one of those times:

Sometimes at night I stare at the ceiling

And wonder what's wrong with me

To involve myself with people

Who don't know what my true feeling might possibly be


 Who latch onto my strength like it's all they've got

It takes all of my strengths

And I go through such lengths

To show them it is not what they think they are stealing

And it's not that I hate you

I never loved you enough to hate you

To get even or mad so as not to seem sad

Just seems ungrateful

'Cause really, I am thankful I'm sad

And the only way into the sun is walking

But you'd rather run

you's rather run away.

~pure genius ~

forgive me it is only one of those times when you are falling in love with something,someone new...thinking they just read your mind...yeah i go through such phases all the time and it is normal!

i am falling in love with JAYMAY's songs!!

-------/--\--------

sometimes ALL you can do is, borrow words.

I feel so helpless now, my guitar is not around
and i'm struggling with the xylophone to make these feelins sound
and i'm remembering you singing and bringing you to life
It's raining out the window and today it looks like night

You haven't written to me in a week im wondering why that is
are you too nervous to be lovers-- friendships ruined with just one kiss kiss
I watched you very closely and i saw you look away
your eyes are either gray or blue i'm never close enough to say

But your sweatshirt says it all with the hood over your face
I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes
I'm with another boy (he's asleep, i'm wide awake )
and he tried to win my heart, but it's taken . . . . . time

I know the shape of your hands because i watch it when you talk
and i know the shape of your body cause i watch it when you walk
and i want to know it all but i'm giving you the lead . . . . .. . .. .
So go on, go on and take it, don't fake it, shake it

(charmin//crazy eyes have you are they gray or blue/i wont make the move/you must make the move/if you make the move/i will then approve/if you do not move/we will surely lose)

Don't second guess your feelings you were right form the start
and i notice she's your lover, but she's nowhere near your heart
This city is for strangers, like the sky is for the stars
But i think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours

And i'm winning you with words because i have no other way
I want to look into your face without your eyes turning away
Last night i watched you sing because a person has to try
And i walked home in the rain because a person can not lie

link to the song

i beg, borrow,steal BUT STILL just stay.

-------/--\--------

click for a great read!!

forgotten.

वक़्त क सितम कम हसीन नहीं...आज हैं यहाँ कल कहीं नहीं;

वक़्त क परे अगर तुम मिलो कहीं...

मेरी आवाज़ ही पहचान है...गर याद रहे...

i am jealous of people who can sing,dance,paint.

i can't.

sometimes there is this feeling of incompetence that any body can forget me with ease.

just like that.

i have nothing to offer, am not shrewd enough to take.

there is nothing new that i bring to the table.

there was a time when i was happy that i was the spectator, i was content;

i am not now.

the fact that someone can forget me just like that is too hard to digest.

too much to take for the inflated ego.

too much for the self-confidence.

too much for the pride.

the exact reasons maybe, which never let me act.

i wish i had something to offer...

realizations . =)

1. i am capable of love =)
 i thought i could never do it..but i can't help myself doting over the nearing-2 years old-cutie  who lives on the ground floor and yeah the 2 month old Labrador ... both love me just as much...both of them stand at the door waiting for a pat when ever i leave home =)


i am changing!

2. feelings, emotions are infectious...
i am  happy today, for a friend who finally did what he was meaning to since eternity. =)

3. when you are happy even "muqabla muqabla" makes sense =P
yeah really!!

4. yeah as i was writing this...another conversation with another friend made me realize how bad a student i was =(

no no...i am still happy =P

life

love.
men.
people.
you.
me.

why do words look so lonely?
why does the loneliness not wear itself out?

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
It's nothing to you
And if you hate me, hate me, hate me
Then hate me so good that you can let me out
Let me out of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out,
Let me out of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out 

                                                              ..........................

I HATE A HOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE.

I HATE  PEOPLE TALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF A SONG I AM LISTENING TO.

I HATE BEING PINGED WHEN I AM IN NO MOOD TO TALK.

I HATE TO BE THIS.

I HATE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO BE NICE TO ME.

I HATE WHEN MY MOTHER SMOTHERS ME.

I HATE PEOPLE READING MY BLOG-POST BEFORE I HAVE POSTED IT.

I HATE BEING NEGATIVE ABOUT EVRYTHING.

I HATE HAVING TO PLEASE PEOPLE.

I HATE BEING RUDE WHEN I JUST CAN'T HELP IT.

I HATE BEING

ALL THIS SURGES ME INTO REALITY.

I HATE THE REAL.

I JUST HATE IT.

-------/--\--------

stay there! STAY.

 waqt ki kaid me zindagi hai magar,

chand ghadiya yahin hain jo azaad hain.

inko kho kar meri janejaan umr bhar na taraste raho;

aaj jaane ki zid na karo...

i think of you again.
i am out with you again.
i am back there again.
i am back to being me again.

i feel again.
i fail again.
i leave again.
i am back to being me again

haae mar jaenge,

ham to lut jaenge;

aisi baaten kia na kao.

aaj jaane ki zid na karo..

-------/--\--------

ab jab mujhko hosh nahin hai..
aae hain samjhane log;
hain kitne deewane log...

couldn't help it.

simply love the new coke ad!!

the script the actors, the background track.

a befitting hindi version of the strange love ad (which again was awesome) 

of brothers!

i was looking for something that i did not find.

i made arrangements to go without it.

i found it 3 days before d-date. 

it was too late to incorporate into the work schedule but too important to leave.

i was in a fix.

scared, shit shit scared.

there are these nervous pangs which are almost unknown to me. i have given umpteen exams, umpteen vivas, i just never have nervous breakdowns, nervous pangs and that sinking feeling is something that is foreign to me. melancholy is my vice, but a cool head and confidence is my virtue.

i was shit scared.

but then 

i had a brother who looked at me and said don't worry we will work it out.

 i realized i have this particularly peculiar confidence in him that lifted that cloud.
he is younger than me but then he was like a big brother who is here only to get rid of my problems for me =)

it still was a troubled night but i knew i had someone to walk with me.

i was scared no-more.

cheers!!

p.s.:  i will still fight with him and crib about him.. =)

-------/--\--------

three

poems!! 

(ohk weirdo don't make a face)

write one, read one, dedicate one!!! 

i post my fav by Krish:

Aaj phir unke gali ki oar jaane ka man kiya,

Unke chaukhat pe nange paav khade hone ka man kiya,
Bhale hi kyun na aana pade khali haath waapis,
Aaj jholi bichaker Unse mohabbat maangne ka man kiya.
....

follow link for more.

 a classic:

She lived unknown, and few could know
When Lucy ceased to be;
But she is in her grave, and, oh,
The difference to me! 

-william wordsworth.

(read the whole poem)

and gulzar...

Tumhari Lau Ko Pakadke Jalney Ki Aarzoo Mein,
Jab Apne Hi Aap Se Lipat Ke Sulag Raha Tha.
Bata To Us Waqt Main Kahaan Tha,
Bata To Us Waqt Too Kahaan Thi.

(read more)

and i gift myself a book


-------/--\--------

two

movies. 

i plan to watch movies on the V-DAY. my top rating romances are sunrise/sunset movies. they just blow u away.

btw for people with people to go out with, movies are a great idea.

top V-DAY movies:

before sunrise 

before sunset

-------/--\--------

one.

 it is that time of the year.
the MUSH time of the year.
and as i am not counting on any knights or princes or anybody for that matter to show on my door , i have, thus, planned to post sweet nothings on my blog.
not that i am the typically-pink-lovey-mushy kinds but then this time of the year makes me behave like one =|

the first: the greatest compliment you can give a girl. dedicate a song.
the ones topping my list this year are:

more updates when i can think of any...

happy mush everyone.

------/--\--------

bored 1 and bored 2 get doin it again!!!

X :अभी न जाओ छोड़ कर....
के दिल अभी भरा नहीं!!

Y : समय तोह लगेगा अभी....
के अभी तो बकरा कटा नहीं!

X : नजाने कब कटेगा फिर;
बिरयानी कब पकेगी मेरी!!

Y : पकेगी बिरयानी, डलेगा उसमे ग़ोश्त भी
सब्र करो थोडा, भरेगा पेट properly!

X : बकरे को बुलाइए
के चुप न जाए हमसे कहीं ...

Y : मसलों का arrangement,
कर तो लीजिये अभी...
चावल पका के रखिये,
बुलाते हैं उसे यहीं!

Chorus : अभी न जाओ छोड़ कर.
के दिल अभी भरा नहीं... x2


............


disclaimer:
any references to a particular person is entirely intentional and not at all a co-incidence.


p.s. if u know it is you...do not sulk.
p.p.s: if u think it is you...feel free to ask on GMAIL.

p.p.p.s: what ever the case is...it is not entirely you =P

legend:

x= bored 2

y= bored 1

bakra= what you think we will tell you??, wait for a poem on you...

give me a reason.

give me a name for the season, the name for this part of the year.
name the wind that blows in the evenings these days...
give me a name for the guilt, the remorse.
give me a reason, give me a name.
give me a reason to leave, give me a reason to stay.

-------/--\--------

wishlist.

peck on my cheek,
a long conversation in silence.
a long phone call.
a whole day of loud music, singing at the top of my voice...
a peck on my cheek
a guilt free/remorse free day.
silence.
peace.
a hug.


background song on repeat

(source)

update: 

a friend

little care and warmth

no wrath

no.
nothing is happening. i just wanted a post for 1st FEB.
no nothing special.

EUREKA!!!

why do Indian families PREFER arranged marriages?

because they have a royal family background!!

all girls are princesses and boys princes.

 ok ok ... let me be a little more explicit.

look at any royal family, the bride is more than often chosen by the family, if not there is a huge uproar...and the whole family working also follows the footsteps of any royal family.

WELL i was watching this movie *fire and ice* it involves a royal family, a rebellious princess and a lot of fantasy, dragons and a good looking knight etc etc.

 the princess was constantly bossed around by her mother, like any ANY Indian mother. 

 "you are a princess, they are not supposed to behave like this,"

" you are a princess you are not supposed to eat like this"

baaki figure out yourself.

this idea suddenly struck me yesterday, it feels ok now.

why marriage?

a friend of mine got her marriage date finalized.
AND with 'M' question to be put on table by parents anytime now and not a knight at sight...THIS gives me relief =P

yeah ok am bored, there is nothing better to do, but this nonsense seems to make a lot of sense to me.

but well i wish they just banned marriage.

 WAIT TO READ A LOT MORE ABOUT THIS. 

-------/--\--------

=|

we can draw inspiration ONLY  from new blokes in bollywood.

new MILE SUR is nice . but how nice can it be when it actually stands for:
 *PMS mera tumhara*
well so what if it was un-inspiring..too long...and nothing like the original; but well did its part showed how pretty and patriotic our bolyywood STARS are.

and thnaks to the news channels for telling us the names of the bollywood stars who got the padma awards but well yeah Six Padma Vibhushans, 43 Padma Bhushans and 81 Padma Shris are, also,  being awarded this year. 

Yes i will watch a Bollywood movies today laced with the patriotic fervor, routine song and dance and yeah pretty people.

 as  a gentle man comments on the celebration of RD parade:

"this day gives a heady romance to every indian and it should be celebrated"

nothing like the magic of this *old* wine....

happy republic day people.


update: http://krishashok.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/mile-sur-mera-tomorrow-fail/    this guy explains it all explicitly !!

-------/--\--------

random

i have moved on;

don't cling onto me...

i have moved on.

don't see me in your dreams.don't say you love me;

lest i am tainted devil; i can't entirely be one.

let me be selfish; let me be cruel.

let me be the villain, one place i don't want to be found in-between.

kill me so that i am out of your sight.

i cant see you like this, please don't put up a fight.

what i am to you is not real...
....give me miles and miles of mountains and i will ask for the seas..

completely unrelated, one of my fav tracks:  काश ऐसा कोई मंज़र होता...तेरे काँधे पे मेरा सर होता |

came across THIS beautiful blog.

hooked to: nusrat fateh ali khan ; damien rice; rabbi shergill.:  all sound sufi to me.

P.S.: forgive the crap. it is not meant to be beautiful.

 neither the art nor the artist here is.

-------/--\--------

...

खामोश हैं आज ;

कुछ केहना बी तो नहीं हैं |

ना कोई अधूरी काहानी है , नाही कोई आगाज़ जिसके अंजाम की उम्मीद  हो |

ना कोई किरदार; न कोई शक्ल जिक्सके धुंधले होने का दम भरें  |

कोई ख्वाब बी नहीं हैं के जिसके टूटने पर उदासी हो ; नाही कोई चाहत ना कोई आस |

कोई सवाल ही नहीं हैं के जिसके जवाब मैं रातों को जागा करें; कोई उलझन ऐसी जिसके सुलझने की फ़रियाद करें  |

ना तेरा साया है , ना तेरी तस्वीर  ;

ना तेरे जिस्म की प्यास; ना तेरे थर्राते होटों से अपना नाम सुन ने की चाहत कोई  |

नाही कोई बैचैनी  है; नाही कभी दबी हुई, कभी उखड़ी हुई सांस ;

नाही नींद |

एक अनजाना  ठहराव  है बस ; कुछ खामोश से हैं आज |

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming ;

Or the moment of truth in your lies

when everything feels like the movies ;

Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"

random conversation: d3ath left the fly without wings

[scene: two people in opposite ends of the world, two different time zones; have this intellectual conversation]

bored 1 [having the morning cuppa' tea ]: if a fly gets it's wings cut off, would it be called a walk?

bored 2 [having the evening cuppa' tea] : naah, it will be called flied.

bored 1: hmm..

PS : the title's for those who cannot see

-------/--\--------

Death stands above me whispering low/i know not what into my ear/of his language all i know is/ there is not a word of fear- Walter Savage Landor

applaud..yes applaud the newest kill.

it fired me up. it gave me the thrills.

i walked over to walk up to again.

i passed by a thousand times.

i hammered in the nails in the coffin and buried my past.

the rust and the worms inside the clayey me; catalyzed by the inability to hold gave way,

gave way and the ghosts returned to haunt the glee.

the damning recluse's existence marred with self-induced misery.

the virgin’s fucked up without the penetration.

raped off of the music...of the dance of the soul.

i laugh at the mirror...i laugh at god's mockery.

the beautiful skin, the smile, the eyes and nothing at all to see.

embracing the corpses of ethics i slayed all my way.

i sign parchments of confessions as i lay there dead.

i spoke to silence.

 haan, khamosh raat me ek kahaani likhi,

teri meri jawaani likhi.

shabdon se na bayan hui,

kuch ehsaas piroye; kuch saanson k sahare likhi.

kyun roya tu?

kya kisine tera naam likha?

kahan kho gaya tu?

kya kisine fir ilzaam nahin pyar likha?

-------/--\--------

realizations 3: boredom blabber =|

I am taking driving lessons.  FINALLY!
It was my first day and the teacher is my baffled brother.

it is OH SO difficult,
i have so much more respect for truck drivers now.

the clutch and the accelerator are too adamant to work as a team, you are right with one but then the second just goes away; the poor break tries to help, but then the middle-man can do only that much....
it is more difficult than the trigonometry chapters in 11th.

blah...

well i realized three things aaj:

1. i am a caring person... =)

yeah my brother, mother and 90% of my friends wont agree but well, i refused to reverse the car because there was a BMC  sweeper, sweeping the road behind the car, i didn't want to hurt him.

*and a halo appears on my forehead as i write this*

*angel eyes*

2. it in not the people in particular but the characters they portray that makes them hot, both on reel and real life....the example i gave a friend to exemplify the above realization, who realized the same thing along with me:

vidya balan in kismat konnection (note the 'k) sucked big time.

but in parineeta, ishqiya (well trailors atleast) awesome!! ..

(girl here 'coz it was a dialogue between a straight girl and a straight a guy...who replied *yeah hmm *yeah hmm in both the cases, yah am the girl btw)

(gosh i am pathetic)

3.i am pathetically bored....pathetically! 

i watched and enjoyed  south-park.

what?? don't make a face now, you are pathetically bored too if you actually enjoy watching it.

p.s. the picture is for exemplificatory purposes only, i am not half as cute as she is =P

p.s.1: BTW i dunno if that is even a word.

-------/--\--------

we fall and how

I READ THIS LINE SOMEWHERE:

A word to the wise:

 "If you love the poetry, buy the book..

.. Don't fall for the poet"

it is so wrong to assume that the creator of  a beautiful piece of art is bound to be as beautiful or more beautiful than the art itself.

art maybe an exaggeration of a tiny fragment of his, maybe the beauty is secluded to remain till that, maybe the beauty finishes there with that fragment.

the beauty of the art remains forever, the finesse' of the artist may fade with time.

....it feels so light now....

P.S: i just wanted to record this line
....................
AND CAME ACROSS THIS :

-------/--\--------

hush...hush!

listen, listen to that far cry.

listen, listen the heart beats.

hush a while,hush listen to the feeble voice...

the flutter in the corner of the heart...

the silent quiver in that rusty corner,

the last page of that unread book.

the first dried rose,

the tear drop on the page dated to that special day.

listen listen to that faint cry,

hush!

hush,i want to listen to that girl...let me listen to her;

let me listen to her dream...

hush a while...hush!

-------/--\--------

my dark resolutions !!

my second tag there!!!

tagged by : standby mind..
i am supposed to jot down my 5 dark resolutions for the year. so here goes.

1. i want to finish a full bottle of vodka, get high, dance like mad and sing zombie =|.


2.i want to erase the memory of  people i have hurt who i am too arrogant to say sorry to but am dying to settle matters. =|

3. i want to abuse and curse 5 people i won't name.  

4. i want to dance on lady gaga's paparazzi and embarrass a hottie in my college.


5. i want to start a rumor. it is silly but i have never been party to any or started any. =|

there goes. alright now i pass it on to everybody who has read this...who haven't been already tagged by standby.

-------/--\--------

kill me but then let me die.

 i walked without fears under pouring skies, over drenched asphalt.

 i walked for her; i walked to her.

she met me halfway on the street.

she gave me an umbrella and took my hopes away.
she did my bed and took my sleep away.

do apologies ever suffice?

does time ever heal?

are decisions ever the right ones.

is she worth all this pain?


------/---\------

yeah no resolutions for me =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR !

new year resolution!

random conversations: the dazzler on the street!

long since i last posted a conversation.

all right this happened this morning. me, bhupi and mum  in the car.

............

background: my mom has an innate knack of describing things.

(effect lost in translation) 

she saw a girl on her scooty at the traffic signal. 

she looked at her and then turned around and said.

mom: [makes a face] look at the girl on the scooty.

         gawd she has a chain in her back pocket with three stars dangling, they are shining!!(under the sun)

        

   (and as you look at it how very scientific...stars under the sun...shining due to the light reflected...hmmm ohk back to the convo)

bhupi and me look at the girl.

moi: whoa a dazzling bum!!

laughter!!! (me and mum)
silence...

bhupi:[looking at us] he ru(a)m!!!!!(pathetic attempt to make it rhyme)

 i see stars under the sun,

a babe on move...

i see long walls with doors,

i see cheese on the moon.

blah!! who said i have to make sense =|

-------/--\--------

oh, the time that was!

i want that time back when music channels played music more than played bitching-behind-your-backs reality shows.

i want that time back when aggression was not the most obvious reaction.

i want that time back when i could listen to a shitty sad song and relate to it.

i want that time back when i had hand fights with my brother, verbal assaults with my mother and then by the night came a full round of jokes and laughter.

i want that time back when i studied for grades rather than for career.

i want that time back when i could pass hating my relatives.

i want that time back when i didn't have to do things because i was responsible.

i want that time back when if i left a tap open i wasn't called irresponsible.

i want that time back when even if i was the elder sister i was still young.

i want that time back when  i didn't know what the f* word was.

i want that time back when i didn't mind when parents acted like parents.

i wan that time back when i wasn't  a snob.

i want that time back when if i cried i wasn't called an emotional fool.

i want that time back when i cried.
i want that time back when i cared.
i want that time back when i loved.


oh and did i mention:

i want that time back a good fifteen years from now =P

-------/--\--------

THE FAIRY TALE BASTARDS.

WAKE UP TO REALITY.

SHUT UP BE SILENT.

REALIZE: YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO SPEAK.

LISTEN. 

LISTEN TO PEOPLE GATHERING FORCES AGAINST YOU.

SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

NO-ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU.

THERE IS NO-BODY WHO LOVES YOU ENOUGH. 

THEIR SELFISH MOTIVES INVOLVING YOUR PROTECTION.

EVERYBODY IS RIGHT ON THEIR OWN STANDS.

EVERYBODY STANDS AND LOOKS AT YOU.

EVERYBODY JUST BLOODY STARES.

YOU ARE IN THE SPOT.

YOU ARE ON THE SPOT.

YOU ARE THE DECORATED PIECE OF SHIT.

THE GARBAGE READY TO  BE SHOVED OFF, SHOVED AWAY.

THERE ARE NO FAIRIES.

THERE ARE NO HAPPY ENDINGS.

THERE ARE NO DESIRES,WISHES.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH THE RIGHT TO SCREW YOU.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SCREW YOU.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOOK AT YOU GETTING SCREWED, ALL THEY MUSTER IS:

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP".

WAKE UP.
THERE ARE NO DREAMS.

     -------/--\--------