hala ka ukulele, momma made a baby

there are so many things in life that are beautifully described by Calvin-Hobbes.

like so many respectable people who are the talk of the town, who take up hours of prime time discussion on the very respectable 'news' channels. need exactly what Calvin here is selling. 

( it will be the dream job!!)

and i wrote a small letter to Mr. Bill Watterson,

Dear Mr. Bill,

thank you for Calvin and Hobbes.

thank you for telling us that intelligence is not the property of the self-professed-intellectuals.

it is inherent, innate.

it is a true genius who 'is', and is happy to 'be'.

thanks for telling us that it is always better to look at life with a little wacky point of view.

thank you for telling us that Hobbes being life like for Calvin is just as true as it being a stuffed toy for his parents.

love,

loads of it,

all Calvin and Hobbes fans.

and hooked to THIS track!!
(just in case you are wondering about the title)

and in the depths of winter i realized within me lay an invincible summer. 

not anyone you know.

i have been mulling over this and i think calling myself Vagabond is not exactly right.
Vagabond was a name that struck me and stuck to me due to THIS amazing poem by R.L.Stevenson.
i am in love with the poem and the message.

but of late i think i have become a person who does not live up to life.
someone who is not living up to the promises made to self, to others, pining for, looking for things that seem/are distant, hanging in-between, a Vagabond does not, it marches ahead, is comfortable with the today as much as with the yesterdays and tomorrows. i am not and i chose this.

i am more of a *gullible cynic*, yes i know, a paradox in its own way.
i just do not know myself anymore, do not know anyone who knows me or wants to.
i am just the puddle in the rain, who is special and beautiful only at times.
just like someone you don't know.
just *nOt anyone you know*

*is mod se jaate hain, kuch sust kadam raste, kuch tez kadam raahen*

wouldn't you ask if i wanted to hold you?
wouldn't you come when i want you?
won't i have conversations as i watch the sunrise?
can i walk away knowing ill be called back?
won't i see the rain without misty eyes?
won't i catch the smile? won't that smile be mine?

can i have the honey dipped sugarcoated mush without the chagrin?

can i have a little more of ME before being condemned?

...

ek haton ki harqat hi sahi,

 ek palkon ka jhapakna hi sahi,

ek banti halki si hasi hi sahi, 

wo lamha hi to tha, ek lamha hi to hai...

ek lamhe ki bas zindagi, ek lamhe me hi guzar jana hai...

the sham

कौड़ियों के दाम बिकते हैं अब,

कौड़ियों में हैं खरीदे जाते ,

धोका है?

हाँ ! जनाब मंज़ूर है ये बी अब हमें;

मजबूरियां नजदीकियों की हैं ,

धोके ही सही;धोके में हैं जीए जाते..

White lies bartered for momentary pleasures

Angelic hymns resonating in the crimson-walled hell.

Glistening faces tainted; 

Eyes moist with fear of farce, gaping, amazed at the reality.

the silhouette lost forever.

forever lost 


can't be too late to say i was so wrong. 

insomnia

wet pillowcases.

empty arms.

the never ending ache.

the dearth, the want, the fear.

dream-hungry empty weary eyes.

...........

 I've been here before

Sat on a floor in a grey grey mood
Where I stay up all night
And all that I write is a grey grey tune

...........

sing to me a lullaby, lull me to sleep. 

.................







Desolé, if someone is prayin' then I might break out,
Desolé, even if I scream I can't scream that loud
...
So pray for me child, just for a while
That I might break out
Pray for me child
Even a smile would do for now

[photo]

the chronicles of vellapanti

Someone Like You is a must watch!
nothing special about the movie,but the fact that i saw this movie when i was around 15 years ol' maybe, loved it then, saw it last night and loved it more...

the theories are hilarious and in a very weird way make a lot of sense and more than once had me nodding along =P


Eddie: It's over. Why can't you just let it go? 
Jane: I can't. 
Eddie: Why? 
Jane: Because I was happy. Because if this theory is wrong, men don't leave all women, Eddie. They leave me. 

well yet another list. (which kinda adds to all the hoola of *nothing good happens after 2 am)

The *DO NOT* list of things for a die-hard-romantic:
(read as a confused cynic on the verge of being a misanthrope who is in love with love and hence  tends to forget the *need of another person* part in between and then realises the lacuna at a very bad time)

1. DO NOT listen to romantic songs, especially ones that reminds you of someone(s)/some time/some place.

2. DO NOT watch  'LOVE STORY'

3.DO NOT ask questions whose answers you know.

4. DO NOT stay up after 10 pm.

5. get a life. [so do this unlike what is written on the opening line (ok sue me it is 3 AM and i am posting/scribbling, you sure did not expect me to make sense)]

and now, to top the list of the umpteen realizations there are these:

1. do not...DO NOT...let anyone know how much they are important, gives them ample sleep and makes you insomniac.

2. you want people who do not want you; people who want you, you do not want them. yes it is a triangle. you end up loosing face and loosing a friend/confidant.

and that brings me to the third

3. life is a two faced screwdriver (yeah it is a special kind), screws you whichever side you are.

its time.

you have to get a life when:

1. your mom get more phone calls than you do (landline and the mobile phone combined)
2. you consistently check the phone for messages even when it is on the *GENERAL* mode and you have clearly not heard a *BEEP*
3. when you have 10 drafts in your mobile phone, 15 saved half written *txt files in your *POETRY IS A WAY OF THINKING* folder and you are lines away from them making any sense.
4. when your mom asks you to get up and get a life. your teacher calls you and says you are lazy in the head and there is actually a lot to do and you do nothing.
5. when you log in/log out without any new chat convos, FB updates, mails and sigh.
6. when the weather is perfect outside, a movie theatre streaming 5 movies at a time is a walk away and you still sit at home wailing that you have no one to go to a movie with.

7. when you are half asleep through the day, half awake through the night.
8. when you are mad at some one and do not even know the reason why.
9. when you actually check the watch 3 times in a single hour and wonder if it is actually working. the clock hands just do not move.
10. when you watch a tamil version of munnabhai mbbs trying to imitate the actors language and end up more pissed.
11. when you make up random conversations in your head and then think over them so many times that they almost look like they were for real.
12. when you wake up telling yourself *nothing good happens after 2 a.m.* almost every single morning now.

get a life, like NOW.

it is official. i am finally doing nothing =D

what does one do when one has a lot of VELLA time on hand?
well since i am at my VELLA best nowadays i wish i had something solid about that and was originally wanted a realisations post on this.
but what the hell!
my friends have been on my back (it is very weird for people to see an architecture student [(the ex student now) YAY!] sitting at home, idle and doing nothing.
(note: the more glaring point to note here is 'IDLE' and 'DOING NOTHING').
people have now restored to calling me names...now cm'on does a person not deserve a good 2 months ka break from things (WORK, SOCIETY,PEOPLE et all) to do things one likes?

definition of things i like : DAY DREAMING, GAZING, POINTING AT ABSURD THINGS AND LAUGHING; watching, re-watching,re-re-watching movies that she loves, reading, re-re reading blogposts and books (2 at a time at that) wagerah.
e.g: i actually gazed at a pigeon on my window for a good 15 minutes as it took its stroll on it and i clicked some pictures.


I mean seriously why should people be so judgemental?
lazy bum or not, lazy head or not i am going to stay put...watch some more FRIENDS (which i think know by heart now).
Tell me when else in the world can u afford to sleep for say 10 hours a day and yet complain, when you are so free that you get a headache from doing nothing?? there are times when i am waiting for a reply and if i get it a 2 minutes after i sent it i get pissed. i keep looking at my contacts list for people to call and end up finding no one i can. shit!

but nevertheless, i m loving it and i am staying put! (well for the time being atleast)

no i am not being sarcastic here! not one bit!

on a serious note i seriously think all the VELLA time is gonna be real *bhari* on me =P

no wait there are two realisations:

1. i love the first part of Main Hoon Na and i know all the dialogues between SRK and Ms. Sen.
(go on sue me) hate the second part though.

2. i can sleep without any rhyme or reason ONLY for a good 15 minutes and i hate that about me. i wish i could sleep more...i just laze around. =|

BTW i did something today, in the sense that i submitted THIS post HERE for the colours magazine contest whose link i found HERE.

“The best part of beauty is that which no picture can express.”

 सोचा आज जज़्बात कलम से बयां करें,

चलो आज तुम्हे कोई नाम  दें.

किताब का वो पन्ना खोजा जिस पर कोई सिलवट नही,

नहीं था कोई दाग...न कोई निशाँ, नाहीं किसी की छाप.

पर अब सोचती हूँ...

किस सिहाई से तेरा नाम लिखूं?

किस रंग से तेरा ख़याल  लिखूं? 

किस मोड़ पर ये मकाम लिखूं? 
बोल कौनसी सिहाई से तेरा नाम लिखूं? 

याद आईं कुछ सुन्हेरी बातें; 
कुछ अँधेरी ; सुन्दर नीली रातें. 

कुछ वो धुंदली गुलाबी सा-पहर मैं लिखी  नज़्में , 

पीली हसी, कुछ नम  सुरमई खामोशियाँ. 
कुछ हरकतें, कुछ शर्तें , कुछ  काली सच्चाइयां .

सतरंगी खुशबुओं सी मुलाकातें.

और कुछ हरे लम्हातो में बिछी लालियाँ


बता किस सिहाई से तेरा नाम लिखूं? 

इन सबमे से किनपर  ऐतबार करूँ. 

इस वाकिये का कैसे इज़हार करूँ .

किस मोड़ पर ये मकाम लिखूं?

बोल  किस सिहाई से तेरा नाम लिखूं? 

*real old post..another attempt to avoid piling up unread garbage*

a known stranger

i close my eyes

  imagine u

  and that face pops up

  yes.

  you are a moment.

  a moment that is blissful

  now i m making a full hour of it

of bliss

  it is hazy and misty

  and has lots of rain

  and a windowpane

  where you and me sit

  watching the rain drops

  just that

  and...

wait

  and the best part is we cannot see each other

  you don't see me neither do i

  i am in your embrace...

  you are holding me'tight.

  and i feel you, feel you feeling me

  

you feel me?

and there goes my 201st post.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

stuck in the middle. Asking for directions?

Cuz' whose to worry if our hearts get torn

When that hurt gets thrown

Don't you notice life goes on

selfishness?
honesty?

how much should a person be honesT?

how much selfishness is enough,required?

Krish once told me selfishness should either be a 100% or  a complete 0%

i was compltely lost when i asked him...how much selfishness is ok enough to  let by?

he said you are answerable to yourself.

so when you actually want to do something do it.

when you do not want to do it and you do it out of gratitude, or for the fact  that the  person will feel bad do not do it. you'd stress yourself out.

do it if you are a mahatma and are actually liking what you are doing. 

do not , ever be in the middle.

it should always be in the extremes, absolute. a total 0% or a total 100%.

i am lost. am stuck in the middle.
am in a soup because i am brutally honest but after doing that  i cant walk out.

i stay back and sympathise and stay back and reflect over the bluntness i have shown.

i am numb but i say selfish direct things and then lament.

i cannot walk out like nothing happend, i cant help but stay back and look at the face of the assasin, look back and see not hurt or anger but a look that is of shock... the how-could-you-of-all-people-do-it-look.

i am sick of working on, building, working over, smashing into, not getting upto, not living upto expectations. 

i am sick of people having expectations from me.

i am sick of not living upto them .

i am sick of all the smothering .   

i am tired of being the third person and living like a spectator of my life.

i cant get a hold onto to it.

it is running beserk without aim, away away away.

i am running into it...running away from something?

running towards something i do not know. 

i see a vast green field with loads of fruit trees, a huge red kite and a blue sky, the kite just broke off from the string, i am running after it to catch it. i run run run away far into the field, and the field is endless. there is no end to it. 

no beggining no end.

and when i finally look around i find myself lost in the green field.

which looks exactly like the one i was flying my kite in, but now i am not sure if it is the same one. 

honey now if I'm honest 

I still don't know what love is 

Another mirage folds into the the haze of time recalled

And now the floodgates cannot hold

All my sorrow all my rage

A tear drop that falls on every page

I'm sick of hearing my own lies
And love's a raven when it flies

Meet me on the otherside




oh bluebird come sing again

romance

love the ad!

i miss it

as you grow up you gain so much. gain experience, the tact of dealing wiht people. you learn facts and facets of your life and those of others. you gain a deeper understanding in to the complexitites of relationships. rather you are amazed at the different startas where realtionships stand. there are bizzare relationships. there are complicated realtionships. there are relationships whose only stnading point is the fact they thrive on silence. there are relationships that have two people talking so much that there is no silence between them as if afraid that silence is goint ot bring in barriers, create space for awkward questions to be asked.
there are relationships that have no room for questions and there are others that have no need for questions between them.
yes, i have had bizzare relationships.
weird ones, with people that have known and shown me different facets of me.
some showed me my place, some played along and still stay etched.
but yet, in spite of all this i miss being a child.
yes, today i miss being a child.

i miss not thinking twice before calling up somone. 
i miss returning calls,smses. 
i miss people shreiking at me when i do not. 
i miss having a friend. 
i miss being a friend.

i miss not acting like a cynic, 

i miss not reading too deep into lines that may or not mean all that i am looking into. 

i miss blushing and not regretting me acting like a child. 
i miss being the special one

i miss acting all stupid and not actually knowing that i did act stupid. 

i miss going up to a guy with a class filled up with people and sob and say sorry.
i miss having that strength. 

i miss the trust that i had that i wont be snubbed. 

i miss being snubbed like that and yet trying again. 

i miss being a child.

i miss it. 


...............
photo from another awesome blog spot here

scrubbed clean

you know you are face to face with the biggest failure in life when you take your defences, close your eyes to something you know is happening right under your nose, and then are treated like a pushover. it like letting them treat you like one. 

realisation 1: if you are have been fucked in life before and that turned you into a cynic, STAY. don't let anyone else teach you anything otherwise. 

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on

the Wednesday. happy or otherwise. a beautiful Wednesday.

the coward's tale

i write a lot about love, about the rains. yes.
but i am at loss to comprehending how much i love the two. love  the notion of 'LOVE' and love the 'rains'!


yes, i am the coward. i would gladly love 'LOVE' but i do not have the courage to face the repercussions, the angst the pain that is often accompanied with it...no, wrong choice of words, that is 'ALWAYS' accompanied with that.
yes, i am the coward. i would gladly love 'rains'. i will get drenched in the rains and come back home and make a face when i have to change from the drenched jeans.
yes.

i am sick of being the coward i am.
 i am.
but yes, i will go out today, get wet and complain again.
i will fall in love, let the person know and then and fool myself about him loving me back the same...
i'd just fool myself into believing he does, i'd just fool myself, telling that it is not that bad...
i'd miss him and then fool myself into believing that he does that the same.

i am sick of being the coward i am.
i am.

but yes i will go out today, get wet and complain again. 

no it is not love
it is just a tingling feeling when my toes rub yours
no it is not love
it is just the wind that gives me the goosebumps
no it is not love
it is just the sound of music.
no it is not love
it is just me, it is just plain old you.
no it is not love.
it is just a soft silken scarf.
no it is not love
it is just that i tasted the best food.
no it is not love
i just hopped instead of walking.
no it not love
it is just the rain.
no it is not love.
no.


is it?

take this sinking boat and point it home we've still got time

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

cannot get enough of these guys

Tonight, we're the sea and the salty breeze
the milk from your breast is on my lips
and lovelier words from your mouth to me
when salty my sweat and fingertips
Our hands they seek the end of afternoon
My hands believe and move over you
Tonight, we're the sea and
the rhythm there
the waves and the wind and night is black
tonight we're the scent of your
long black hair
spread out like your breath
across my back
Your hands they move like waves over me
beneath the moon, tonight, we're the sea

..................

a beautiful comment on youtube for the song said:

"Imagine a dark night with two shapeless souls       dancing in the moonlight to the symphony known as love. The souls seep sweat and drops of passion as they slide past each other over and over again. The wind wraps them like a cool blanket as they draw ever closer. Plump bossoms collide with with hard skin and heartbeats pulsate like drums. As the grip ever tightens....then loosens in fell motion. The whispering souls slide into pillow sheets as the moonlight dances with the wind over their bodies"

.

from the 'Dead Poet's Society'

John Keating: We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? 


..................


John Keating: Now we all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go,
[imitating a goat]
John Keating: "that's baaaaad." Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

-------/--\--------

the flirt

the underplayed people/time/resource management havens 

sadly not too hard to get addicted to, not too hard to get de-addicted

The worst thing to happen in life is to realize and recognize unattainable perfection...nothing else then lives up to it.

a star and the gray cloud.

him: u could be a star!

her: no.

       i can't shine that bright.

      

him:depends on who is looking at you...

her:i would rather be the gray cloud...

      you would love me when i come.

       you would drift in the hope i bring.

       you will cry foul when i burst out and destroy you...

       but then again...

       you will wait for me in anticipation of a havoc.

       you will miss me when i am gone

  

-------/--\--------

must watch!!

exactly what a person desires complete artistic freedom away from the hassles of how conventional or not it is supposed to be.
 like me talking if asked what i wanted with my life.

no wonder i like him so much.

standing.

picture this. you are standing at a place. there. that spot. the world around you is changing. running, walking, sprinting. people bumping into you all the time. but yet you are standing there still, still.

no matter the circumstances, no matter who last called out your name. no matter what you do, how much you do, you are standing there. 

no one cares to budge you. you don't find them enticing enough to let them.

you are still standing there. 

like time has stopped for you and yet at the same moment it stopped light years passed. 

you are still there. standing there. 

-------/--\--------

BLISS

bliss

is a man singing me poetry,

bliss

 a man playing a flute. 

bliss 

is when i am speechless, when i cannot fight back, when my ego is slashed. 

bliss 

is when wind blows my hair away from my face.

bliss

is riding on my brothers bike and us singing out nonsensical songs aloud. 

bliss 

is talking to a friend and getting a perspective, a compeletely new line of thought that you could never lay your hands on

bliss

is finding out soemthing new about someone you have known for ages and even then it is just in time. 

bliss

is waiting for a text message and getting it when you have lost hope. 

bliss

is YOU.

bliss 

is not wanting to wake up from the bed and not feeling guilty about it. 

bliss 

is being commfortable in your skin

bliss 

is listening to different versions of your favourite track.

bliss 

is listening to music and songs so beautiful that you cannot decide which one was better.

bliss

is reading someone writing your heart out

bliss

is shedding a tear when you kiss.

bliss

is finding out that someone is better than you expected.

bliss

is people living upto your expectations.

bliss

when you can be mad at someone without the fear of losing him/her.

bliss 
is the capacity of zero expectations.
bliss. 
is ME.

BLISS- 

mom calling me, rain from my balcony,my brother, music, poems,watching 3 beautiful tracks back to back, fighting over a scoop of icecream with two spoons,work, work when you are getting better at it, a friend missing you and you find him/her exactly at the same time.

i was all set to start a newer happier blog, a place that was devoid of all the sadness that this place is so laden with, a friend told me that i would squeeze this place off the little happiness it sees...i list out my moments of pure joy here. 

the constant companion

aloneness is  a state of being that does not take in account your circumstances. 

a state of being that you might as well as may have been addicted to, a situation created by you or inflicted upon you or maybe not.

i post, re-post and re-re post my blog entries...sometimes because i hate piling up unread garbage, sometimes because i find myself feeling the same things all over again.....

here is a toast to the constant companion.... 

http://thismomentcalledlife.blogspot.com/2007/11/sometimes-i-feel-lonely-sometimes-when.html

the above said link is to the blog post of a very dear friend of mine... krish for me, SV for some and Gopal for someone special. And when i read this a few days back it was like he wrote my heart out...


and i added to that...


sometimes i feel lonely when the silence engulfs my shrieks,
sometimes i feel lonely when the only person witness to my life is me.
sometimes i feel lonely when i laugh at an incident that happened long back but cant share that laughter with anyone else.
sometimes i feel lonely when my eyes swell with tears, i hold them back farcing a bold face, 
i feel lonely when i am successful at masking myself.
sometimes i feel lonely when thoughts and feelings fill me, yet go un-noticed. 
 sometimes i feel lonely when i have so much to say yet remain silent. 
i feel lonely when life still goes on. 
sometimes i feel lonely.

-------/--\--------

reason.

"chalo am leaving."

"good bye"

 ...

"aaj kal aap mujhe rokte nahin?"
...

"rukoge?"

...

You are the reason to leave.  

I am the reason to stay. 

-------/--\--------

bataun hain kya aansuon ki haqeeqat; samjho to sab kuch na samjho to pani

i looked for you everywhere
deep within me. in my soul. my heart. my thoughts.
i looked for a picture of you. i looked for your trace.
no
nowhere
i did not find you
a tear drop then formed in my eyes, rolled down kissing my cheeks and died on my lips.

yes there you were. 

you walked the shortest distance.
lived the shortest life.
you still are the teardrop that forms almost every night.
you are the teardrop laden with sighs, laced with a stringy nostalgia.
you are just a teardrop.
you are a teardrop nevertheless.
yes. the teardrop. 

-------/--\--------

desire

the longing does not satiate

the inability to hold you kills me deep inside.

i haven't tasted your lips but i can feel them on my mouth. 

i haven't tasted your tongue but i can see it slithering inside me. 

to have your arms around me i would kill.

is it lust?
i disagree.

is it not?
  i cannot deny. 

your eyes lingered on my skin...

long enough to make me wet inside.

i bloated and floated at the same time. 

i shrunk and flew at the same time.

i haven't seen you in days it only adds to the delight. 

the sweet pang of being the kill that you left...left in the lurch to die.
agonized with misery, yet i look at myself with envy and pride.

you chose me to fall in the trap...hand-picked before you could have me tried. 

tourtured and tormented with tantalising thoughts of us close.

your eyes hyptonising me, ravaging me, feeling me.

all over me.


you all over me. 

her: "why should i stay in-satiated?

why ain't i allowed the philter?"

him: "what good is satiation?

what good are desires when fulfilled?"

................................

“A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times”

random conversations: what next?

falling in love is ok.

living the romance awesome. 

it is great to want you.

but what happens after i have you?

and to this juggernaut  says:

"falling in love can be compared to climbing the everest.

 all throughout your journey you keep chanting: 

i have to climb it.

i will climb it.

i am climbing it. 

but then when you reach the top, you have no idea what to do next."

sala ab kya?? 

-------/--\--------

ek shakl hai jo aankhon se hat ti nahin.

ek ehsaas jo adhoora hokar bhi pura hai.

ek khamosh main hun. 

ek khamosh se tum.

khamosh tum me, main apna geet dhundhti.

khamosh khud me, tumhara aks. 

-------/--\--------

frozen

me in your rear-view mirror

me in the reflection of your guitar

you in me. 

-------/--\--------

awesomeness

be here now just like the wind.





something like love. 

alon-ness.

there is this monotonous song on your background, through the day; irrespective of the fact that you are asleep or awake, studying or whiling away time. 

and it does not really matter.

there is this sinking feeling, that is in contrast with the random smiles. 

there is an absence that is felt without even countering the presence. 

you miss somethign that you do not even know.

but it does not matter.

where hours go by, without having spoken a word, when days go by without having tidied the sheets.

but it does not matter.

where it does not make a dime's difference when you are undressed/under-dressed/overdressed.

and it does not matter 

when you are alive and dead at the same time,

yet again does not make a difference.

when you don't know how the day ends, but each second passed is etched painfully in your mind like on stone.

when you are so lonely that you can witness silence even in loud cheer. 

when even you don't even speak to yourself. 

-------/--\--------

sham tanha si lage

roothe naina, mohe na chaina...
kya haalat hai meri main kaise kahun.
tere aane se, tere jaane se...
main adhura reh gaya.

-sham tanha, agnee

-------/--\--------