alon-ness.

there is this monotonous song on your background, through the day; irrespective of the fact that you are asleep or awake, studying or whiling away time. 
and it does not really matter.
there is this sinking feeling, that is in contrast with the random smiles. 
there is an absence that is felt without even countering the presence. 
you miss somethign that you do not even know.
but it does not matter.
where hours go by, without having spoken a word, when days go by without having tidied the sheets.
but it does not matter.
where it does not make a dime's difference when you are undressed/under-dressed/overdressed.
and it does not matter 
when you are alive and dead at the same time,
yet again does not make a difference.

when you don't know how the day ends, but each second passed is etched painfully in your mind like on stone.
when you are so lonely that you can witness silence even in loud cheer. 
when even you don't even speak to yourself. 


-------/--\--------

Comments

  1. alive and dead at the same time..yeah may be that's it!

    wanna give u a high 5..very well written :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. IT Reminded me of CORRS song

    And it really doesn't matter that we don't eat
    And it really doesn't matter if we never sleep
    No it really doesn't matter, really doesn't matter at all
    Coz we are so young now, we are so young, so young now
    And when tommorow comes, we can do it all again :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. There will be cherry books,
    and then there will be flowers by the bed,
    there will be the sun trying to peer in,
    and then there will be the crispy breeze.

    But all you know is its an empty room.
    I have known loneliness much too close,
    and a little too much.
    I have sat and laughed with it at me,
    watching how I fell into the abyss so dark, so fast....

    Ignorance sure is bliss.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @wildflower: yes dead and alive at the same time. the same bloody time. i wish i could not write this.

    @mr.happy: nice song that!! =)

    @pallavini di: i love that piece!!

    it is a gray room.
    a gray song and a gray mood.

    i agree ignorance is bliss...not knowing how much it kills is bliss. but the worst part is knowing that you are drowning and still putting up a face.

    ReplyDelete
  5. **you miss something that you do not even know.

    ohhh i know that feelin

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Vb
    So relate to the sinking feeling in contrast to the random smiles!
    Story of our lives!
    Oxymorons all of us...that’s what we are!
    And you so well described the pull we feel between two contrasts!
    Making us never really here or never really there!
    *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  7. suruchi...there are somethings that i wish i was never able to do...this being one.

    ReplyDelete

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