYTHING.

I HATE HAVING TO PLEASE PEOPLE.

I HATE BEING RUDE WHEN I JUST CAN'T HELP IT.

I HATE BEING

ALL THIS SURGES ME INTO REALITY.

I HATE THE REAL.

I JUST HATE IT.

-------/--\--------

stay there! STAY.

 waqt ki kaid me zindagi hai magar,

chand ghadiya yahin hain jo azaad hain.

inko kho kar meri janejaan umr bhar na taraste raho;

aaj jaane ki zid na karo...

i think of you again.
i am out with you again.
i am back there again.
i am back to being me again.

i feel again.
i fail again.
i leave again.
i am back to being me again

haae mar jaenge,

ham to lut jaenge;

aisi baaten kia na kao.

aaj jaane ki zid na karo..

-------/--\--------

ab jab mujhko hosh nahin hai..
aae hain samjhane log;
hain kitne deewane log...

couldn't help it.

simply love the new coke ad!!

the script the actors, the background track.

a befitting hindi version of the strange love ad (which again was awesome) 

of brothers!

i was looking for something that i did not find.

i made arrangements to go without it.

i found it 3 days before d-date. 

it was too late to incorporate into the work schedule but too important to leave.

i was in a fix.

scared, shit shit scared.

there are these nervous pangs which are almost unknown to me. i have given umpteen exams, umpteen vivas, i just never have nervous breakdowns, nervous pangs and that sinking feeling is something that is foreign to me. melancholy is my vice, but a cool head and confidence is my virtue.

i was shit scared.

but then 

i had a brother who looked at me and said don't worry we will work it out.

 i realized i have this particularly peculiar confidence in him that lifted that cloud.
he is younger than me but then he was like a big brother who is here only to get rid of my problems for me =)

it still was a troubled night but i knew i had someone to walk with me.

i was scared no-more.

cheers!!

p.s.:  i will still fight with him and crib about him.. =)

-------/--\--------

three

poems!! 

(ohk weirdo don't make a face)

write one, read one, dedicate one!!! 

i post my fav by Krish:

Aaj phir unke gali ki oar jaane ka man kiya,

Unke chaukhat pe nange paav khade hone ka man kiya,
Bhale hi kyun na aana pade khali haath waapis,
Aaj jholi bichaker Unse mohabbat maangne ka man kiya.
....

follow link for more.

 a classic:

She lived unknown, and few could know
When Lucy ceased to be;
But she is in her grave, and, oh,
The difference to me! 

-william wordsworth.

(read the whole poem)

and gulzar...

Tumhari Lau Ko Pakadke Jalney Ki Aarzoo Mein,
Jab Apne Hi Aap Se Lipat Ke Sulag Raha Tha.
Bata To Us Waqt Main Kahaan Tha,
Bata To Us Waqt Too Kahaan Thi.

(read more)

and i gift myself a book


-------/--\--------

two

movies. 

i plan to watch movies on the V-DAY. my top rating romances are sunrise/sunset movies. they just blow u away.

btw for people with people to go out with, movies are a great idea.

top V-DAY movies:

before sunrise 

before sunset

-------/--\--------

one.

 it is that time of the year.
the MUSH time of the year.
and as i am not counting on any knights or princes or anybody for that matter to show on my door , i have, thus, planned to post sweet nothings on my blog.
not that i am the typically-pink-lovey-mushy kinds but then this time of the year makes me behave like one =|

the first: the greatest compliment you can give a girl. dedicate a song.
the ones topping my list this year are:

more updates when i can think of any...

happy mush everyone.

------/--\--------

bored 1 and bored 2 get doin it again!!!

X :अभी न जाओ छोड़ कर....
के दिल अभी भरा नहीं!!

Y : समय तोह लगेगा अभी....
के अभी तो बकरा कटा नहीं!

X : नजाने कब कटेगा फिर;
बिरयानी कब पकेगी मेरी!!

Y : पकेगी बिरयानी, डलेगा उसमे ग़ोश्त भी
सब्र करो थोडा, भरेगा पेट properly!

X : बकरे को बुलाइए
के चुप न जाए हमसे कहीं ...

Y : मसलों का arrangement,
कर तो लीजिये अभी...
चावल पका के रखिये,
बुलाते हैं उसे यहीं!

Chorus : अभी न जाओ छोड़ कर.
के दिल अभी भरा नहीं... x2


............


disclaimer:
any references to a particular person is entirely intentional and not at all a co-incidence.


p.s. if u know it is you...do not sulk.
p.p.s: if u think it is you...feel free to ask on GMAIL.

p.p.p.s: what ever the case is...it is not entirely you =P

legend:

x= bored 2

y= bored 1

bakra= what you think we will tell you??, wait for a poem on you...

give me a reason.

give me a name for the season, the name for this part of the year.
name the wind that blows in the evenings these days...
give me a name for the guilt, the remorse.
give me a reason, give me a name.
give me a reason to leave, give me a reason to stay.

-------/--\--------

wishlist.

peck on my cheek,
a long conversation in silence.
a long phone call.
a whole day of loud music, singing at the top of my voice...
a peck on my cheek
a guilt free/remorse free day.
silence.
peace.
a hug.


background song on repeat

(source)

update: 

a friend

little care and warmth

no wrath

no.
nothing is happening. i just wanted a post for 1st FEB.
no nothing special.

EUREKA!!!

why do Indian families PREFER arranged marriages?

because they have a royal family background!!

all girls are princesses and boys princes.

 ok ok ... let me be a little more explicit.

look at any royal family, the bride is more than often chosen by the family, if not there is a huge uproar...and the whole family working also follows the footsteps of any royal family.

WELL i was watching this movie *fire and ice* it involves a royal family, a rebellious princess and a lot of fantasy, dragons and a good looking knight etc etc.

 the princess was constantly bossed around by her mother, like any ANY Indian mother. 

 "you are a princess, they are not supposed to behave like this,"

" you are a princess you are not supposed to eat like this"

baaki figure out yourself.

this idea suddenly struck me yesterday, it feels ok now.

why marriage?

a friend of mine got her marriage date finalized.
AND with 'M' question to be put on table by parents anytime now and not a knight at sight...THIS gives me relief =P

yeah ok am bored, there is nothing better to do, but this nonsense seems to make a lot of sense to me.

but well i wish they just banned marriage.

 WAIT TO READ A LOT MORE ABOUT THIS. 

-------/--\--------