random conversations: the breakfast dialog =P

MTV:*rote kaiko ham? ha(aaaaaaa)in.....rote kaiko ham????* 

ME:  itna ro ro ke...ha(aaaaaa)in...questions puchte kaiko ham??

MTV: *would you lie for love?* 

 ME:hain? would i? never!

       umm....

       but isn't all fair in love and war? 

    hmmm....

MTV: *he's so sexy sexy!*

ME: i'd sure lie for love ;)

....................................................................

people who have been reading my blog for sometime now (people, people!!!!) have heard a lot about Vinobha. he met with an accident 2 weeks ago and has 24 stitches!!
( i wonder how that was even possible, given it is Vinobha)
this was a conversation i had with him...posting it again

[it had 0 comments (i hate unread garbage =|)]

[in the red (monstrous) volvo]

bhavika: ye dettol jaisi smell aa rahi hai na.

vinobha: haan wo swine flu hai na isilie dettol daal dia hai.

bhavika: huh?? usse kya faida hone wala hai?

[silence]

[after 10 minutes]

bhavika: ye dettol jaisi smell abhi tak aa rahi hai.

vinobha: hmm...khali hawa kyun ho isilie kuch to smell karne ke lie de rahe hain.

bhavika: nimmaji thale. :|

[location: Bangalore; date: Nov. 1st 2009]

..............................................

truth and beauty are cousins at war.

R.I.P: to the incorrigible girl who once loved sunflowers and butterflies.

For angels tread on heavenly grounds, I dare not set my foot on the clouds.

There is this nonchalance that she and the world shared. None ever did tread upon each other’s roads, but walked past by, always.Her worst fear and her greatest desire stemmed from one single line of thought, what if she disappeared? There was not much fear for the oblivion as there was curiosity.

The fear,THE nightmare was the fact rather that she will never be looked for.

ever.

Strange are her ways, for she wants to be looked for but not found.

The fact that she had the ability to disappear gave her the sky that she was so overwhelmed by but just at
 that point, her feet searched for the ground, the home she never found. Very few people knew her as someone who was damningly vulnerable; they made good use of that. For others she was strong, obstinate almost; but for her she was TOO strong, too strong to carry on, sometimes; for strength was a tough call when it came to doing things on her own,she almost always freaked out, she could have been called a coward at best, her cowardice giving her, her biggest flaw; Honesty. 

She spoke her heart out always, not knowing when to stop, where to draw the line.
Paradox was her second name.

Her ego was too huge for her to open up for just about anyone, leaving her alone, lonely at times.
Her inability to draw lines, led to her losing immensely, leaving her alone, lonely at times.

She was a sucker for mush and love stories and there have been umpteen nights where she has spent crying and sobbing over a stupid love scene. 

Mornings were much better for her though, they better suited her; but like all things good for her, she maintained a distance from them. 
Happier during the day she’d flinch and make a face when her mate would talk a little mush. She would do just about anything; she had very few rules, but hated it when someone else did it.

She was hugely defensive, her guards up as soon as someone said something remotely nice to her; yet, she fell in love with almost every guy who gave her a little bit of attention.
oh did I mention that she was a observer, yes that thrilled her, sitting for hours pointing out tiny details, noting how the hands move, how he looks…the smiles and the words…she was a sucker for words, the beauty of a single word, those monosyllabic poems or volumes spoken about a single thought.
Yeah she loved words, she fell for them always.
She hated being called when she was working or writing or listening to a song or watching a movie, she wanted her peace of mind, her solitude almost always and all the time.
Yet, she despised it.
There were these certain times where she wanted a friend, a silent partner who she can discuss the world with, her stories, music,movies, her stupid theories, who might not have the same tastes yet someone who loved conversations just as much as she did. 

She never looked for anyone though, she did not think she was good enough;

people came stayed briefly and left, she did not ask anyone to stay, she did not think she was good enough
She was always left, always left alone, for her own good, for their own good.
Her smiles and tears were, to her amusement, always there, irrespective of anyone being there or not. 

She learnt to live alone, alone in the crowd, alone in someone’s company. She hated that, yet secretly she knew that gave her independence, in a very pathetic way one might think, but it did. The fact that she could not receive/accept love gave her the secret strength to lose; for she lost, always.

There is no faith anymore, no more hope; neither fears or illusions.
There is just calm.

This for the girl who once loved sunflowers and butterflies.
May you rest in peace.

....................................................................................................................................................................

the post was off.

i never intended to repost it again...but someone did look for her after all...

it is for you Blasphemous Aesthete 

wishlist 2

a lover's sigh

the smell of  your hair after you've shampoo-ed (especially in the rainy afternoons)

ice-cream for lunch and sweet-corn(on cob)

a half-read book on your bed (which you actually intend on finishing)

reminiscence of happy times. 

your friend who has known you for years just a phone call away, no guilt, no regrets. 

your friend who has known you for years saying that you are one person i thought who would do something with her life. 

you sit there and think. 

realizations: there i go again!

OK now there is this new realization, that has been on my mind since long but then anything that takes me away from what i love does not, AT ALL, go well with me.
1. the theory is that to be a happy person (yes fellas i am not bipolar, it is just that melancholy is my favorite vice) you have to be around happy people and listen to happy songs.
 sad songs depress you ALWAYS. period.
 nostalgia is not always unhappy and that good songs that have so formed your childhood (yeah the stupid one's as well) make you happy.
the corollary: well so that means you choose to be happy or unhappy but then to that i say , like calvin says, vice is not for better or worse, vice is just different than virtue.

'cut the crap honey!'

'eeee i know!!' 

so the long story short, i make my choices...it was melancholy a week back and, well, it is for the happier me today.
yeah another realization, 2. you know you are getting better with people when you earn sweet nicknames =D

i just love this track, this is one of my happy childhood memories:

realization 3, yeah i just found out, internet has no secrets, or well, yeah that also could mean i am famous ;)

i can use somebody.

what good are you doing to yourself when you end up asking the same questions again. each day, all the time. melancholy is a vice, true but it is not all that is to you.
you  have known how to be happy. why does it happen then?
why does an art perfected over time just shudder and fade.

"O! Poor unthinking human heart! Error will not go away; logic and reason are slow to penetrate. We cling with both our arms to false hope, refusing to believe the weightiest proofs against it, embracing it with all our strength…

In the end it escapes ripping our veins and draining our heart’s blood; until regaining consciousness, we rush to fall into the snares of delusion all over again”.

-“ the postmaster “

Rabindranath Tagore

firse subah hogi kabhi to tere dar par, firse tere man me ham rahe har pal. 

hala ka ukulele, momma made a baby

there are so many things in life that are beautifully described by Calvin-Hobbes.

like so many respectable people who are the talk of the town, who take up hours of prime time discussion on the very respectable 'news' channels. need exactly what Calvin here is selling. 

( it will be the dream job!!)

and i wrote a small letter to Mr. Bill Watterson,

Dear Mr. Bill,

thank you for Calvin and Hobbes.

thank you for telling us that intelligence is not the property of the self-professed-intellectuals.

it is inherent, innate.

it is a true genius who 'is', and is happy to 'be'.

thanks for telling us that it is always better to look at life with a little wacky point of view.

thank you for telling us that Hobbes being life like for Calvin is just as true as it being a stuffed toy for his parents.

love,

loads of it,

all Calvin and Hobbes fans.

and hooked to THIS track!!
(just in case you are wondering about the title)

and in the depths of winter i realized within me lay an invincible summer. 

not anyone you know.

i have been mulling over this and i think calling myself Vagabond is not exactly right.
Vagabond was a name that struck me and stuck to me due to THIS amazing poem by R.L.Stevenson.
i am in love with the poem and the message.

but of late i think i have become a person who does not live up to life.
someone who is not living up to the promises made to self, to others, pining for, looking for things that seem/are distant, hanging in-between, a Vagabond does not, it marches ahead, is comfortable with the today as much as with the yesterdays and tomorrows. i am not and i chose this.

i am more of a *gullible cynic*, yes i know, a paradox in its own way.
i just do not know myself anymore, do not know anyone who knows me or wants to.
i am just the puddle in the rain, who is special and beautiful only at times.
just like someone you don't know.
just *nOt anyone you know*

*is mod se jaate hain, kuch sust kadam raste, kuch tez kadam raahen*

wouldn't you ask if i wanted to hold you?
wouldn't you come when i want you?
won't i have conversations as i watch the sunrise?
can i walk away knowing ill be called back?
won't i see the rain without misty eyes?
won't i catch the smile? won't that smile be mine?

can i have the honey dipped sugarcoated mush without the chagrin?

can i have a little more of ME before being condemned?

...

ek haton ki harqat hi sahi,

 ek palkon ka jhapakna hi sahi,

ek banti halki si hasi hi sahi, 

wo lamha hi to tha, ek lamha hi to hai...

ek lamhe ki bas zindagi, ek lamhe me hi guzar jana hai...

the sham

कौड़ियों के दाम बिकते हैं अब,

कौड़ियों में हैं खरीदे जाते ,

धोका है?

हाँ ! जनाब मंज़ूर है ये बी अब हमें;

मजबूरियां नजदीकियों की हैं ,

धोके ही सही;धोके में हैं जीए जाते..

White lies bartered for momentary pleasures

Angelic hymns resonating in the crimson-walled hell.

Glistening faces tainted; 

Eyes moist with fear of farce, gaping, amazed at the reality.

the silhouette lost forever.

forever lost 


can't be too late to say i was so wrong. 

insomnia

wet pillowcases.

empty arms.

the never ending ache.

the dearth, the want, the fear.

dream-hungry empty weary eyes.

...........

 I've been here before

Sat on a floor in a grey grey mood
Where I stay up all night
And all that I write is a grey grey tune

...........

sing to me a lullaby, lull me to sleep. 

.................







Desolé, if someone is prayin' then I might break out,
Desolé, even if I scream I can't scream that loud
...
So pray for me child, just for a while
That I might break out
Pray for me child
Even a smile would do for now

[photo]

the chronicles of vellapanti

Someone Like You is a must watch!
nothing special about the movie,but the fact that i saw this movie when i was around 15 years ol' maybe, loved it then, saw it last night and loved it more...

the theories are hilarious and in a very weird way make a lot of sense and more than once had me nodding along =P


Eddie: It's over. Why can't you just let it go? 
Jane: I can't. 
Eddie: Why? 
Jane: Because I was happy. Because if this theory is wrong, men don't leave all women, Eddie. They leave me. 

well yet another list. (which kinda adds to all the hoola of *nothing good happens after 2 am)

The *DO NOT* list of things for a die-hard-romantic:
(read as a confused cynic on the verge of being a misanthrope who is in love with love and hence  tends to forget the *need of another person* part in between and then realises the lacuna at a very bad time)

1. DO NOT listen to romantic songs, especially ones that reminds you of someone(s)/some time/some place.

2. DO NOT watch  'LOVE STORY'

3.DO NOT ask questions whose answers you know.

4. DO NOT stay up after 10 pm.

5. get a life. [so do this unlike what is written on the opening line (ok sue me it is 3 AM and i am posting/scribbling, you sure did not expect me to make sense)]

and now, to top the list of the umpteen realizations there are these:

1. do not...DO NOT...let anyone know how much they are important, gives them ample sleep and makes you insomniac.

2. you want people who do not want you; people who want you, you do not want them. yes it is a triangle. you end up loosing face and loosing a friend/confidant.

and that brings me to the third

3. life is a two faced screwdriver (yeah it is a special kind), screws you whichever side you are.

its time.

you have to get a life when:

1. your mom get more phone calls than you do (landline and the mobile phone combined)
2. you consistently check the phone for messages even when it is on the *GENERAL* mode and you have clearly not heard a *BEEP*
3. when you have 10 drafts in your mobile phone, 15 saved half written *txt files in your *POETRY IS A WAY OF THINKING* folder and you are lines away from them making any sense.
4. when your mom asks you to get up and get a life. your teacher calls you and says you are lazy in the head and there is actually a lot to do and you do nothing.
5. when you log in/log out without any new chat convos, FB updates, mails and sigh.
6. when the weather is perfect outside, a movie theatre streaming 5 movies at a time is a walk away and you still sit at home wailing that you have no one to go to a movie with.

7. when you are half asleep through the day, half awake through the night.
8. when you are mad at some one and do not even know the reason why.
9. when you actually check the watch 3 times in a single hour and wonder if it is actually working. the clock hands just do not move.
10. when you watch a tamil version of munnabhai mbbs trying to imitate the actors language and end up more pissed.
11. when you make up random conversations in your head and then think over them so many times that they almost look like they were for real.
12. when you wake up telling yourself *nothing good happens after 2 a.m.* almost every single morning now.

get a life, like NOW.

it is official. i am finally doing nothing =D

what does one do when one has a lot of VELLA time on hand?
well since i am at my VELLA best nowadays i wish i had something solid about that and was originally wanted a realisations post on this.
but what the hell!
my friends have been on my back (it is very weird for people to see an architecture student [(the ex student now) YAY!] sitting at home, idle and doing nothing.
(note: the more glaring point to note here is 'IDLE' and 'DOING NOTHING').
people have now restored to calling me names...now cm'on does a person not deserve a good 2 months ka break from things (WORK, SOCIETY,PEOPLE et all) to do things one likes?

definition of things i like : DAY DREAMING, GAZING, POINTING AT ABSURD THINGS AND LAUGHING; watching, re-watching,re-re-watching movies that she loves, reading, re-re reading blogposts and books (2 at a time at that) wagerah.
e.g: i actually gazed at a pigeon on my window for a good 15 minutes as it took its stroll on it and i clicked some pictures.


I mean seriously why should people be so judgemental?
lazy bum or not, lazy head or not i am going to stay put...watch some more FRIENDS (which i think know by heart now).
Tell me when else in the world can u afford to sleep for say 10 hours a day and yet complain, when you are so free that you get a headache from doing nothing?? there are times when i am waiting for a reply and if i get it a 2 minutes after i sent it i get pissed. i keep looking at my contacts list for people to call and end up finding no one i can. shit!

but nevertheless, i m loving it and i am staying put! (well for the time being atleast)

no i am not being sarcastic here! not one bit!

on a serious note i seriously think all the VELLA time is gonna be real *bhari* on me =P

no wait there are two realisations:

1. i love the first part of Main Hoon Na and i know all the dialogues between SRK and Ms. Sen.
(go on sue me) hate the second part though.

2. i can sleep without any rhyme or reason ONLY for a good 15 minutes and i hate that about me. i wish i could sleep more...i just laze around. =|

BTW i did something today, in the sense that i submitted THIS post HERE for the colours magazine contest whose link i found HERE.