21 Jan 2012

bOObs DON'T talk.

Where do you look when you speak to a lady? (Lady = me)
You look in her eyes, not look too intently (unless you have specific intensions) but specially, especially NOT HER BOOBS. For the simple fact that the tits DO NOT SPEAK, or for that matter they don’t even listen to what you are saying ( and when you are boring the shit out of me even I am not listening to you).
This well dressed, very annoying friend (though have to really consider calling him that again) sat across me as we met after 2 years. I expected pleasantries, but he was the businessman who came in with three proposals to give my sagging career a welcome break. Not that I need it (not that the career is not thanda but ‘coz I decide the pace) but I appreciate that he considered me for that particular bore-karo-session.

And then he started talking. My boobs suddenly seemed like the North Pole and his eyes the arrow of the compass that kept pointing to them.

I ignored it (I am attractive enough to understand that =P)

Then I waved my hand (I wanted to subtly tell him that I am noticing)

Then I asked him to talk to ME.

Still he kept doing it, I rushed through the dinner and finished the early dinner earlier than intended.

I have a lot of guy friends and no one does that, or maybe they are too subtle ( or maybe they consider me a dude =|) it is not exactly such a wrong thing to do, I mean you look at my eyes, you look at my boobs, what is the big difference right? But you won’t eat with your nose or breathe with your palms right? So when you are talking to me use the right body parts, when you are perv-ing use the right ones.  

The other problem was, I realized that even when he was addressing the boobs, he was making perfect sense, like he was looking at another wall. Come on. Really? If you are looking at something that is so attractive that you are getting distracted, get distracted sahi se.

This made me realize three things:

One that my face is not half as attractive as my boobs (which were not even highlighted I mean I was wearing a very loose kurta style shirt) and the second that the boobs were not even attractive enough for him to mince words.
(neither of the above make sense coz I have very pretty eyes and I can get people to vouch for it, no really) (and no, am not going to justify the second observation. =|)

The third was this was the fact that this is not making me uncomfortable but confusing me so there should be something fundamentally wrong with me. 

In short I had a not too interesting Saturday evening.


And all you guys reading this : BOOBS DON’T TALK.


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  2. Totally floored by the north pole analogy :P Got reminded of that episode in the Friends TV series in the first season. You should be proud of your assests :D. Not many attract that kind of attention :)

    Your post kind of integrates in the grand scheme of things unfolding in front of my eyes. Sadly though. The girl I have been seeing, for a better part of last decade, has been diagnosed with breast cancer today, and here you are, writing about 'them' :) Coincidence ? Maybe.

    I asked one of my female friend once- Do you know when someone looks at them while talking to you ? She said," it is as if I can feel the heat there with my eyes closed" :P Fascinating it is, to science guys like me :D From that day forth I made amends in the way I communicate with your species :)

  3. Good god! It is indeed horrible when men can not help it. If someone is subtle, it is still acceptable as it can be considered a compliment however going overboard is utter nonsense.

    I liked the north pole analogy too :)

  4. well sure they do ,,,, booobs talk ,,,!!! you gotta be a guy to listen to them ,,,,!!loll
    besides for all you know that poor guy must have meen squintd or kana or something you .know.. he was probably loooking at your eyes and u cud feel like he was looking at your breasts thats the onli perfect logical explaination ,,,,!!!other wise you cant make sense while staring at boobs tat is true ,,,,!!!
    just a question tat i have always wanted to ask a gal should we address them as boobs or breasts /... wat is less annoying to gals ?? boobs or breasts ...!!??

  5. Vagabond,

    What a way to spend Saturday evening! It may be he found it too intense to look into your eyes while speaking so he just was averting his gaze downward which you took as looking at your breasts. I know at young age men do give appreciative look but to keep ogling is criminal. I agree that while discussing something important eye contact is important.

    Take care

  6. haha great sermon.. hope they who need to be told hear and imbibe..
    and i loved the three take aways.. cheers

  7. my god-i wonder about the poor men now post this when i am left with wondering so much about your boobs now!:/

  8. Mishraaji like Chintan said when it is subtle it is a compliment, and VERY awkward otherwise. I hope your friend is doing well.

    Amn ask your girl she might have the correct answer for you.

    Jack =) you see the positive in everything. It happened for the first time when I felt awkward otherwise it is always the other way around =P

    Pygmalion =D

    oye! Suruchi I was looking forward to your comment on this one and look what you said.

  9. thanks for the hearty laugh :P

  10. Did u double check if he wasn't squint-eyed?