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खोज

गर तुझे ये लगे के तू ज़िंदा है, तो तू है ज़िंदा।
गर ये तेरा सवाल है, तो तू है नही।मुझसे न पूछ तू तेरी तलाश में कहाँ भटके।
तेरे मंज़िल का रास्ता तेरी परिस्थिति के बाध्य नहीं।तू ढूँढ उस आवाज़ को, जो कहे तुझे है अब चलना।
इन पहाड़ों में नहीं, तुझे अपने अन्तः मन में है उसे खोजना।तू निकल अब वहाँ जहाँ जाने की किसी को इजाज़त नहीं।
तू लौट के आ वहां से जिसके बगैर तेरी कोई पहचान नहीं।

...

" keep writing, please?"
" I can't, I need a muse. "
" But you had one, didn't you?"
Well.

your.ghost.

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It's the blaze across my night gown
It's the phone's ring
I think last night (you were in my dreams)
You were driving circles around me





So what I do is, turn off the light. Turn the table lamp on, put my headphones on and blast melancholy music, close my eyes and weep; pretend I am on a sea beach, alone in the middle of the night. feeling sand beneath my feet, smelling the misty-salty winds, feeling my misty salty cheeks. I dance a little-like in a trance, realize what i am doing, laugh at my silliness and lay down.

I come back to my senses the morning after.






Crawling back to you

of favourite things

“Be with me always - take any form - drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I can not live without my life! I can not live without my soul!”


Wuthering Heights. 


a song for my heart.

"What if I fall?"
"Oh my darling...what if you fly!"
-Erin Hanson
pure bliss is when a relationship can be surmised by these two sentences. 

Let your fingers do the talking.

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Have you ever forgotten your ATM pin? I did once. I have had been using the same combination for ages now, so I didn't need to put it now , I had thought I was immune, that I would never forget it. On second thoughts, the thought of forgetting about it never crossed my mind. Like the thought of forgetting  your mother's name never crosses your mind, you never forget it you never put it down somewhere to remember it.
I called up my dad and asked him if he had the original docs and if he could help me with it. He told me it will come to me, to not hasten it. He told me to allow my fingers to remember it, go to the ATMs and try punching in the sequence. I laughed him off at first but my unrelenting trust on my father's way of life  took over and I did it, once/twice a week and one day, it just came to me. 
That was my eureka moment.

We live life like this, being used to things, getting comfortable. Letting our bodies, learn our language. Letting our bodies speak our langu…

forgotten

in anticipated anxiety,
the need to cry. forgotten
alive and awake,
the need to be seen and heard . forgotten
existing, pretending, coaxing, stifling, hiding.
FORGOTTEN.
like a rolling stone I'll walk alongside,
like a vagabond I'll leave you surprised.
a penny for each thought unsaid,
a penny for every memory that fades.
every single penny you earned,
don't forget, that is for every notion I burnt.
in ashes are those memories, those fantasies soot.
every desire famished, every lover moot.
the need to prove yourself myself;
writing in third person. forgotten.

forgotten for what is ever gotten
the desire to make sense. forgotten.

................
I came across this list of cues for poems. I am trying to do all of them..  this is one from the list (Write a poem about Forgetting) 
Maybe by the end of the list, I'll be better =)

tICK-tOCK

How much and how little has the time passed? tick-tock-tick it whiles away.
There is an urgency to live and and urgency to die, but all that is to be done on my sweet time.
Tick-tock-tick it messes with my brain; staring, straying, hounding and barking, forever and ever.

P.S.was sitting in drafts too long, had to be out. incomplete, but there it is.

whatever it takes.

Planning, shielding walking or rafting.
Whatever it takes. 

Finding a sweet spot in your own life where you can comfortably sink in and watch the world go by is difficult. It is not the finding that is difficult, it is, it is difficult, but it is not the only thing that is difficult.
It is also difficult to keep it. 

It is not difficult to keep it because of the obvious reasons, it is difficult to keep because you don't know how to stay in the place. You are not used to doing the right thing; not used to being nice, not used to being happy in the right place at the right time.

You are not used to being happy, not used to being content.

Trying. TRYING.
whatever it takes.