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Showing posts from 2009

new year resolution!

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random conversations: the dazzler on the street!

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long since i last posted a conversation. all right this happened this morning. me, bhupi and mum  in the car. ............ background: my mom has an innate knack of describing things. (effect lost in translation)  she saw a girl on her scooty at the traffic signal.  she looked at her and then turned around and said.

mom:[makes a face] look at the girl on the scooty.          gawd she has a chain in her back pocket with three stars dangling, they are shining!!(under the sun)
  (and as you look at it how very scientific...stars under the sun...shining due to the light reflected...hmmm ohk back to the convo)

bhupi and me look at the girl.

moi: whoa a dazzling bum!!

laughter!!! (me and mum)
silence...

bhupi:[looking at us] he ru(a)m!!!!!(pathetic attempt to make it rhyme)

 i see stars under the sun, a babe on move... i see long walls with doors, i see cheese on the moon.
blah!! who said i have to make sense =|


-------/--\--------

oh, the time that was!

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i want that time back when music channels played music more than played bitching-behind-your-backs reality shows.

i want that time back when aggression was not the most obvious reaction.

i want that time back when i could listen to a shitty sad song and relate to it.

i want that time back when i had hand fights with my brother, verbal assaults with my mother and then by the night came a full round of jokes and laughter.

i want that time back when i studied for grades rather than for career.

i want that time back when i could pass hating my relatives.

i want that time back when i didn't have to do things because i was responsible.

i want that time back when if i left a tap open i wasn't called irresponsible.

i want that time back when even if i was the elder sister i was still young.

i want that time back when  i didn't know what the f* word was.

i want that time back when i didn't mind when parents acted like parents.

i wan that time back when i wasn't  a snob.

i w…

THE FAIRY TALE BASTARDS.

WAKE UP TO REALITY.
SHUT UP BE SILENT.
REALIZE:YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO SPEAK.
LISTEN. 
LISTEN TO PEOPLE GATHERING FORCES AGAINST YOU.


SHUT UP AND LISTEN.
NO-ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU.
THERE IS NO-BODY WHO LOVES YOU ENOUGH. 
THEIR SELFISH MOTIVES INVOLVING YOUR PROTECTION.


EVERYBODY IS RIGHT ON THEIR OWN STANDS.
EVERYBODY STANDS AND LOOKS AT YOU.
EVERYBODY JUST BLOODY STARES.


YOU ARE IN THE SPOT.
YOU ARE ON THE SPOT.


YOU ARE THE DECORATED PIECE OF SHIT.
THE GARBAGE READY TO  BE SHOVED OFF, SHOVED AWAY.

THERE ARE NO FAIRIES.
THERE ARE NO HAPPY ENDINGS.
THERE ARE NO DESIRES,WISHES.
THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH THE RIGHT TO SCREW YOU.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SCREW YOU.
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOOK AT YOU GETTING SCREWED, ALL THEY MUSTER IS:
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP".



WAKE UP.
THERE ARE NO DREAMS.


     -------/--\--------

25 random things on 25th december ho! ho! ho!

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i have been tagged!! =)
the person who tagged me: dranz3r.

alright i write here 25 random things (well it is pretty much random here anyways =P)

1. this is my first tag.
2. it is christmas.

3. i love this time of the year but i am too cynical to believe in santa claus. just like i am too cynical to believe that i will be rewarded if i do something good and get away with something wrong i do, thus the difficulty of me being good =| but i am scared of ghosts/spitrts and avoid watching horror flicks =|

4. as a continuation of the above i slept with my parents for a whole week after i saw RGV's "Bhoot". =/

5. my back hurts when i laugh unlike the belly-aches most people have when they laugh. i am all turned around eh!

6. i fell in and out of love in a single day =P  i fall in love with things at random...all the time =)

7. i use smilies incessantly.=|

8. i just checked dranz3r's blog to see if everything has to be about me or not =P

9. i once worked 18th hours at  a stretch for a s…

the constant monologue: i talk myself to sleep.

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the recent news where a mom twitted about her son's death attracted fury,concern and sympathy in equal measure.
in my core group it evoked pity, for her and a time for reality check for ourselves.
all this sounds so cliche' technology has taken us away from people and is like all cliche's so true.
this generation of us, of self-proclaimed self professed intellectuals/geeks constantly on the network,looking for people looking for the likes.
i have been constantly complained to of being unconcerned or less concerned about people around me. i am called the silent types, but i chat away,blog away to glory all the while.

my friends are on my computer

it is a sad situation.
and the more saddening part is i am blogging about my concerns about blogging.

a friend of mine clarifies and i quote:
"I blog about things i wouldn't tell anyone 'coz i know they wouldn't be bothered(and in turn finding people who can relate to it)"

reason enough for now =|


intrestingly

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a visit to a 'crafts mela' and i am wondering.

1. paper flowers last more, sell more, cost less. they don't wither and die, they last as long as you want them to...the typical sasta sundar mazboot ...they don't leave you, they don't wither and die, is that why they fail to attract as much as a bunch of fresh lilies or sunflowers?
so all good things are good because they come with a limited time period. a city on a holiday looks great,feels great, you tend to explore it more in 10 days than people staying there do in years.
really?

2. a sai temple where the evening 'aarti' is going on, and the chai-cum-paan shop right next to it a lane dividing them...both the places packed with people...people clapping...one on the beats of the 'aarti'  the other on a 'sixer' by someone in blue...
different people,different religions,different gods.


another interesting picture i came along.

later.

here and there

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night. silent. dark.
the target set...eyes fixed on the bleak light at a distance.
the bleak lights on doorways to a wonderland,the land of an eternal light...
the land of endless possibilities...the land where desires are fulfilled...

dreams are turning into reality. the moment of redemption is near. the breaths are fast. steps slow but more surer....reach for the handle....

aaaaa mooosssaaaa
hush

ENOUGH OFF TO BED RIGHT NOW

the dragon lady wakes up denying the only pleasure a 5 year old and a 7 year old recognize...the ice-cream

ab batao...tummy ki sune k mummy ki

...................................................................................

P.S.1: i just love that line in that irritating ad =P
P.S.2: complete fiction...bleak lights on the refrigerator btw.
P.S.3: don't mind the pretty-less-thought-given-and-complete-lack-of-mindfulness or the stupidity of the post i am too scared of another writers block.
..................................................................

joblessn…

whtevr..

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a lazy morning.
a lazy afternoon.
a lazy evening
and a late night.

pretty much sums up life. =|
yeah so with no inspiration and nothing happening in life worth writing about i thought of writing a 55 fiction.
(probably this is the way a blogger turns into a writer hi hi)




[two people on the street silence]

"You know you are annoying."

"No, I am not. You are."                                          


"You wish...You are."

"NO"

"aha?"

"alright peace"

"No, i think you are right. I am sorry."

[silence]

"You know what, I agree"

[silence]

"You know YOU ARE ANNOYING."

[silence]






redemption

redeem me please, redeem from my clutches;
free me from the angst.
leave me to die alone;
but don't lurch in the dark.


come out in the open;
come clean upon my face.
i have nothing to offer you.
i have been hiding, been invisible for fate.


all i have on me is, the over-whelming alone-ness and a little disgrace.


a little story i finished writing , a little story that spoke of me;
with your profound essence, a little wary of your being.
wont you sing me the lullaby, oh! sing to me please;
sing to me as i drift, away; away into sleep.

all in a morning's work =)

it's a bizzare morning.

dying already =|
i am reading TUESDAYs WITH MORRIE nowadays (close to completion now) and was catching up an early morning broadcast of  THE BUCKET LIST (movie) on HBO. both involve old men in the last days of their life. well it was ironical 'coz i woke up in the morning running a temperature and a runny nose and all through the movie i was in a blanket, a sweater on me sneezing and coughing. i realized the irony of it after movie was over and i got rid of the sweater and the mess in the room rearranged the furniture and got a grip  =|

It is nice to not know about some-things and let you mom explain them to you =)
My mom is a share-enthusiast or whatever they are called. i am a big zero in the totality. she constantly discusses the share market with my brother. who supposedly understands and nods. I DON'T. yeah, i am ignorant and my mom takes great pleasure in talking about it in my presence.
i secretly love it. she likes the fact there still are cer…

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

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i am the father. yes.
i feel proud when my son recites the poem he recited on the stage in his annual function.

i am the father.
i love my daughter.
i love to see her dance.  dance away.


i am the father.
i look into my wife's eyes when she describes the time when my son said something mature for the first time, when my daughter wrote her name for the first time. while i was away...

i am the father.
i try and look into her eyes for the magic of that moment i missed.
through my reading glasses i see her smile.beaming at her children.

i am the father.
i am the person who leads the way, who walks alone.
who stands behind the camera capturing each moment spent.


i am the father.
i am the person who is the silent lover, while the mother takes the accolades.
who lives through the nine months wait; dotingly besides the lady on the bed.

i am the father.
my eyes swell with proud tears that is why i look away;
knowing at that exact moment i am complete.



i am the father, yes.

can nor cannot want you...

sms 1 [from Y to X]: "she hugged me yesterday and i dint feel a thing.."
sms 2 [from X to Y]: hmm.
does she look you in the eye and tell you how you feel?
does she know You are for real?
does she feel warm and secure in your embrace?
does she feel the fondness in your gaze?

or do you?
do you think of me when she looks at you knowingly?
am i around when the laughter rings clear?
am i there when the smile starts in your lips...am i at the coffee house?
am i there when  you look in her eyes...do you search for me in the mist of her eyes?


did you buy it...or found it lying around? did you put in your pocket or  tucked somewhere in you....somewhere deep down?
am i lost or am i loosing you?

-----------------------------------
[i was suggested by someone that i write  a P.S. footer for better understanding of the posts..here goes]
P.S.: X and Y were in love. now they seem to be moving on, away from each other after a breakup. X informs Y of a new girl....

FINALLY

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"where everyone knows your name...."


coming home....

FINALITY

when things have been done, when things have been said...when backs are packed. in those final  breaths before that impending end...

part 1:

Awake to the loneliest part of the day. The sky is turquoise blue. It is not day anymore or night yet.
Walk on the noisiest part of the road; People push as they march no-one notices the fall. Wish it still was about the crossroads? Wish it wasn’t the dead end to the one way road, the end, is it? It isn’t crossroads anymore; it is not about the destiny yet. Do you want it tangy? You never wanted it to be sweet. Is it bitter still? A little ketchup will do the trick. Doesn’t do it anymore, does it? It just doesn’t taste the same anymore; maybe it is just about hunger now.” Ahem! Don’t they serve capsules here?” Wish to be lonely and hate when it is silent. Wish to talk and talk; but just gasp and pass. They laugh away, who is the jest? Mirrors talk? Do they? You wish to be invisible, shut up and go but you don’t and just wait. Wait to be overwhelmed.

part 2:


Awak…

deAd aGain

a gleaming light shone.
around the corner blazing like before.
its gone out again.
and i am dead again.

random conversations: me

him: that was me in the story that was my story.

her:[at loss.till date.]

...

to be or not to be.

him: tu ishq jatane me believe karti hai?her: haan b nahin b.
thoda dikhao thoda  chupao. dn't say it directly. give subtle hints.
katra katra...
[after some time]

her: aur tu?him: nahin yar allah ne mujhe itna patience nahin dia. i can keep it bottled up for a long time. then i just have to let it out.

MY CRIME (?)

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am i criminal if try and think for me for a change.
i do not want you . i do not love you. i do not love him either.


but am i a criminal if i care for myself.
but am i a criminal if i care for YOU, as well. am i a criminal  if i say i care for you but cannot love you.
am i a criminal if i listen to you when you shriek and shout and call me names?
am i a bloody criminal when i say someone is perfect. am i insane?
am i a criminal if i for a change let go?
if i found a little happiness for me beyond you?
am i a criminal if i moved on?

aren't you so bloody selfish when you call me so??

why should i live with the guilt when you go fuck up your life?
why should i feel guilty if i was happy?
why should i not find happiness for myself?

aren't you responsible for yourself?
why am i supposed to take care of you?
did you ever take care of me?
why do you want me to pity you?
why do you loose your dignity in front of me?
why do i feel guilty every time i smile without you?

why do i still want to…

un-requited love

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YOU stood on the cross-road,
honey kissed eyes. you saw me walking towards you,
smiled.

looked at you, spat, "what the hell now?" i saw in your left hand, a white polythene and a pair of cute pink socks.
like a flash that evening ran in front of my eyes. i remembered,running out of change,not buying, sighing. you remembered. before i said another word, looked up,saw the silhouette walk away.
I gasped,
.............you,the pair of cute pink socks and me.



"He would not stay for me, and who can wonder? He would not stay for me to stand and gaze.  I shook his hand, and tore my heart in sunder, And went with half my life about my ways."


HUH!

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ACT 1:

ACT 2: loop...

period.

CHOICE

some choices just have to be made.

the choice of being happy or unhappy.
the choice ofclosure.
the choice of letting it hang loose.
the choice of overiding your happiness for some-one else's.
happiness, which you know you are going to take away.
this done so that when you finally make the final kill the person has something to fall back onto. or more likely so, so that there are no negetive repurcursions;
no guilt.
small gestures of care shown to the other to mask your guilt for you.

some choices just have to be made.

the choice of shutting up.
shutting up even when you know you have been wronged, you have wronged.
shutting up even when you know you are being misinterpreted, misunderstood.
shutting up 'coz you do not care.
shutting up 'coz you do not want to mess situations which are already bad.


days pass without having spoken a word.
days pass without noticing people around.
days pass when you wake up unkempt, to unkept promises, un-met deadlines.
days pass you wake up, walk around, last…

realizations 2.

1. i mull, sulk (do not crib ever) when i am free, idle. 
i jump back to being a happy person when i am creatively engaged.


2. since a week or so all the blogs i liked were written by females.
though only male friends of mine blog, it struck as something weird to me. till i found a blog by a male blogger which i instantly liked. the scales are still tipped in favor of girls.

hmm...


3. Sikhs do not wear helmets. a final conclusion drawn after years of thinking over it.

[P.S. realisation 1 and 2  are related . i was mindlessly blogsurfing for about 3 to 4  days ( coz i was idle at office) til i found work for myself today :P ]

mon oeil !

parents: license to screw your life. well, they made you. so they own you. so it is their call.

elders: license to boss around.
"too young to take a decision honey"
"you are too young to speak honey"
"you are too matured/practical for your age honey"

people younger to you:
"hey u do not understand".
.yeah i was never there...yeah and i also do not know what you are doing...
[: |]

people who think they know me but they don't, but they think they know me enough[phew!!]
"what happened?"
"hey are you angry?"

"what happened?"
"why are you so serious?"

"hello baby" [go get a life,screw yourself]
"you should be more considerate, reach out to people" [huh??]


people who know me: we share silence.


[updates soon]


whims and fancies

"what was the inspiration behind it? it felt like you answered my questions for me the ones that were left hanging...somehow"

"i would be lying if i didn't have your convo in mind. i tried to sum up evrybody's feelings...the despair...Agony"

[ a tiny tear drop rolls down my cheek]

"Thank you"

YES and NO

after about 15days of silence between X and Y

[sms: time 00hrs 00 mins: from X to Y]
"i want to hug you, and sleep with my head on your shoulders"

[sms: time 3hrs 30mins from Y to X]
"i will sleep well tonight"

[sms: time 13hrs 30mins from Y to X]
"did you send the sms by mistake"

[sms: time 14hrs from X to  Y]
"NO"

[sms: time 14hrs 30mins from X to  Y]
" Doesn't mean we're back"

[sms: time 15hrs from Y to X]
"have a smiling day beautiful"


i thought i had lost you.

[around 12:30 pm...thursday afternoon in the office. 4 missed calls and 2 messages later bhavika looks at the phone...an impending call from mumma]

mumma:[hysterically shouts] where were you beta. i called so many times. why are you so careless.bhavika: I'm fine mumma, was at another desk, wasn't online through the day, didn't check my phone.mumma: [cries on the phone] i spilled milk this morning... i thought you were lost. i thought i had lost you...

my bubblegum sandals!!

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i remember the afternoon when we sat on the porch.
i was in love with my bubblegum sandals and you told me of my childhood.


today when i sit with my child i see the bubblegum sandals she wears.
and i tell her about the child who wore bubblegum sandals just like these.




dead and alive :)

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suddenly, all of a sudden you wake up and realize you are too precious just too precious to run down into oblivion....to get lost.
it has been just a day and i am back. :)
didn't even give people time to realize (assumption is there were people who did keep track of me :P)
maybe it is unwritten garbage that i have added my share to. maybe.
but there are a small set of people who care and people who want me around.
people who do not actually understand my depths but want to see me smile.
people who know me inside out, like an open book and still love me.

like a popular song goes
"...and this life is too short to live it just for you..."
i am living dreams of most women in my family. my cousin who said i was close to living your life...my mom who always wanted her daughter to be like i am...i am living her dream.

i am too full of myself to do that i realized. i have too little time to live pissed off with the world.
too little time to not spend with immediate people around me…

it isn't just me:

it is 3:20 pm. am in the office. and my gtalk window has 6 people online 4 of which have the following status messages.

1.reshu1231:
  ye mood bhi badi kamini   cheez hai :-(

2.somu di: Dead again..

3.vinobha: am bored of    being bored...!

4.ruchira: TIRED!!!!

yeah and good ones are:

5.nimit.parmar: @ Work   -Every man is the architect   of his own fortune

6.ghani sir: Busy till 15th   Dec.2010 call me if u need   my services

random conversations: :)

[during an arbitrary conversation]

him: main ai ai ai...
her: aaja.


[after a few days]

him:[suddenly speaks] us din jab maine tujhe main ai ai ai kaha tha tab tujhe main j j j kehna chahie tha.
her: huh??
         hmmmm... :)

hindi ya english?

him: english main koi b baat ktni directly keh sakte hain na. say "i want to kiss you" hindi main is line ko kaise bolenge? "mujhe tumhara chumbhan lena hai"?

her: hmm.
log b to aise hi hote hain.

him:hmm.

random conversations: of sandals and scandals.

her: pata hai i broke my sandals toady. this is like 2 of them in one week.
him: hmm.

[after 30 mins or so]

her: i stapled my sandals!!!
him: i stapled my scandals.

ek purana mausam lauta :)

yeah, indolence makes you do silly things sometimes and before you realize they turn out to be very interesting.
i was bored in office (as usual) i went through all my scraps  :)
from beginning [in orkut]


yeah yeah it sounds very mundane and silly...but i had so much fun. there are scraps from 2006 from people i do not even remember and what good rapport i seem to have shared with them.
on the other hand i have other friends who have stood through thick and thin.
there are people seem to have spoken to at length who don't feature in my friend's list anymore...whom i don't remember...i have links in my scrap book which are obsolete :)
i seem to have had long discussions spanning pages but i cant seem to recall the thought that sparked them.
i have been spoken to in code languages which supposedly had made me laugh and i cannot make the head and tails of it :P


like a trip down memory lane.
i felt so good about myself..like i have found myself with others, from others.
like i have been…

blahed.

when do you realize that you are desperately home-sick?
when you have early-morning dreams of dining out with your family (and the annoying dadi).when the cause of a headache in the morning is over-sleeping.when you are extremely tired after doing nothing but wasting time.when you call your mother the first thing in the morning and talk to her and you have this sickening happy feeling when she smothers you.
yeah, you then know you are desperately home-sick.

random conversations:mariage!!

she:tumhara relationship status married kyun dikha raha hai orkut pe?

me:
hmm...
aren't we all married in some ways to everything around us.
marriage is negotiation and the relationship based on many things, but primarily adjustments.aren't we constantly adjusting. aren't we all married to everything around us
...
funda
:P

she:oh my god!!!!!



[she: the perfect half for a perfect gentle man i have known]

random conversations: 'windy matters'

 [scene: everyone is busy working]


vinobha: oye tu aaj dabba lekar nahin aaya?


shankar boss: nahin re

vinobha: ok . to kahan jaenge aaj?
               Ebony?

shankar boss: hmm...nahin nahin wahan bahut hawa aata hia..ud jaega.

bhavika:laughing

shankar boss: (looks at bhavika)
                      nahin sach me...mera papad ud jata hai.

bhavika:
laughing uncontrollably.

shankar boss:
ye ladki to hamesha hasti rehti hai...

.....5 minutes.....



shankar boss (sings): "hawa me udta jae...tera laal dupatta..."

random conversation: starters!! :P

[at breakfast]

shankar boss: tum start karo.

bhavika : nahin aap start karo.

shankar boss: tum start karo.

bhavika: aap karo na.

vinobha:  kya tum dono ko soup pilana padega kya?
starters??

shankar boss + bhavika:
dialogue!!

boundless us...boundless me...

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” -M.K.Gandhi
let's be wild.

let us get high.
half-walk, half-fall on un-named streets. asking for directions to a place just because the name seems nice. eating off the streets only because the vendor passed a smile. buying stuff because the colours are bright.

are you hurt...I'd give you my shoulders to cry..

fuck the bitch and walk till the sorrow drains out.
 let us stare at every face that mocks us. every glare rightfully, scathingly returned.
let us take the midnight bus because we do not want to go home tonight.
let us announce our arrival... let us be the refugees who ruled the worlds.
let's be wild.





random conversation: huhh!!

her: saturdays suck.
         work sucks.
         life sucks.

me: :)

her: i m stuck in a sucking hole.

me: :)

her: huhhhh!!!!!

me: life sucks u
        u suck it back..
        get pleasure out of it.
        don't let it rape you.
        have sex with it.

her: :)

do you believe in fairies??

Peter Llewelyn Davies: This is absurd. It's just a dog.
J.M. Barrie: Just a dog? *Just*?
[
to Porthos]
J.M. Barrie: Porthos, don't listen!
[
to Peter]
J.M. Barrie: Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to shatter those dreams by saying he's *just* a dog? What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying, "He can't climb that mountain, he's just a man", or "That's not a diamond, it's just a rock." Just.




"Do you believe in fairies? Say quick that you believe."
"If you believe, clap your hands!


i believe that i would be taken up..and flown away with the winds..
i believe there will be mirth without malice...
and candies without the chagrin...
i believe there will be a sunset where i drop a
tear with a smile on my face...
content never wanting anything ever again...
i believe every decision to be taken is a two-sided coin...
both faces charting different routes to the same destination...
one to be walked..t…

:)

saw wake up sid yesternight.
it was beautiful.
i hate the histronics of ranvir kapoor.
konkana sen sharma is too bland for my tastes.

the movie is full of moments.

ones i remember are..

1. the scene where aisha drops a tear..sid for the first tiem saw her cry..she was teh rock for him and he was taken aback..was confused what to do or say.

2. when aisha is pissed that she cannot live up to kabir's expectations..or vice versa..rather blurts it out on sid who makes life perfect for her..she is pissed because it is perfect..because she has nothing to complain about.

3.when aisha walks around the city..alone..free.

4. when sid rushes out with the pan in his hand to show the girls that he fianlly made a perfect 'anda'.

5. the faith chance acquaintance brought on sid that he went to aisha's place directly for a room to stay..and she let him..life and the chance acquaintances are wierd.

6. the flat!!
the office!!
iktara!!!
iktara!!
iktara!!
the boss!!! :P

randon conversation : shit happens 2

bhavika: aap dono same age k nahin hain?

shankar boss: main tujhse 4 saal bada hun

vinobha: oye main '84 december...matlab '85..tu '80 ka hai.

shankar boss: matlab kya? tu fir b '84 ka model hai..december hua to kya..ek ghante k farak me b tu '84 ka model hia..insurance lapse nahin ho jata hai kya?

...silence...

shankar boss: chalo bhai log main chalta hun..

...silence..(he walks out)

bhavika and vinobha: i wont talk to u..

random conversations: shit happens :P

vinobha: oh wo ladki kaun hai
lia: meri friend hai.
vinobha:hmm..
lia: (looks at vinobha)
she is maried..
vinobha: to kya hua?
picture nahin dekhi kya??
darr, anjaam??
..

shankar boss: main b dekhunga..
hmmm...
vinobha:oye teri shadi hogai hai na tu kyun dekhega?
bhavika: picture nahin dekhi kya?
silsila..
kabhi alvida na kehna..
...
(laughter)
...
shankar boss: baazigar!
...
(everybody gets back to work)

random conversations: midnight pillow-talk

[TIME: 1:30 am]

[ scene unfolds: 3 people..dog tired..half asleep...watching BOMBAY(movie) ]

A: bichara bombay kya kya nahin hua is shehar ke sath soch kar bahut kharab lagta hai. bomb-blasts, riots, underworld. kitna sahega.

B: (concerned) haan...

pause..

[last scene of the movie is on..]

A: acha bhaviks tu bata ye aaj kal kaunse shehar me jakar rahega insaan. sala kahin b jao koi na koi problem hai...delhi wahan jab dekho rape hote rehta hai...har second me do rape...

B: oye zyada hogaya...

A:haan matlab 1 minute me ek rape register hota hai..

B:(less concerned) hmm..

A: ab dekh bombay me bahut baarish aaegi to doob jaega...tsunami aaya to wahan strike hua to koi bacha nahin sakta hai...is maamle me delhi safe hai..but ab wo b to eartquake belt me hai.

B: (now listening) haan...

A: aur chennai wo b tsunami aane se doob jaega...wahan baaki cheezon ka torture hai..lungi pehan kar idli dosa khila ke sab lete rahenge...language torture, khana torture, log torture....

B:(looks on)

A:(goes on)...aur ye…

PaTHos

i don't hate life.
but i am keen on getting lost.
it is difficult for me to contain.
like lashing myself...scars, the physical manifestations of the innate ugliness.
pain is excruciating...
i feel stabbed..cut, bruised; i cannot ease.
but i ain't neither, ever.
like the lead up to an orgasm where the senses are heightened but there isn't the relief of the release.
moment when one is supposed to be supremely blissful, one with the Supreme.
bliss in pain.
paradoxical like life.
pain of what i do not know.
pain why i do not know.
i am over-whelmed, surprisingly without a reason...
intoxicated, high without an ounce of weed.




bruise me.
cut me.
let the pain run down as blood.
so that you can heal me.
caress me.
and save me from drowning into oblivion.

mock me.
put me in the spot.
laugh at the jest; the universe's efficient ensemble.
so that you can look me in the eye.
and sing to me.
recite the verses of misery.

push me.
drown me.
flood me with thy philter.
so that when you look away.
and walk out.
I …

smiles carried forward...

The day started out usual. I was late. Burnt the toasts I was supposed to have. Made less coffee than required so couldn't come around to drink it. so made a sandwich out of the burnt toasts, wrapped them in paper, shoved it in my bag, carelessly tied my hair and rushed out...waited for the lift to come up to my floor, rushed back to the flat to check if I hadn't closed the door from the outside...bhaiya was standing at the door and gave me a sheepish smile, I smiled back stupidly (he always brings out the child in me)...

Waited for the auto on the road...waited.
Waited. Period . Still waiting.
After full 10 mins of waiting under the sun I finally got an auto…

Pulled out the cold sandwich struggled with the tissues and my hair and the sandwich and the bumpy ride :(

I am currently reading the alchemy of desire ...I read the conversation the couple has on 'the herbivores’ i smiled.

The auto then struggled in the traffic and I hit my head...I cursed.

There is this eunuch …

random conversation 4: 'it's ok'

me: lolz
her: keep smiling
no nd of to be outcasted na ll
enjoy
dont think everythng too emotionally or too practlly
it ll be cmpltly messed up
me: hmm
life is a pain in the ass...and u are scrwed beacuse u think!!
....
funda
her: rte
it dpnds on u how u tk ur lfe
me: rght
her: if i want to laugh no one can stop
n if i wan to cry no one can stp
it dpnds wat i want
me: :)


(her = the first perfect aeries woman I've met)

these lines are everyday and random..but said when i needed an assurance that it is OK..reminds me of another conversation...

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

.....

"And with the morn those angel faces smile.. Which I have loved long since and lost awhile."

And now I think I have lost touch.
And now I think I haven’t seen much.


I looked for you everywhere
Have I lost you? I haven’t got a clue.
Are you still around the corner?
Oh! How that time flew.


The dark blanket covers my sky.
I stand there and gaze at the moon in sight.
The time did fly, and the night passed by,
I couldn’t get enough but couldn’t really go out and fight.


I walked through the lane,
I saw them sitting on our bench.
I wanted to tell them it was mine.
But I couldn’t; it wasn’t ours and neither was the time.


Time is the thief, notoriously oblivious to the apprehensions it carries,
I laughed and cried, and lived amongst the fairies.
But where is that place where the nun buried;
Buried, her passions, that love and those sweet cherries?


And now I think I have lost touch.
And now I think I haven’t seen much.


(quote by Newman.)