new year resolution!

random conversations: the dazzler on the street!

long since i last posted a conversation.

all right this happened this morning. me, bhupi and mum  in the car.

............

background: my mom has an innate knack of describing things.

(effect lost in translation) 

she saw a girl on her scooty at the traffic signal. 

she looked at her and then turned around and said.

mom: [makes a face] look at the girl on the scooty.

         gawd she has a chain in her back pocket with three stars dangling, they are shining!!(under the sun)

        

   (and as you look at it how very scientific...stars under the sun...shining due to the light reflected...hmmm ohk back to the convo)

bhupi and me look at the girl.

moi: whoa a dazzling bum!!

laughter!!! (me and mum)
silence...

bhupi:[looking at us] he ru(a)m!!!!!(pathetic attempt to make it rhyme)

 i see stars under the sun,

a babe on move...

i see long walls with doors,

i see cheese on the moon.

blah!! who said i have to make sense =|

-------/--\--------

oh, the time that was!

i want that time back when music channels played music more than played bitching-behind-your-backs reality shows.

i want that time back when aggression was not the most obvious reaction.

i want that time back when i could listen to a shitty sad song and relate to it.

i want that time back when i had hand fights with my brother, verbal assaults with my mother and then by the night came a full round of jokes and laughter.

i want that time back when i studied for grades rather than for career.

i want that time back when i could pass hating my relatives.

i want that time back when i didn't have to do things because i was responsible.

i want that time back when if i left a tap open i wasn't called irresponsible.

i want that time back when even if i was the elder sister i was still young.

i want that time back when  i didn't know what the f* word was.

i want that time back when i didn't mind when parents acted like parents.

i wan that time back when i wasn't  a snob.

i want that time back when if i cried i wasn't called an emotional fool.

i want that time back when i cried.
i want that time back when i cared.
i want that time back when i loved.


oh and did i mention:

i want that time back a good fifteen years from now =P

-------/--\--------

THE FAIRY TALE BASTARDS.

WAKE UP TO REALITY.

SHUT UP BE SILENT.

REALIZE: YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO SPEAK.

LISTEN. 

LISTEN TO PEOPLE GATHERING FORCES AGAINST YOU.

SHUT UP AND LISTEN.

NO-ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU.

THERE IS NO-BODY WHO LOVES YOU ENOUGH. 

THEIR SELFISH MOTIVES INVOLVING YOUR PROTECTION.

EVERYBODY IS RIGHT ON THEIR OWN STANDS.

EVERYBODY STANDS AND LOOKS AT YOU.

EVERYBODY JUST BLOODY STARES.

YOU ARE IN THE SPOT.

YOU ARE ON THE SPOT.

YOU ARE THE DECORATED PIECE OF SHIT.

THE GARBAGE READY TO  BE SHOVED OFF, SHOVED AWAY.

THERE ARE NO FAIRIES.

THERE ARE NO HAPPY ENDINGS.

THERE ARE NO DESIRES,WISHES.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WITH THE RIGHT TO SCREW YOU.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SCREW YOU.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOOK AT YOU GETTING SCREWED, ALL THEY MUSTER IS:

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP".

WAKE UP.
THERE ARE NO DREAMS.

     -------/--\--------

25 random things on 25th december ho! ho! ho!

i have been tagged!! =)

the person who tagged me: dranz3r.

alright i write here 25 random things (well it is pretty much random here anyways =P)

1. this is my first tag.

2. it is christmas.

3. i love this time of the year but i am too cynical to believe in santa claus. just like i am too cynical to believe that i will be rewarded if i do something good and get away with something wrong i do, thus the difficulty of me being good =| but i am scared of ghosts/spitrts and avoid watching horror flicks =|

4. as a continuation of the above i slept with my parents for a whole week after i saw RGV's "Bhoot". =/

5. my back hurts when i laugh unlike the belly-aches most people have when they laugh. i am all turned around eh!

6. i fell in and out of love in a single day =P  i fall in love with things at random...all the time =)

7. i use smilies incessantly.=|

8. i just checked dranz3r's blog to see if everything has to be about me or not =P

9. i once worked 18th hours at  a stretch for a submission and finished 3 movies from start to finish, i heard those movies though...i generally listen to movies when i am tired of melody...yeah happens at times.

i know the dialogues of DIL TO PAGAL HAI by heart =P

10. i tend to start finding reasons to hate people whom i love the most. loose friends for that reason all the time. weird =(

11. i havn't seen the season finale of FRIENDS till date...it is not over for me yet. =)

12. the first things: i notice in a man the lips,the hands and the eyes.

      the perfect combination of three: josh hartnett.

13. i hate all things over-hyped.

14. peter piper picked a pack of pickeled pepper. did peter piper pick a peck pf pickeled pepper. if peter piper picked  a peck of pickeled pepper. where is the peck of pickeled pepper that peter piper picked.

15. if there was no other dino in godzilla how did she manage to lay eggs?

16. why do t.v. celebs cry all the time? it makes me seem so heartless.

17. why do hindi news anchors not join the gang making t.v. soaps? beta news me koi kam drama thodi hota hai...kal aaj tak ka special telecast nahin dekha?"

18. i hate strawberry ice-cream and the colour pink.

i bought a pair of bubblegum sandals with pink soles and i am in love with them.

weird =/

19. i am running out of things to write!!!

20. i identify with male cartoon characters...i am bear a close resemblance to garfield.

     yes pankaj i am a girl =P

21. i hated chemistry in school and the teacher hated me as well. when i visited school last year at the reunion he came up to me and said you really gave me a hard time but i was one of the very few people in the batch whose name he could remember =P

22. i have changed 4 schools in total and was the principal' s pet in 3 of them. the teachers always found reasons to hate me though =P

23. i get used to things pretty quick. i get over things pretty quick.

but i dont get used to people at all and worse cant get over very soon. =(

24. my favourite t-shirt has 5 tiny holes which i refuse to let go and still continue wearing it at home. =)

25. it is 12:52am and the date is 25th december.

alright now, your turn if you've survived this long. anyone who reads it is tagged. gosh like i am cursing people like dranz3r said.."i'll be checking =D"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! 

 bored? refer the image above.

the constant monologue: i talk myself to sleep.

the recent news where a mom twitted about her son's death attracted fury,concern and sympathy in equal measure.
in my core group it evoked pity, for her and a time for reality check for ourselves.
all this sounds so cliche' technology has taken us away from people and is like all cliche's so true.
this generation of us, of self-proclaimed self professed intellectuals/geeks constantly on the network,looking for people looking for the likes.
i have been constantly complained to of being unconcerned or less concerned about people around me. i am called the silent types, but i chat away,blog away to glory all the while.

my friends are on my computer

it is a sad situation.
and the more saddening part is i am blogging about my concerns about blogging.

a friend of mine clarifies and i quote:
"I blog about things i wouldn't tell anyone 'coz i know they wouldn't be bothered(and in turn finding people who can relate to it)"

reason enough for now =|

intrestingly

a visit to a 'crafts mela' and i am wondering.

1. paper flowers last more, sell more, cost less. they don't wither and die, they last as long as you want them to...the typical sasta sundar mazboot ...they don't leave you, they don't wither and die, is that why they fail to attract as much as a bunch of fresh lilies or sunflowers?
so all good things are good because they come with a limited time period. a city on a holiday looks great,feels great, you tend to explore it more in 10 days than people staying there do in years.
really?

2. a sai temple where the evening 'aarti' is going on, and the chai-cum-paan shop right next to it a lane dividing them...both the places packed with people...people clapping...one on the beats of the 'aarti'  the other on a 'sixer' by someone in blue...
different people,different religions,different gods.


another interesting picture i came along.

later.

here and there

night. silent. dark.
the target set...eyes fixed on the bleak light at a distance.
the bleak lights on doorways to a wonderland,the land of an eternal light...
the land of endless possibilities...the land where desires are fulfilled...
dreams are turning into reality. the moment of redemption is near. the breaths are fast. steps slow but more surer....reach for the handle....

aaaaa mooosssaaaa
hush
 
ENOUGH OFF TO BED RIGHT NOW

the dragon lady wakes up denying the only pleasure a 5 year old and a 7 year old recognize...the ice-cream

ab batao...tummy ki sune k mummy ki

...................................................................................

P.S.1: i just love that line in that irritating ad =P
P.S.2: complete fiction...bleak lights on the refrigerator btw.
P.S.3: don't mind the pretty-less-thought-given-and-complete-lack-of-mindfulness or the stupidity of the post i am too scared of another writers block.
..................................................................

joblessness kills.not you but the people around.
my mother (who is a workaholic house-wife ) asked me to find  a job for myself after my second nap just before lunch...laze just never found its rightful place under the sun.

whtevr..

a lazy morning.
a lazy afternoon.
a lazy evening
and a late night.

pretty much sums up life. =|
yeah so with no inspiration and nothing happening in life worth writing about i thought of writing a 55 fiction.
(probably this is the way a blogger turns into a writer hi hi)

[two people on the street silence]

"You know you are annoying."

"No, I am not. You are."                                          

"You wish...You are."

"NO"

"aha?"

"alright peace"

"No, i think you are right. I am sorry."

[silence]

"You know what, I agree"

[silence]

"You know YOU ARE ANNOYING."

[silence]

redemption

redeem me please, redeem from my clutches;

free me from the angst.

leave me to die alone;

but don't lurch in the dark.

come out in the open;
come clean upon my face.
i have nothing to offer you.
i have been hiding, been invisible for fate.

all i have on me is, the over-whelming alone-ness and a little disgrace.

a little story i finished writing , a little story that spoke of me;
with your profound essence, a little wary of your being.
wont you sing me the lullaby, oh! sing to me please;
sing to me as i drift, away; away into sleep.

all in a morning's work =)

it's a bizzare morning.

dying already =|
i am reading TUESDAYs WITH MORRIE nowadays (close to completion now) and was catching up an early morning broadcast of  THE BUCKET LIST (movie) on HBO. both involve old men in the last days of their life. well it was ironical 'coz i woke up in the morning running a temperature and a runny nose and all through the movie i was in a blanket, a sweater on me sneezing and coughing. i realized the irony of it after movie was over and i got rid of the sweater and the mess in the room rearranged the furniture and got a grip  =|

It is nice to not know about some-things and let you mom explain them to you =)
My mom is a share-enthusiast or whatever they are called. i am a big zero in the totality. she constantly discusses the share market with my brother. who supposedly understands and nods. I DON'T. yeah, i am ignorant and my mom takes great pleasure in talking about it in my presence.
i secretly love it. she likes the fact there still are certain things that she can teach me.
[ i cant learn cooking from her. we have completely different procedures of almost everything].

it is nice to not-know about some-things and let your mom explain them  to you =)


yeah, not to forget i also saw a bull fight this morning =P

and its just about noon.

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

i am the father. yes.
i feel proud when my son recites the poem he recited on the stage in his annual function.

i am the father.
i love my daughter.
i love to see her dance.  dance away.

                            
i am the father.
i look into my wife's eyes when she describes the time when my son said something mature for the first time, when my daughter wrote her name for the first time. while i was away...

i am the father.
i try and look into her eyes for the magic of that moment i missed.
through my reading glasses i see her smile.beaming at her children.
                          
i am the father.
i am the person who leads the way, who walks alone.
who stands behind the camera capturing each moment spent.


i am the father.
i am the person who is the silent lover, while the mother takes the accolades.
who lives through the nine months wait; dotingly besides the lady on the bed.

i am the father.
my eyes swell with proud tears that is why i look away;
knowing at that exact moment i am complete.

i am the father, yes.

can nor cannot want you...

sms 1 [from Y to X]: "she hugged me yesterday and i dint feel a thing.."
sms 2 [from X to Y]: hmm.

does she look you in the eye and tell you how you feel?
does she know You are for real?
does she feel warm and secure in your embrace?
does she feel the fondness in your gaze?

or do you?

do you think of me when she looks at you knowingly?
am i around when the laughter rings clear?
am i there when the smile starts in your lips...am i at the coffee house?
am i there when  you look in her eyes...do you search for me in the mist of her eyes?

did you buy it...or found it lying around?

did you put in your pocket or  tucked somewhere in you....somewhere deep down?

am i lost or am i loosing you?

-----------------------------------

[i was suggested by someone that i write  a P.S. footer for better understanding of the posts..here goes]

P.S.: X and Y were in love. now they seem to be moving on, away from each other after a breakup. X informs Y of a new girl....

FINALLY

"where everyone knows your name...."

coming home....