And this week comes to a close.
One day can teach you many things, and I learnt through the week.
This week taught me more than I could keep pace with.
I had a panic attack (or so I call it) which was the fallout from bad performance at work, losing people over misunderstandings, the feeling of inadequacy, the tally between 'what could have been- what should have been- what is now', the volcanic eruption of everything that I had bottled up inside of me (read as a whole lotta crap). I lived for an entire day with a nagging feeling of uneasiness coupled with a strange fear that I am going to burst into flames any moment now, and I was literally trying to save myself from falling (and yes not to mention the falling in a moving bus and the conductor saving me and pointing out the seat that remained unoccupied coz I was preoccupied, yes I was not hurt, save a non-existential scratch on the wrist).
I was on a spree looking for ego-boosters and trying to be invisible both at the same time.
I was saved (and no I am not being melodramatic by using this word “saved” is the right term) by this one long chat with a friend, who without even asking for directions showed me a better way out.
“ you know what, you are not perfect, in fact no one is, but there is nothing wrong with it. If given a chance again to be anyone you can be, be yourself “
"you are the person who rates yourself, prepares the performance card shows to yourself and the world."
And why am I saying this? because if you, YOU who is reading this is feeling down or are blued out or are having a panic attack or are making merry with friends (but then if that is the case why would you be reading me?) and/or having a good time this is for you too. You may be special for some one who you might not even remember, someone may be looking upto you. someone who is a friend when you need a friend the most and just appears from the blue wants you to be you.
Anyways this brings me to the realizations:
1. Girlfriends are EXTREMELY essential (for girls in the strictest platonic-friendship way). Nothing equals to sharing coffee at the beach after work at the end of an excruciating week with an old friend who does not bitch/complain/judge/argue/philosophize and just lets you be and is herself.
2. The ‘I-AM-ALWAYS-RIGHT’ philosophy is wrong. Don’t practice it, don’t put up with it. Its like smoking a cigarette, suicide and homicide in one go.
3. The stress buster: smile at total strangers. The auto-wala, the woman struggling to get her way out of the bus, the conductor who haggles with you for change, the woman looking at you from the mirror. Smile and it is magic.
4. Housewives are the hardest, most-est HARDEST-est working people in the human history, atleast my mother is. (1 month of cooking, looking after dad, packing the dabba, taking care of the 'subah-raashan-khatm-hogaya', 'bai-nahin-aai' dilemmas I will fight with any man/woman who says that housewives have it easy)
5. Unlearning is difficult. Don’t settle for anything less, ever; if something is curbing your thoughts, creativity, putting you in a box don’t settle for it. Because this causes a lot of damage. You know your capabilities don’t let anyone make you underperform, you might not be able to rise (/or have difficulty rising when the opportunity strikes).
that is that.
take care folks, keep smiling.