Woke up a balmy afternoon
Saw the breezy blue sea.
Black boats dotted in the blue lagoon.
Just right...aah fantasy!!.
Surfers galore.
But not a sound they made.
Striking coast guard loitering about.
Enchanted by the sea?
Suddenly he looks at me.
Yells out loud.
All of a sudden, all so old?
Sea turns black, boats turn white.
Surfers transferred into uniforms…
Lagoon is gone it is the good old black board.

Comments

  1. It should be black boats dotting the blue lagoon..small errors like this often change the meaning..it was very very sweet...but i felt exactly when it was taking a nice shape u deliberately made it funny and look stupid...smiling...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Just right for fantasy...but won't you name the poem?

    I just feel the end took over sooner than expected...otherwise nicely thought of.

    ReplyDelete
  3. why the anticlimax? not that its bad.. but yeahh the words were beginning to take shape to mean something far more grave and "real" and in the end.. it kinda turned out to be bordering slightly on the jocular tone.

    or is it that am messing the tone all up?

    ReplyDelete
  4. What in the world is wrong with you girlie?

    You do realize don't you that most of us spend nameless lives...drowned in a blur of vulnerability and ignominy...

    STILL...i insist you see the up-side of it...

    Life isn't all about fighting your inner chaos you know

    So relax and smiiiillleee :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. this poem wasnt innerchaos...was rather the most "lite" poem..
    i would rather u not be anonymous..
    thnks for the care shown.
    p.s.gimme u r name plz/.

    ReplyDelete
  6. pengi...no no...that is not just a weird noise nose makes, it really is my name

    i was infact talking about the previously written poems, some of them seemed particularly sad...anyway its your blog right? write what ever you please
    tc

    ReplyDelete

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