I like a clean house. Everything kept in its designated place, appropriate or otherwise. I am a cleanliness freak. Yes.
No. I am a control freak. I like to control everything around me, a lesson learnt from the past, where I simply allowed things to happen. Today, I want to know what is where; how and why it got there. Everything I have ever lost has cost me sleepless nights.
If I break something, I should be the one to blame, not otherwise.
If I lose someone I should know I had it coming.
I am a human after all, there is only so much I can do. Of course , there are days when I let go, only if very briefly, where I let the winds blow stuff away, sitting there appreciating the fury that is so much stronger than I am.
There are some days when Che decides to take over and mess everything up, I get defensive and try and take things in my hand, these are days when I fight with him, following him and picking up stuff after him. I hardly ever lose, but I like him winning more, I enjoy the days I let Che win over me.
I got back in touch with a friend recently (and lost touch, again).We spoke about Him and life and love in general. I told him how furious I got when Muse identified himself and explained his stance to me, isn't it obvious after all these years and my God like personification of Him, that he isn't what I am obsessing about? It is,always was, Him which is given skins and bones by me
We got talking about the abstract and reality. How passion in abstract is so different from the reality. How reality is not half as fulfilling as abstract is. I experimented by trying to add tangibility to the abstract, turns out it is not a good idea.
I am not crazy, it is just that this feeling needs to be fleshed out more to be put into words. But then, it would cease to be abstract, no?
I hate Serif fonts.