I am an avid The Seen and the Unseen listener. I listen to most of their episodes, Amit Varma has a way of letting a tale spin, he listens while nudging the guest to talk and talk some more. This episode was a nudge for me more than the guest there, a nudge to journal and record life. I remember a chapter of my life more than anything else because I used to journal - everyday (almost) every thought. It slowly became my entire life, because that is all I had to refer to, read back to. Nostalgia affects you. I tried to put in an analogy relating nostalgia with the Van der Waals forces but stopped midway, I do not know much about it to attempt it here without a chance of error. So did not, but you get the point don’t you?
My daughter has started going to school. I wept the first time I dropped her.
I have been a working mom since before she turned one, I did not weep when I first left her at home. Yes, my heart did break into a million pieces then, but this time around she was leaving me and I was left outside waving goodbye.
I have a confession, on the second day of school when I went to drop her, she cried - my first reaction to that was that of relief, she does not want to let me go. I was reassured before returning back to the reality of consoling her kissing her, telling her I will be back.
Three years have passed since this chapter of my life started. I was born so many times in this period…I was born when I conceived her, born again with her and then again when she said mumma for the first time. Yes, that is the name she has chosen for me and I am letting it stay. She can say my name now and it sounds like she is calling for someone resembling me, someone who is better than me, someone I am in the process of becoming.
The final nudge in the entire series of nudges that led me to this was listening to this interview of Mr. Kaul. I am jealous of the gamut of emotions he feels.
also, Babaji is getting married, we are all growing up…
Guess, will be back here again after a few more nudges.
