and there goes my 201st post.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

stuck in the middle. Asking for directions?

Cuz' whose to worry if our hearts get torn

When that hurt gets thrown

Don't you notice life goes on

selfishness?
honesty?

how much should a person be honesT?

how much selfishness is enough,required?

Krish once told me selfishness should either be a 100% or  a complete 0%

i was compltely lost when i asked him...how much selfishness is ok enough to  let by?

he said you are answerable to yourself.

so when you actually want to do something do it.

when you do not want to do it and you do it out of gratitude, or for the fact  that the  person will feel bad do not do it. you'd stress yourself out.

do it if you are a mahatma and are actually liking what you are doing. 

do not , ever be in the middle.

it should always be in the extremes, absolute. a total 0% or a total 100%.

i am lost. am stuck in the middle.
am in a soup because i am brutally honest but after doing that  i cant walk out.

i stay back and sympathise and stay back and reflect over the bluntness i have shown.

i am numb but i say selfish direct things and then lament.

i cannot walk out like nothing happend, i cant help but stay back and look at the face of the assasin, look back and see not hurt or anger but a look that is of shock... the how-could-you-of-all-people-do-it-look.

i am sick of working on, building, working over, smashing into, not getting upto, not living upto expectations. 

i am sick of people having expectations from me.

i am sick of not living upto them .

i am sick of all the smothering .   

i am tired of being the third person and living like a spectator of my life.

i cant get a hold onto to it.

it is running beserk without aim, away away away.

i am running into it...running away from something?

running towards something i do not know. 

i see a vast green field with loads of fruit trees, a huge red kite and a blue sky, the kite just broke off from the string, i am running after it to catch it. i run run run away far into the field, and the field is endless. there is no end to it. 

no beggining no end.

and when i finally look around i find myself lost in the green field.

which looks exactly like the one i was flying my kite in, but now i am not sure if it is the same one. 

honey now if I'm honest 

I still don't know what love is 

Another mirage folds into the the haze of time recalled

And now the floodgates cannot hold

All my sorrow all my rage

A tear drop that falls on every page

I'm sick of hearing my own lies
And love's a raven when it flies

Meet me on the otherside




oh bluebird come sing again

romance

love the ad!

i miss it

as you grow up you gain so much. gain experience, the tact of dealing wiht people. you learn facts and facets of your life and those of others. you gain a deeper understanding in to the complexitites of relationships. rather you are amazed at the different startas where realtionships stand. there are bizzare relationships. there are complicated realtionships. there are relationships whose only stnading point is the fact they thrive on silence. there are relationships that have two people talking so much that there is no silence between them as if afraid that silence is goint ot bring in barriers, create space for awkward questions to be asked.
there are relationships that have no room for questions and there are others that have no need for questions between them.
yes, i have had bizzare relationships.
weird ones, with people that have known and shown me different facets of me.
some showed me my place, some played along and still stay etched.
but yet, in spite of all this i miss being a child.
yes, today i miss being a child.

i miss not thinking twice before calling up somone. 
i miss returning calls,smses. 
i miss people shreiking at me when i do not. 
i miss having a friend. 
i miss being a friend.

i miss not acting like a cynic, 

i miss not reading too deep into lines that may or not mean all that i am looking into. 

i miss blushing and not regretting me acting like a child. 
i miss being the special one

i miss acting all stupid and not actually knowing that i did act stupid. 

i miss going up to a guy with a class filled up with people and sob and say sorry.
i miss having that strength. 

i miss the trust that i had that i wont be snubbed. 

i miss being snubbed like that and yet trying again. 

i miss being a child.

i miss it. 


...............
photo from another awesome blog spot here

scrubbed clean

you know you are face to face with the biggest failure in life when you take your defences, close your eyes to something you know is happening right under your nose, and then are treated like a pushover. it like letting them treat you like one. 

realisation 1: if you are have been fucked in life before and that turned you into a cynic, STAY. don't let anyone else teach you anything otherwise. 

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on

the Wednesday. happy or otherwise. a beautiful Wednesday.

the coward's tale

i write a lot about love, about the rains. yes.
but i am at loss to comprehending how much i love the two. love  the notion of 'LOVE' and love the 'rains'!


yes, i am the coward. i would gladly love 'LOVE' but i do not have the courage to face the repercussions, the angst the pain that is often accompanied with it...no, wrong choice of words, that is 'ALWAYS' accompanied with that.
yes, i am the coward. i would gladly love 'rains'. i will get drenched in the rains and come back home and make a face when i have to change from the drenched jeans.
yes.

i am sick of being the coward i am.
 i am.
but yes, i will go out today, get wet and complain again.
i will fall in love, let the person know and then and fool myself about him loving me back the same...
i'd just fool myself into believing he does, i'd just fool myself, telling that it is not that bad...
i'd miss him and then fool myself into believing that he does that the same.

i am sick of being the coward i am.
i am.

but yes i will go out today, get wet and complain again. 

no it is not love
it is just a tingling feeling when my toes rub yours
no it is not love
it is just the wind that gives me the goosebumps
no it is not love
it is just the sound of music.
no it is not love
it is just me, it is just plain old you.
no it is not love.
it is just a soft silken scarf.
no it is not love
it is just that i tasted the best food.
no it is not love
i just hopped instead of walking.
no it not love
it is just the rain.
no it is not love.
no.


is it?

take this sinking boat and point it home we've still got time

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

cannot get enough of these guys

Tonight, we're the sea and the salty breeze
the milk from your breast is on my lips
and lovelier words from your mouth to me
when salty my sweat and fingertips
Our hands they seek the end of afternoon
My hands believe and move over you
Tonight, we're the sea and
the rhythm there
the waves and the wind and night is black
tonight we're the scent of your
long black hair
spread out like your breath
across my back
Your hands they move like waves over me
beneath the moon, tonight, we're the sea

..................

a beautiful comment on youtube for the song said:

"Imagine a dark night with two shapeless souls       dancing in the moonlight to the symphony known as love. The souls seep sweat and drops of passion as they slide past each other over and over again. The wind wraps them like a cool blanket as they draw ever closer. Plump bossoms collide with with hard skin and heartbeats pulsate like drums. As the grip ever tightens....then loosens in fell motion. The whispering souls slide into pillow sheets as the moonlight dances with the wind over their bodies"

.

from the 'Dead Poet's Society'

John Keating: We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? 


..................


John Keating: Now we all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go,
[imitating a goat]
John Keating: "that's baaaaad." Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

-------/--\--------

the flirt

the underplayed people/time/resource management havens 

sadly not too hard to get addicted to, not too hard to get de-addicted

The worst thing to happen in life is to realize and recognize unattainable perfection...nothing else then lives up to it.