I can only smile.. for this deja vu. I was the snotty-miss-cranky-pants at college, who was kinda black listed as the mean snob just cz I spoke my mind. 3 years into that I realised its no use. So I shutup and sat back, stopped going there only when necessary or I wanted to, cut myself off from the jerks and jackasses. I still remained a snob, but atleast I had my peace of mind.Thesis saw me thru breakups, deaths and abysmal depression and the knowledge that no matter how much I slog it out, they will grade they way they perceive me, so didnt give a rats ass about any of it. I passed. Somehow. Though I knew I would.Sometimes you are let down by those people who you think know you the best and will never hurt you, and only then you realize the only thing that matters is being yourself. That you should never ever bend yourself to customize your true self as per somebody's idea of perfect. Because no matter what they will break your heart, and you are left stranded of the concept of you that once was, staring at the face of what you have made of yourself who you have no idea about.And from one cynic to another, remember to tell yourself. I am contorted, mindfckd, and all the nasty things they say, I am all that, yes. I am me, and I am beautiful. kudos on getting outta that hell hole.
i love you. i have learnt to use the words sparingly now, like i'd say the F word more openly and easily than these words, but i mean them . u described exactly what i feel. it was the nastiest hell hole and yes they still grade you only according to the perception. i loved the last line. yes, i will say that to myself everyday now. =)i am always let down by people. i just never learn. i hate that about me. but that makes me stronger each time maybe. yeah. i just don't/can't cry anymore. i think i will pass too, but well lets see. i think the years ahead wont be too bad. lets see what happens.