Chapter 1|Control
I like a
clean house. Everything kept in its designated place, appropriate or otherwise.
I am a cleanliness freak. Yes.
No. I am a control freak. I like to control everything around me, a lesson learnt from the past, where I simply allowed things to happen. Today, I want to know what is where; how and why it got there. Everything I have ever lost has cost me sleepless nights.
If I break something, I should be the one to
blame, not otherwise.
If I lose
someone I should know I had it coming.
I am a
human after all, there is only so much I can do. Of course , there are days
when I let go, only if very briefly,
where I let the winds blow stuff away, sitting there appreciating the fury that
is so much stronger than I am.
There are some
days when Che decides to take over and mess everything up, I get defensive and try
and take things in my hand, these are days when I fight with him, following him
and picking up stuff after him. I hardly ever lose, but I like him winning
more, I enjoy the days I let Che win over me.
Chapter 2|Him
I got back in touch with a friend recently (and lost touch, again).We spoke about Him and life and love in general. I told him
how furious I got when Muse identified himself and explained his stance to me, isn't
it obvious after all these years and my God like personification of Him, that he
isn't what I am obsessing about? It is,always was, Him which is given skins and bones by
me
We got talking about the abstract and reality. How passion
in abstract is so different from the reality. How reality is not half as
fulfilling as abstract is. I experimented by trying to add tangibility to the abstract, turns
out it is not a good idea.
I am not crazy, it is just that this feeling needs to be fleshed
out more to be put into words. But then, it would cease to be abstract, no?
I hate Serif fonts.
