30 Jun 2010

a star and the gray cloud.

him: u could be a star!

her: no.
       i can't shine that bright.
him:depends on who is looking at you...

her:i would rather be the gray cloud...
      you would love me when i come.
       you would drift in the hope i bring.
       you will cry foul when i burst out and destroy you...
       but then again...
       you will wait for me in anticipation of a havoc.
       you will miss me when i am gone


28 Jun 2010

must watch!!

exactly what a person desires complete artistic freedom away from the hassles of how conventional or not it is supposed to be.
 like me talking if asked what i wanted with my life.
no wonder i like him so much.


picture this. you are standing at a place. there. that spot. the world around you is changing. running, walking, sprinting. people bumping into you all the time. but yet you are standing there still, still.
no matter the circumstances, no matter who last called out your name. no matter what you do, how much you do, you are standing there. 
no one cares to budge you. you don't find them enticing enough to let them.
you are still standing there. 
like time has stopped for you and yet at the same moment it stopped light years passed. 
you are still there. standing there. 


25 Jun 2010


is a man singing me poetry,
 a man playing a flute. 
is when i am speechless, when i cannot fight back, when my ego is slashed. 
is when wind blows my hair away from my face.
is riding on my brothers bike and us singing out nonsensical songs aloud. 
is talking to a friend and getting a perspective, a compeletely new line of thought that you could never lay your hands on
is finding out soemthing new about someone you have known for ages and even then it is just in time. 
is waiting for a text message and getting it when you have lost hope. 
is YOU.
is not wanting to wake up from the bed and not feeling guilty about it. 
is being commfortable in your skin
is listening to different versions of your favourite track.
is listening to music and songs so beautiful that you cannot decide which one was better.
is reading someone writing your heart out
is shedding a tear when you kiss.
is finding out that someone is better than you expected.
is people living upto your expectations.
when you can be mad at someone without the fear of losing him/her.

is the capacity of zero expectations.
is ME.

mom calling me, rain from my balcony,my brother, music, poems,watching 3 beautiful tracks back to back, fighting over a scoop of icecream with two spoons,work, work when you are getting better at it, a friend missing you and you find him/her exactly at the same time.

i was all set to start a newer happier blog, a place that was devoid of all the sadness that this place is so laden with, a friend told me that i would squeeze this place off the little happiness it sees...i list out my moments of pure joy here. 

23 Jun 2010

the constant companion

aloneness is  a state of being that does not take in account your circumstances. 
a state of being that you might as well as may have been addicted to, a situation created by you or inflicted upon you or maybe not.

i post, re-post and re-re post my blog entries...sometimes because i hate piling up unread garbage, sometimes because i find myself feeling the same things all over again.....

here is a toast to the constant companion.... 

the above said link is to the blog post of a very dear friend of mine... krish for me, SV for some and Gopal for someone special. And when i read this a few days back it was like he wrote my heart out...

and i added to that...

sometimes i feel lonely when the silence engulfs my shrieks,
sometimes i feel lonely when the only person witness to my life is me.
sometimes i feel lonely when i laugh at an incident that happened long back but cant share that laughter with anyone else.
sometimes i feel lonely when my eyes swell with tears, i hold them back farcing a bold face, 
i feel lonely when i am successful at masking myself.
sometimes i feel lonely when thoughts and feelings fill me, yet go un-noticed. 
 sometimes i feel lonely when i have so much to say yet remain silent. 
i feel lonely when life still goes on. 
sometimes i feel lonely.


22 Jun 2010


"chalo am leaving."
"good bye"
"aaj kal aap mujhe rokte nahin?"

You are the reason to leave.  
I am the reason to stay. 


14 Jun 2010

bataun hain kya aansuon ki haqeeqat;
samjho to sab kuch na samjho to pani

i looked for you everywhere
deep within me. in my soul. my heart. my thoughts.
i looked for a picture of you. i looked for your trace.
i did not find you
a tear drop then formed in my eyes, rolled down kissing my cheeks and died on my lips.

yes there you were. 

you walked the shortest distance.
lived the shortest life.
you still are the teardrop that forms almost every night.
you are the teardrop laden with sighs, laced with a stringy nostalgia.
you are just a teardrop.
you are a teardrop nevertheless.
yes. the teardrop. 



the longing does not satiate
the inability to hold you kills me deep inside.
i haven't tasted your lips but i can feel them on my mouth. 
i haven't tasted your tongue but i can see it slithering inside me. 
to have your arms around me i would kill.

is it lust?
i disagree.
is it not?
  i cannot deny. 

your eyes lingered on my skin...
long enough to make me wet inside.
i bloated and floated at the same time. 
i shrunk and flew at the same time.

i haven't seen you in days it only adds to the delight. 
the sweet pang of being the kill that you left...left in the lurch to die.
agonized with misery, yet i look at myself with envy and pride.
you chose me to fall in the trap...hand-picked before you could have me tried. 

tourtured and tormented with tantalising thoughts of us close.
your eyes hyptonising me, ravaging me, feeling me.
all over me.

you all over me. 

her: "why should i stay in-satiated?
why ain't i allowed the philter?"

him: "what good is satiation?
what good are desires when fulfilled?"


9 Jun 2010

random conversations: what next?

falling in love is ok.
living the romance awesome. 
it is great to want you.
but what happens after i have you?

and to this juggernaut  says:

"falling in love can be compared to climbing the everest.
 all throughout your journey you keep chanting: 
i have to climb it.
i will climb it.
i am climbing it. 
but then when you reach the top, you have no idea what to do next."
sala ab kya?? 


8 Jun 2010

ek shakl hai jo aankhon se hat ti nahin.
ek ehsaas jo adhoora hokar bhi pura hai.
ek khamosh main hun. 
ek khamosh se tum.

khamosh tum me, main apna geet dhundhti.
khamosh khud me, tumhara aks. 



me in your rear-view mirror
me in the reflection of your guitar
you in me. 


3 Jun 2010


there is this monotonous song on your background, through the day; irrespective of the fact that you are asleep or awake, studying or whiling away time. 
and it does not really matter.
there is this sinking feeling, that is in contrast with the random smiles. 
there is an absence that is felt without even countering the presence. 
you miss somethign that you do not even know.
but it does not matter.
where hours go by, without having spoken a word, when days go by without having tidied the sheets.
but it does not matter.
where it does not make a dime's difference when you are undressed/under-dressed/overdressed.
and it does not matter 
when you are alive and dead at the same time,
yet again does not make a difference.

when you don't know how the day ends, but each second passed is etched painfully in your mind like on stone.
when you are so lonely that you can witness silence even in loud cheer. 
when even you don't even speak to yourself. 


1 Jun 2010

sham tanha si lage

roothe naina, mohe na chaina...
kya haalat hai meri main kaise kahun.
tere aane se, tere jaane se...
main adhura reh gaya.

-sham tanha, agnee